Reviews for Midnight Paradise
Fib112358 chapter 3 . 1/27/2017
Dark, but I've always enjoyed dark. And the ending is well done with Ansel facing his demons.

His choice at the end is also brilliant, staying as a Ghost to combat Lysander.
Fib112358 chapter 2 . 1/27/2017
A shorter chapter which ends where is should, with a cliffhanger.

The short passages at the start are a very nice touch.
Fib112358 chapter 1 . 1/27/2017
A brilliantly crafted chapter. The combination of setting description, character explanation, and flashback quotes, blend perfectly to continually heighten the tension.
Mrs.Bluhm chapter 1 . 10/13/2016
Loved this piece! Creepy, just the way I like it.
hvjsdvsdvnlkds chapter 3 . 10/1/2016
All right, whew, finally found time to read this chapter. And what a chapter it was.

Definitely dark and poetic. I enjoy your descriptions and the relationship you have Lysander and Ansel - being referenced but not at all fleshed out. The story certainly feels 'complete', but it would be interesting to read some sort of companion/prequel that explores how they met, why exactly Lysander is a 'demon', etc. etc. I really liked the last line about the Ferris Wheel, too. Powerful conclusion.

One thing I noticed (and I probably only noticed it because I used to do it to, until someone else pointed it out to me) is that with your dialogue, you sometimes write a sentence with a period where there should be a comma instead. Example:

"I don't want to go." She muttered.
Should be:
"I don't want to go," she muttered.

It's a little thing but it's a...thing, I guess. I think it makes stories as a whole read a lot more fluidly, too.

Anyway. Lovely story, looking forward to reading more of your work!
hvjsdvsdvnlkds chapter 2 . 9/12/2016
Okay. So. I have to say this first, because it struck me so strongly - I love the way you described the stars in the sky early on in the chapter. That was so beautiful and poetic. breathtaking.

That being said, I think the one criticism I have with this story overall is that you have a lot of sentences that are very long-winded and overly elaborate. Which I guess isn't really a criticism so much as a style that I am picking up on. I mean, I love poetic descriptions more than anyone, really, so I get it. But I would say to err on the side of 'less if more' whenever its a moment that's not super critical, dramatic, etc. It will just let your talent for beautifully describing things stand out that much more, if you only do it every so often. Like with the description of the sky I adore so much. I hope that makes sense.

But plot-wise, I like this a lot. Quite reminiscent of the Silent Hill games (have you played/watched the movie? if not, you should!) - which is a compliment, I assure you. Very creepy and leaves me wondering what will happen next...even though I have a sad feeling that Noah is long gone. :/

Keep up the wonderful work!
Guest chapter 1 . 9/9/2016
I'm not entirely certain what to say. The story does drag on a bit, but that's hardly surprising. A lot of stories on this site do that. However, the way it is building it? I like it. I like it a lot. There's hints about Ansel's past, about his connection to this park, and I'm looking forward to seeing how it pans out. And I'm hoping for the best, in him finding his son.

Cheers.