|Reviews for The Art of Falling for You|
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 15 . 8/4/2017
When I saw B.B.W. I thought it was big beautiful women and lolled.
The man eater reminds of me something, I don't know. Maybe Tokyo Ghoul? I don't know. And why Ethan would be interested in this, what are his plans? I can't imagine being able to take over the world or anything heinous with these maneaters.
Not surprised he was planning to kill Gary, I totally saw that coming, but more for secrecy than keeping Harper. But does he actually like Harper then if he doesn't want to hand her over?
Aiden's plans of living happily ever after with Harper in modest means is a logical and natural idea, but I feel it's something that would put the story at a dead end happily ever. I don't even know what I want.
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 14 . 12/20/2016
Yay a long chapter!
You're right, maids are prone to gossiping and spreading rumours quickly.
I'm jealous of Aiden dang I wish I could be that famous of a writer XD.
The charity social event could have been expanded more upon such as a description of lineup of stuff for auction.
This chapter confirms my suspicions that Ethan really wanted Gary and he was the reason for marrying Harper. It was also clever how it benefited him to seem like a family men for business associates.
Another observation: there aren't too many named characters. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. In other books there's TONS which can be a struggle to keep track of but add depth to the story, it's like a balancing act. There are plenty of opportunities to bring to light side characters eg. another maid/footman, another socialite, one of Ethan's scientists, other members of Ethan's family etc with their own motivations and personalities and that's how a story may get really big...
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 13 . 12/18/2016
Yay a chapter after a long time!
This was a short one but it had the inevitable Aiden/Gary/Harper realization they know each other.
I wonder what book Gary gave Harper. (If this was a comedy I would imagine accidentally giving her an erotica lol) Gary's jealousy makes him feel kind of sinister.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 12 . 10/29/2016
This chapter sheds some more light on why Ethan wanted Harper (I think). What it seems like is that he was after Gary all along! Harper was just a piece in this game for Ethan's mastermind plan about these maneaters. I have to wonder, does Ethan actually like her then? I suppose not, she's just a pawn to him.
And there is more intrigue as one of our protagonists finds himself joining forces with the antagonist. You know, sometimes friends become enemies, enemies become friends.
I would have liked page breaks between the 3 point of views.
Aaaand Aiden x Harper becomes real. *claps gleefully* But then Eleanor discovers them and luckily is on their side. (She ships Aiden x Harper lol)
On the pacing of your story: It's 12 chapters in before our love interests get together and the story gets steeper. So far it's 35k words, I don't know what the final total is, but I think it's better when chapters are longer. Do you follow any sort of outline, like the snowflake method, the 3 acts etc?
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 11 . 10/14/2016
Oh cool Gary met Ethan, and it seems he wants to recruit him. His POV ends with him being knocked out, I kinda think it was Ethan dragging him away and forcing him to work for him as a scientist... you know who Ethan reminds me of? Giovanni from Pokemon.
Oh so he comes back for her so Harper follows Aiden and they go... to his room! Objectively from the perspective of a random person they're horrible people to be sneaking off during Harper's own party so she can cheat on her husband, an interesting perspective because from their POVs it seems so right for them to be together.
Ps good luck with your tests!
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 10 . 10/14/2016
Harper brings up a very good point, why did Ethan want to marry her? Does it have something to do with his project with the man-eaters?
A turning point in the story, Aiden and Harper admit they like each other... and he leaves. Chilling, where will he go and when will he come back? And more importantly, what plot will Harper have without him?
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 9 . 10/13/2016
A bit more explanation as to what happened last night. Elanor gave her an aphrodisiac instead of a sleeping potion as I had thought... I guess she was just caring about Harper but still kinda pimpy. From that I suppose Ethan did rape her that night, but Harper dreamed it was Aiden... but then why wasn't Ethan in the room!?
I feel that Ethan going from Caven to Chambers is significant but I don't know.
Test subject? I wonder which direction this is headed in. I wonder what's his plan, with these maneating creatures. Very interesting.
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 8 . 10/12/2016
Yeah, I'm confused with the events in this chapter. It starts out with Aiden and Ethan drinking... then skip to Harper waking up to Aiden on the floor?
I don't know what happened between those events but Eleanor's potion... still curious. And of course where the heck was Ethan when his cousin infiltrated his bedroom.
Not much has happened in this chapter either, but I'm looking forward to the party Harper's throwing, and Gary, for some reason I really care about the poor in love with his best friend character. But I really ship HarperxAiden. *fangirl cheer* (I kinda want to share the outline of my own story with you now that I see we're telling completely different stories)
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 7 . 10/11/2016
There are a couple of events this chapter sets up, the party Harper's going to throw and AidenxGary bonding. (I was kind picturing a swords and guns showdown but I think they're going to get along as friends)
I get the feeling Eleanor gave Harper a sleeping potion so she can just pass out and not be aware of what's happening but we'll see in the next chapter!
The metal man's interesting. Kinda reminds me of Baymax. More than anything I hope you're enjoying writing this story and really feeling it. On your end, does the story get a lot of views? (a trillion are from me checking for updates)
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 6 . 10/10/2016
I'm Canadian and I have this week off as fall break, I'll try to keep up with reading and reviewing. :) So you have the next 4 chapters plotted out? How much of the story is spanned?
There is a lot of description of how things look like, professionals (I'm thinking of British author Jenny Nimmo/JK Rowling) do it in such a way that it's unintrusive and you don't mind that the story's stopped. I have no idea why I'm bringing this up, but when I read your description of Aiden's aunt I was reminded of Jenny Nimmo's introduction of Charlie Bone's aunts. I have no idea how to reach that godly level of writing and wish I could say something useful, alas I can't.
The character Dowager Duchess sounds charming (not) and wished she pitched Aiden into the sea, oh my.
I like the idea of going to the museum, brings to mind the thrill and curiosity I had when exploring this video game museum.
The Gary POV came as a surprise and I had to read it over twice to notice it changed POV. Quite a bit of drama there, I wonder what will happen with him.
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 5 . 9/17/2016
Gary gave a lecture? I forgot how old he is, Harper's 21 but I guess Gary might be a bit older.
"If someone ever saw him laying on top of the man rumours would fly" huehuehue funny.
This is unexpected, Harper's 2 love interests meeting each other... and actually becoming friends! This definitely complicates things in the future.
I would have used another insult over asshole, like craven whoreson... or something.
When you mentioned docks I started imagining historic America time period, a sharp divide between the poor working class and the upper class which is fitting in this universe. I started imagining the squalor and poverty and slums in a steampunk setting. My favourite part of this chapter was Gary's POV out in the shady streets. Outings illustrating the people, buildings, and atmosphere would be welcome.
When Chambers suggested Harper becoming a socialite and I began imagining balls and new characters to be introduced and more scandal and intrigue. There is lots to explore in this story, and I'm curious what you choose.
I noticed on fictionpress this story is your longest multichapter. (Feel proud!) The thing with writing is that it tends to grow and sprawl more that what you originally thought XD. You're 5/10 chapters in but it's still the intro where all that's happened is that the characters are introduced and we're getting our bearings! This story might become longer than you think :)
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 4 . 9/15/2016
Oh dang, right after a GaryxHarper chapter we have a chapter heavily shipping AidenxHarper. Plus she's married to another guy, this is like a reverse harem, which man will she choose?!
"Or hunting with the other guys" word choice, guys sounds too modern, I think fellows would be more appropriate.
So we see more backstory about Aiden, not really a bastard but foreigner servant's son. I find that symbolic, refreshing fresh blood, compared to how inbred stuffy regal families tend to be.
Elanor's accent sounds really Irish to me. I picture her as a portly brawling maiden when she's roaring drunk. (Random but I have a galloping imagination)
A witch! Yay I imagine some final fantasy style apothecarist and the magical setting there.
By the way how many words and chapters will this story be when complete? I know you feel you're slow but since July you've had 11k words while I've been working on my own story with this idea for EVER and have 20k words so trust me, you're doing good!
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 3 . 9/14/2016
School started and in addition to being busier I've been sooo exhausted so I understand updates are slow. Always glad to see another chapter of this story! Oh so you've got this story actually completed by next week, pre-planned stories tend to be completed and well paced so that's good.
The first POV is Gary (she would marry for no other reason) hahaha irony. And yeah I could have smelled a smouldering attraction between the two friends even before he made an appearance.
Harper getting up to leave to go home because she was unused to his house was a nice touch.
The way Chambers (btw does he have a first name, I forgot) interacts with her reminds me of that rich dude from Titanic who treated Rose the same way.
Hmmm romance books? I wonder who else inhabits this house.
Oooh cliffhanger ending. Will Harper be rescued by the man introduced last chapter? We'll have to stay tuned!
| Wendy Thompson135th chapter 1 . 9/14/2016
* and much more things that regular humans could do. The one thing she couldn't figure out was how to make them self-efficient. * -MANY more things. The 'things' can be individually counted. 'self-efficient'. Unclear what this means. Does H want her people to be self-sufficient? self-motivated?
*"Lord Chambers, I would like to introduce you to my daughter, Harper." Harper's father's grin was wide and offsetting as Harper drew closer to the pair.* It's more usual for a young girl to be presented to a lord: Lord Chambers, may I present my daughter... .
*"You two suit quite well," her father stated, interrupted their brief conversation.* -interrupting, not interrupted.
*"And your twenty-first birthday is tomorrow, Harper. Most will think of you as a spinster." 'Her' father added.* -No period after 'spinster': use a comma. Do not capitalize the first word AFTER the closing quotation marks: her father added. Also here: *"You will and you won't put up a fuss about it!" 'Came' her father's sharp retort.* came her father's...
| Imperial General of Grado chapter 2 . 7/31/2016
Yay an update! I was settled down with some chocolate and I was really hoping for a new chapter of this story.
So far there are 3 men and our female protagonist so I'm thinking a love vertex. Gary's behaviour seems to hint he's in love with his best friend and feels betrayed at her marriage.
"Old fashion was the new fashion" that was a great line.
Yay her other love interest emerges! Hmm more mysteries and questions, what can his problem with his family be?
Tip: When shifting to a new scene like from the ball to Harper waking up the next morning you can use a page break.
One question is answered, that her parents married her off for money but I'm raptly anticipating the reason why Lord Chambers is pursueing Harper. (Dis gunna be good) The next chapter is probably the wedding, but since this chapter is a ball I'm not sure if it's best to show another party. Skipping to the aftermath is probably better.
Summer school? Are you in high school or university? For food ideas, what people ate in Victorian England is probably alright, but Steampunk is a speculated genre, there's no right or wrong and I always thought of it like the Final Fantasy world. The atmosphere of old school and futuristic with gun and sword fights, great fashion, aerodomes, guilds, taverns, shoppes, cafes, outdoor markets where pickpockets are lurking... I notice you mention comments are appreciated, I have to say that unfortunately fictionpress stories tend to not get a lot of reviews sadly.