|Reviews for Heir To The Dragon Throne|
| ScarletD chapter 16 . 9/19/2016
The vivid nightmare was a great opening to a very impressive chapter. It offered perspective on Aiden's deepest thoughts and fears in a way that you have not delved into yet.
"The morning sun was just beginning to paint the sky with it's colors..." This whole paragraph was incredibly immersive and beautiful. On of my favorites so far.
"No matter what race, there is always someone who sees a monster rather than a being." An excellent parallel to real life history and race issues through-out the world. Despite the fact that this story is a fantasy and therefore clearly fictitious, the characters deal with very human problems that have been around since there have been people. Insight into the human condition, this is a very important part of writing. I'd argue that it's almost the point of it.
Keitha and Aiden's sparring was fun to watch (or read, rather) but I think the transition from the depth of his previous conversation to the playful sword practice was awkward. The shift didn't feel natural to me. I like seeing them get a bit closer though and I would like for something to develop between them. The bonding between Aiden and the bandits has been gradual and pretty realistic. It's very sweet to see, and it's understandable that he wants to stay with them.
The second to the last paragraph, with Alrik riding off on his horse and the lighting flash in the background, was great. I like that the weather reflects his emotions. It's interesting to watch him lose his cool collectedness that he always maintained prior to his brothers kidnapping. I say this about every chapter, but I really love his character.
| ScarletD chapter 15 . 9/19/2016
Wow, beautiful chapter. The service for the fallen guards felt very realistic and the descriptions captured the feelings of grief and melancholy felt by the kingdom. The king walking alongside Anora and Egon with his flowing cape, the words spoken for the men who died, the burning pyre. It felt like a real memorial/funeral service from the dark ages.
Though the king gained my sympathy quite a few chapters ago, this made me feel for him even more, especially when his wife was referenced. Her descriptions were quite vivid. it's good to see him reflecting on his behavior toward Adien though, I fell like that's a very natural response considering his grief.
Wow! And Alrik becoming king! I wonder how that will all unfold.
Over all, very good chapter. :)
| ScarletD chapter 14 . 9/19/2016
I enjoyed the little build up to Alrik and the bandits meeting (though Alrik is none the wiser) for the first time. How sad for Alrik. Little did he know, he had been so close to his brother. Speaking of build-ups, I like the mystery of Rykel's identity. I know you've probably got a good backstory planned for him. :)
I think the pacing of this chapter was very well done, it took it's time with descriptions and sensory imagery but it was quick and it flowed well. You normally do multiply scenes in a chapter (which is good, nothing wrong with that) but it was interesting to see how you handled having just one as the single focus for a chapter. I think having a mix of both is good and I'm glad to see you do that.
Another thing, I like that Aiden observed Sirhan's transformation and noted that it was so much different than his own. I think this was some good insight on how the character's natural line of thought would go after the initial shock of seeing someone, who was not himself or a Dragonnian, change form.
By the way, in the fifth sentence of the last paragraph, "life" needs to be capitalized.
| ScarletD chapter 13 . 9/15/2016
:P And so the plot thickens! one question though, how did Danrelle get the position at the messenger tower? Did I miss something or is it to be explained later?
Gerik's empathy toward Aiden regarding the collar was a good demonstration of character. I liked that when they started talking about it, Geriks immediate reaction was to glance at his own wrists, where he had once been bound. It was a very human response and a good way to indicate someones line of thinking without stating the obvious. In other words, showing, not telling.
The further characterization of Nissa was good here too. The softness in her voice, the flowers in her hair, the way you show her sensitivity. Also, her dislike of cooking meat is very fitting, considering she is so connected to nature.
"No matter what our paths in life are..." This was a beautiful line. Very well done and thought provoking, not only for the reader but for Aiden.
This was shorter chapter than you typically do but I think it was a good length. Nice work!
| ScarletD chapter 12 . 9/13/2016
I loved the little bit of history presented, specifically the information about Ratillians. I find it fascinating and it really helps with the immersion of the reader into this world when you paint a detailed and interesting picture of the universe in which the story resides.
I that we're getting to see a bit deeper into Aiden's character, him crying about his sister made him a little more human to me. I also liked his admiration for Keitha, I think that was a good touch and it helped to characterize them both; Keitha is a strong person, Aiden recognizes that and admires her for it.
Nissa's descriptions were beautiful, the imagery you created was vibrant and serene. I like the way she's depicted. I would, however, remove the sentence that states, "Elvirians took their life force from the earth," because that exact sentence has been said before and it's repetitive.
Anyways, good chapter!
| ScarletD chapter 11 . 9/12/2016
I didn't know that you were still going to follow Atol and Gifres story line, so that was a nice surprise. The imagery for Tulisan was very realistic and well done. You captured the feel of a dirty, kind of haggard looking but tough town of the dark ages. I enjoyed the details about Gifres Dragonnian hunting days (though it has been mentioned previously), they add some depth to his character and it's nice to get a view of their background, as it offers better perspective on the characters and who they truly are.
I loved the first paragraph after the chapter break, with Alrik's description of the flames. That was marvelously done. This was a great scene in general for Alrik, showing his struggle with his sense of leadership/duty against his love and worry for his brother. He's a great character and I have a lot of respect for him. The little physical details you add, like him feigning a smile for Hadwin only for it to fall of Alrik's face when he left, was polished and well executed. Very good chapter!
| Kinola chapter 1 . 9/10/2016
I like the beginning. :)
| ScarletD chapter 10 . 9/10/2016
I like that these bandits seem to have honor, that differentiates them quite a bit from Atol and Gifre. It will be interesting to see their further characterization. So far, I like Nissa and I think her helping repair Fritz's broken wing was a good way to reveal some of her personality.
I thought it was notable when Sirhan asked if Aiden was too human to survive the bite and Fritz growled at the suggestion. It was an effective was to show his distaste for humans, also it was kind of funny. :P
"Soft warm firelight warmly welcomed them." I would alter this and replace one of the "warms".
| ScarletD chapter 9 . 9/9/2016
I liked the POV switches between Aiden/bandits and Alrik, it gave the narrative a bit of a rhythm that flowed well with the plot of the chapter. It will be interesting to see the characterization of the bandits and what precisely their motives are... I also enjoyed reading Fritz's inner thoughts regarding how he categorizes and deciphers the smells of the forest in order to locate Aiden, that was interesting and well thought out. The description of what Aiden experienced when Fritz bit him, that was wonderfully depicted. The word choice was powerful and I could imagine just how it would have felt.
| ScarletD chapter 8 . 9/7/2016
Great chapter! Took and interesting turn at the end, I was not expecting Aiden to attempt an escape. So, can Fritz hear Aiden even when he's still wearing the magic suppressing collar? Which, by the way, was interesting to hear more about. I also enjoyed the little bit about bandits marking of the tress, that was a wonderful little detail.
The physical descriptions of the Kings reaction to the news was very well done and painted a great picture, as I could see it in my mind and it all felt very genuine to read.
| ScarletD chapter 7 . 9/7/2016
I can't wait for Aiden, Atol and Gifre to meet with the woman. It'll be interesting to see more of her character and to see the execution of her ransom plans. I must say, I do find it a bit unbelievable that Aiden would ask who she is though. It's a pretty bold (and pointless) move to ask a captor questions like that, even though it was established that Gifre is the second in command/more easy going of the criminals.
On a different note, I really admire Alrik. Though he's worried deeply about his brother he recognizes that he must be in control of himself and his emotions, as he is in a position of power.
Good chapter, on to the next!
| ScarletD chapter 6 . 9/5/2016
"The blade of the knife dug into his skin and small drops of blood oozed over it's shinning steel." Good imagery there, I really liked this description. I enjoyed the action in this chapter, it was paced pretty well. The bit about the magic subduing collars was a good addition too. Cool pieces of in-story history helps to immerse the reader into the narrative by making it feel more real. It's aids in the whole world-building process (which can be very difficult to make believable) in kind of a sneaky way, without the reader even realizing.
| ScarletD chapter 5 . 9/4/2016
I liked the perspective change in the very first scene, I think that was a good and necessary addition to the chapter. Briefly introducing the woman and her objective without revealing too much about her helped to create some mystery and intrigue, as well as thicken the plot.
Very suspenseful, I'm excited to see where everything leads :)
| ScarletD chapter 4 . 9/4/2016
"He wandered, lowering his gaze." Wandered should be wondered.
I'm excited to see how Aiden combats this. I'll be quite surprised if he actually gives up his magic! But anyway, good chapter, I was fully immersed in the story as always. :)
| ScarletD chapter 3 . 8/31/2016
I liked getting to see a little bit of Alrik's inner monologue. It gave some good insight on his character and how he feels a sense a duty toward his brother and a loyalty that rules him, sometimes in spite of his actual feelings. The detail was, as usual, really great. You have a way of putting the reader deep into the scene through sensory description. I'm enjoying the story and I'm interested to see where it all leads. :)