|Reviews for All Things New|
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 12 . 7/22/2017
So, first of all, I don't know what your plans are for this story but I would strongly encourage you to send it to some kind of Christian fiction publisher if you haven't done so already. This is better than most published YA I've read lately.
Anyway, the story's greatest strength is the narrative voice. Piper is relatable, she comes across as a likeable person right from the start and reading this gives you the feeling of having a good conversation with someone you've hit it off with right away. Her situation is believable and sympathetic. I like that you're able to show a well-rounded picture of her life - her varying relationships with Izzy, Sunny, her parents, Charlie, Chase, Blake, Jimmy, and Joshua each have their own nuance.
By way of critique, I'd recommend fleshing a few things in a bit more. I get that you're telling the story in snippets, which is totally acceptable in a YA, but some of the scenes themselves could use a lot more detail. The two that especially come to mind are Izzy telling Piper she's pregnant, and the scene where Piper explodes on her mom. In the Izzy scene, Izzy's dialogue sounds a little off and it comes across like it's written just to get the information to the reader so we can go back to showing Piper's reaction. Adding more of Piper's observations about Izzy and probably changing the dialogue a bit would make that scene a lot more real. In the scene with Piper fighting with her mom, what Piper says sounds more like a rehearsed speech than a burst of emotion. I get that she's probably thought a lot of those things before, but usually bursts of emotion sound less clear than the thoughts that inspired them. I'd also like to see more of the aftermath of that scene.
I do realize you've said you're pretty satisfied with this story already and that you also aren't planning on using a lot of feedback at this point, but I figured I'd leave my two cents nonetheless. Anyway, great story. I'll try to read All Things Beautiful once I get caught up on the reviews I owe.
| Tapp chapter 1 . 10/12/2016
There is no need to introduce everything about your character right at the start. It can get boring especially when the reader has not been given a reason to care yet. A better way is to move on with your story and reveal things about your character when they come up. Also, try to show things in your story through scenes, not through telling them like a summary. Showing them unfold right before the reader's eyes promotes empathy for your character better than telling. Keep on writing!