|Reviews for Paladin|
| gbb4692 chapter 1 . 5/18/2016
So far pretty good. Keeps the interest goin. Story flows well. I like it! More chapters coming? I hope! :)
| Barbados chapter 1 . 5/18/2016
Okay, formatting those blocks of text into paragraphs is something you need to do ASAP.
Did you maybe have it formatted, but the formatting got erased when you loaded it to the site? That's happened to me before, so I always check them before publishing. At any rate, please get into the document manager and fix it. If you'd like any direction, send me a message and we can break it down together. :)
Watch your verb tenses - you kind of hop around with them, and it's a little jarring.
The premise itself is interesting enough, and I look forward to seeing what happens, but some things don't quite add up.
Assuming Erin is a first name, it's unlikely she'd be called Director Erin (mixes formal with informal.) It would be either Erin, Director or Director [Surname] unless they had some special relationship. If they did, I'd highlight it.
Based on what took place, Erin's role FEELS more like a Security position, and less like an IT position. She's monitoring physical structural breeches, closing and securing doors, monitoring security cameras.
Above everything else, keep writing - that's how you improve! And for a first story, this could have been much worse.