Reviews for B
Acie chapter 1 . 10/21/2019
Oh wow,this story was amazing. I didn't even realise it wasn't split into chapters. It left a heavy feeling in my stomach for the loss of celeste.
My only critique would be the incorrect use of "to" instead of "too"
Maximum-Strawberry chapter 1 . 4/14/2017
I liked this story. Predictable but still very interesting. You would get more reviews if you broke down the chapters. No one is going to sit down and read through 50,000 words like I did. It's difficult to find where you stopped reading when coming back too.
Also, there are some serious punctuation issues that gets in the way of reading. Especially, there are more than few missing periods and commas. If you fix that, this story would be more popular. You can just copy and paste everything to Word and it would fix some things automatically.
Daniel Affaro chapter 1 . 9/21/2016
One thing I loved about this was the characters. The backbone of a story is the characters. If they aren't engaging then there's nothing to carry interest; and these characters kept me hooked.

The plot was wonderful and your descriptions vivid, so that also helped suck me in. I kept coming back all the way until the end.

However, one thing that was a real immersion break for me was your use of punctuation. Your use of full stops is sparing to say the least and I found myself in the middle of a number of paragraphs begging for a break. There were also a number of instances where the placement of commas felt very strange and unnatural. Personally, these errors ruined the flow of the story for me. I noticed myself repeatedly going back and re-reading passages just to get my head around how things were supposed to be read. Which is a shame, because when I mentally inserted my own punctuation and pacing I found your writing amazingly engaging and immersive. It was just a shame that I had to keep going back.
Puccapurple chapter 1 . 7/13/2016
All I can say is: FORMIDABLE. That's what that story was. Formidable. I hate people like Liam, I wish they had a warning label to "Stay away". Anyway, I really liked how the characters were portrayed. Some I really hated (which is good. They were the villains anyway). Some I absolutely adored. Thank you Neil Davies for such an amazing story.