|Reviews for The Ossuary|
| JaveHarron chapter 1 . 10/21/2020
I have to say, I enjoyed the flow of this story. I think the escalation of horror elements, and the revelations of the protagonist's own past, are well done. The protagonist talks to himself a bit, although I suppose that is the only mild criticism I may offer. Looking forward to reading your other stuff!
| W. Monroe chapter 1 . 2/24/2018
Well, you asked and I promised, so I shall deliver sans any jokes about any other guys named Clinton wandering around in an ossuary:
"A giant, in disrepair cruxifix above that" sounded a bit... clumsy. Maybe go with, "A giant crucifix in disrepair above that," would sound better?
"Carefully lain in the white canvas-colored walls. They encircled the church," might be better as, "Carefully lain in the white canvas colored walls, encircling the church in a ring of remembrance."
"Rot-iron gate," ...I think you mean, "Wrought-iron gate," but I could be wrong. I just don't think that's a thing.
"Excepting the job," think you meant, "accepting the job"
"Except more jobs," again, "accept more jobs," would be more appropriate, from my experience.
"was the worse part," should be, "was the worst part"
"Sighing with relive," should be, "Sighing with relief"
"Began to eek out of his pores," okay, this one should not be giving me as much trouble as it is. Was this a style choice, or a typo of, "leek,"? Because I cannot recall the last time something, "eeked" out of any pore. But I could be wrong, and I would love to know.
"Everything About Elliot," capitlized that 'A' when it didn't need it.
"Humanoidfigure," words got smooshed together there.
"The lose soil," should be, "The loose soil"
Okay, I'm very glad you haven't peppered this story with cursing. That one particular moment after that one number in particular after he stopped running was absolutely one of the best uses of a swear I've seen recently.
"Ever step a strike," should be, "Every step a strike"
"Which lead up," probably should have been, "Which led up"
"Clinton was able to open his eyes again, and he was again sat in the stone corridor again," perhaps change the three uses of 'again' with something like, "Clinton was once more able to open his eyes, and was sitting again in the stone corridor"?
Okay, so after reading this I must say that, while it wasn't the scariest story I've read recently it was rather an entertaining one nonetheless. I did lose some enjoyment when it became obvious that it was more a tale of getting one's comeuppance than simply wandering into a place that should not be, but the atmosphere you created - and the creature, which sounds so familiar but that I wouldn't stake my name on any guess - and the ending was, put simply, a good choice that redeemed the tale to a great extent.
Very good choice, restricting the cursing to those times where an emotional punch was needed. I don't see many writers doing that these days, and it's something I truly miss seeing as there's not much we have to get such feelings across otherwise. This story really used it to great effect!
But that creature... I must say that was one of the more interesting things, and I'm still thinking about it even now. Great job on that, even if it wasn't a very big part of the story, it was still excellently done nonetheless.
All in all, this tale was a great go, with only the few blemishes I mentioned above. Of course, it was more my expectation than anything you did, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt. Good work otherwise!
Thank you for sharing this work here, and let me know if this sort of review is more to your liking!
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/16/2016
This is a good story. I especially liked the ending.
| Be Rose chapter 1 . 4/15/2016
That was a seriously scary story.