|Reviews for Patient Love|
| Shailaputri chapter 1 . 6/22/2018
It is interesting.. why don't you continue. Sure some proof reading would help to understand it easily.
| R.M.Spencer chapter 1 . 6/2/2016
The biggest thing that needs work is the tense. You skip back and forth between past and present tense a lot, which makes it very difficult to read.
You also need to be more clear about your POV. You jump in and out of each character's head a lot so that it is difficult to follow who's perspective you are reading.
Are they supposed to be in high school? The classes seem more like what you would take in college.
Also, remember to include sensory imagery in your narrative. Where are they? What does it look like? How does it feel when they kiss? etc.
I do like the 'I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to want you' aspect of the story. It is something most of us have felt but don't often admit.
| Barbados chapter 1 . 5/31/2016
I honestly had a hard time following this for two main reasons.
First - the tense kept changing between past and present. MOST of it is in present tense, so maybe just clean up the past tense cases to match.
Second - There were times you shifted viewpoints mid scene, which is incredibly jarring and confusing. Biggest example is the lunch scene, where we start in Maya's pov and half-way just switch to Taylor.
My other big critique would be to work on your sentence openers. That'll really help with the overall flow.
Keep writing! :D