|Reviews for Way Up I Feel Blessed|
| Rachel Rebecca92 chapter 1 . 5/12/2016
first why was this in the essay section?
why not just call her DR. grace? I think that's the more proper way to do it. Dr. elizabeth is an awkward title. If you want to use the name Elizabeth then drop the title of Dr.
Well, it's good she lives in downtown and it's good she can walk to work but how is either of those connected? I really don't get the logic there. I live in the suburbs of a big city and people can walk to work too, if they live close enough. I think walking to work depends on distance and not location. I know people who live in downtown who drives quite a bit. I also know that while some who don't drive all that much around downtown, has to drive to work because they don't live anywhere near their work.
Also, description is really lacking here. Telling the story is great, but most who wants to read a story is looking for description and being in the story or seeing the story. We know she's walked to work but we only know that, what is her walk like? more importantly, what's the patients room like? Make us be in there with her, watching what she does. What is the room she walks in to at work like? what does she look like and the woman she's talking to? Instead of telling us she smokes, show us her smoking habits. Also describe the other scenes she's in.
This stories biggest problem was the way it's written. time is like water! Your pacing is off. If it had to be short then focus on only a few events. Jumping around and half telling the story is not effective writing. This story has potential, but flesh it out. it looks more like a rough sketch.