|Reviews for Eating Out|
| M3rcy chapter 1 . 7/5/2016
The last line made me laugh, not feel scared. But the rest of it was scary and really well written. I thought the description and imagery was really well put in my head. It was like reading an erotica gone wrong. I thought also the atmosphere was quite good too, I really enjoyed it :)
| Barbados chapter 1 . 5/12/2016
Well that escalated quickly.
Well done overall. The only thing I would suggest is maybe using a different term in a few places, as well as a little more show and a little less tell.
For example, you use "eyes" twice very close together with, "...into your terrified eyes. Your bright blue eyes are..." Maybe change the second eyes to orbs, or just leave it out (your baby blues are pleading...) or something? Then also, saying wide eyes illustrates fear, without having to say terrified.
Also, I think the summary steals a bit of power the piece itself can have. I knew going in what was really going to happen, and that lessened the impact when it did.