First, I noticed you had Extreme use his super strength, so I'm glad that you actually managed to portray it explicitly. Good job.

And, WOW. A lot of fighting went down in this chapter. There were a LOT of people, but you managed to find a way to give every and each person a spotlight of their own, all in a single chapter. It was a tad bit overwhelming, but that has less to do with your storytelling and more to do with the formatting and the device I'm reading the story in.

That bit with Gunk at the end... Wow.
I sure want to see how you're going to take it from there. Volume 2 is going to be a wild ride.

Keep up the good work.

- SnarkyScribe.

Shame on me, I went right past the warning and ignored it comepletely. :). Nevertheless, I feel I was still able to follow along pretty well, despite not having a full background, so congratulations and job well done on creating such a well formed world.

A few nitpicky things to watch for, as your plot and characters are so solid.

First, occasionally you have multiple characters interacting in the same paragraph. This is sometimes okay, but generally speaking, the rule is one actor, one paragraph (not just one speaker, one paragraph). This helps with flow and clarity.

Secondly, the punctuation after spoken sentences is often incorrect. If you end with a period, and then go to "she said," it should really be a comma, lowercase s on she said. A question mark would remain a question mark, but the s on she said would still be lowercase. The only time this rule doesn't apply is for spoken word to direct action. For example:

"I would really love a cookie[,]" [s]he said.
"Does anyone have a spare cookie?" [s]he asked.
"Give me your cookie, right now." [S]he didn't wait for him to offer and opted instead to snatch the snickerdoodle directly from his plate.

Longwinded explanations aside, I am really enjoying your work. I look forward to reading more!

It's hard not to be one of those reviewers that offer stories on here nothing more than praise when the story is actually good.

I find it hilarious how The General captured the team here. It seems that this man is a very, very credible threat, despite how many times he is mocked. It was evident in Tiamatty's work that he was a force to be reckoned with, though slightly bumbling at times. I can see that in here, too.

I also liked how you had the heroes lose to the bad guys. The good guys always trumping without much effort is a really over played trope, and it's nice to see something different. I may be biased, but I honestly don't find anything wrong with the story so far!

I'm not actually a shipping guy, but I definitely ship Martin and Abigail now.

-SnarkyScribe.

I love the budding friendships between the various superheroes. Although I think I might want to go read the first few chapters of the Champions to get a better sense of those characters and their powers. I like Thomas's attempt to straighten out Martin. I've always loved how protective Thomas is of Suzy, and I guess he's also planning on looking out for Abigail now as well. Anyway, awesome story so far! I'm off to read chapter four now...

(Oops, forgot to put my name on that last review. Oh well...)

This chapter is so awesome! The fight scene is so well written, I could easily picture everything happening. I absolutely loved Lizzy geeking out over Kinetique's powers XD And Kon finally found someone who seems to enjoy mid-fight banter as much as he does! Hikaru stepping in to break up Thomas and Invisiboy's fight reminded me of a parent having to separate two arguing kids XD Hopefully, the two teams can put their differences behind them and work together now.

Still can't access my account, so I'm leaving this as a guest review. Such a good start to the story! I love the way you introduce both teams and set up the tension between the Champions and Crusaders. Also, I'm really loving Abigail. I think she's a wonderful addition to the team. I loved the part where she was teasing Kon and Lizzy about their "nerdiness". XD

That Thomas-Martin talk. I love how it so fits in with the actual Champions verse canon.

I re-read the chapters that this story is preceding in Tiamatty's story, and I noticed that after the general kidnapped them all and almost ended up killing Sam, Martin decided to stop playing around with Melissa... So, the talk with Thomas could've also been a contributing factor to why he decided to quit fooling around. Plus, Kon and Alvin. Maybe Kon could've told them about the story with Glorien, and Alvin came to the conclusion that if they were ever put in The Crusader's shoes, that they wouldn't have been ready, hence his decisions in the following chapters of The Champions.

I'm not sure if this was on purpose, but it's still pretty awesome.

P.S. I was the one that posted the review before this. Accidentally sent the first one without finishing it.

Clumsy me.

Well... *Cracks knuckles* I certainly had fun in this chapter. You've really got all the characters down to a tee, and I really can't see a way in which the fight could have played out differently...

If it had gone on to determine who the winner would have been, If Techsmith still had a boat load of arsenal left, I could see this fight going to The Crusaders on the account of Granite being unable to break Lizzy's armor and Eddie being too tired to teleport properly. On second thought, I still think it would end as a draw.

I noticed that Tiamatty doesn't really play with Extreme's super strength much. He (or she) normally limits it to Eddie being able to break bones with ease, but I'll really love to see a more blatant explanation here.

Can't wait for the next chapter. It's going to be a really bumpy road from here on, isn't it?

I'm surprised this doesn't have more reviews...

Awesome "Let you and him fight" scenario.

The dialogue here was amazing. I love how you managed to actually bring the personalities of The Champions and contrast them against The Crusaders.. Although, they have more in common than they think. This is my foil list:

Starbolt as Vapour's foil.
Mind Master as Extreme's
Red Cross as Mercy's
Nocturne as Kinetique's
Gunk as Granite's

To a lesser extent:
Techsmith as Savant's foil.
Jimmy Nomad to Invisibly.
And maybe Phantomette to Will? I'm not exactly sure about Abigail...

But, I'm still looking forward to the next chapter... Mostly to see who would win in a fight. No offense, but I have my money on The Champions, provided that Gunk doesn't throw a hit and Savant manages to calm every one down before anything escalates too much.