|Reviews for The Yellow Door|
| The Final Conduit chapter 10 . 1/5/2017
Welp... Stuff happened this chapter.
I'd say the thing you can improve on here is to flesh the actions out a bit more.
The deaths of some of the soldiers went by too quickly for it to be a regular death on its own.
While Patch's reaction to one of the casualties was understandable, I wasn't able to see it from the soldiers' point of view, not enough to feel really bad for them anyways.
It's a bit like how mook characters dying tends to get completely glossed over because you don't know anything about them, just that they're on the villain's side, and they're in the main character's way.
While mooks can be a decent shortcut to handling death, they are still people, so there should still be a layer of relatibility to how they feel in certain moments.
| NonCanonicalWriting chapter 10 . 1/4/2017
Alright guys, since Authors notes aren't allowed as chapters, I'll tell you via a review.
My Fictionpress is glitching and not allowing me to seperate time skips properly so they will now be indicated by a *le skip* in bold.
Thank you for your understandign!
| The Final Conduit chapter 9 . 1/3/2017
The only thing that can be improved on is probably the way you handle time skips.
In most cases, you'd either use a symbol or a line break to signal a time skip, unless the time skip happened between the chapters, like how there was a time skip between the end of chapter 8 and the start 9.
However, in the chapter 8's case, it can be expected for there to be a time skip.
Here, it's kind of just them suddenly going through the time skip with less warning.
While you don't need a symbol or anything to symbolize a time skip though, you can transition the reader through the time skip.
Instead of having dialogue end and saying they were walking for two hours ("Ivy and Patch had been walking for two hours..."), you can add a transitional word, in this case, "After" to the start of the sentence, and it'll flow better.
Sorry for verbosity over a simple detail.
Here's to hoping for more chapters!
| The Final Conduit chapter 8 . 1/3/2017
Poor Ivy. She's barely waking up and someone has a bone to pick with her.
But this time, she doesn't even have her iPod to soothe her mind with the soft delicacies of songs from a world far away.
I wonder if they have helmets of some type in this place.
I also wonder if her father's just going to start looking for Ivy at one point, but will shave all hair on his head and breathe some helium tank in an attempt to disguise himself as a child in this place.
That'd be an accurate description of a child, wouldn't it? Since they're so tall and all?
Here's to hoping Ivy finds a way home soon.
Or maybe not.
We still haven't learned much of this giant world yet.
I'll call it Bigger Earth for now.
| The Final Conduit chapter 7 . 1/3/2017
Yay, finally, Ivy meets someone nice!
Though now I have to wonder why Ivy's Dad even has a door leading to this world.
I wonder if one of the giant people is friends with him.
| grapevine129 chapter 7 . 11/8/2016
This is a really interesting story! I am very intrigued by this world beyond this door. Good job.
| The Final Conduit chapter 6 . 10/26/2016
I wonder if there's some kind of racism sort of thing going on in this world, with how people were treating Ivy.
I've adjusted to the small chapter lengths at this point, so only half-hearted criticism in that area.
I saw that you made a few spelling errors, but they're nothing you wouldn't be able to see and fix if you reread the chapter over.
Hope you update soon!
| The Final Conduit chapter 5 . 10/25/2016
It must suck to be Ivy right now.
She got put in a prison cell, her kitten locked up like a caged animal, the food is something she's allergic to, no one was willing to give up a couch or a bed...
Hopefully Lady Ariel will upturn the situation.
I've heard Ariels can be nice people, though I could be wrong.
Welp, waiting for the next chapter.
| Prime Jeremy chapter 2 . 10/24/2016
| Prime Jeremy chapter 1 . 10/20/2016
s/3282419/1/Wolf-blood No shame YOLO
| The Final Conduit chapter 4 . 10/20/2016
(Back from last review) CALLED IT! XD
Now I'm wondering if it's some type of Narnia thing and she gets sent to another dimension by going through the door.
| The Final Conduit chapter 3 . 10/20/2016
At the end of Chapter 3: Cue Ivy opening the door.
| The Final Conduit chapter 2 . 10/16/2016
Day 1 of the main character's life: Complete!
Any criticism I probably have is that each sentence is structured in a way that keeps it from flowing as smoothly as possible.
The part where Ivy licked her clothes, for example, could've been written as: Ivy looked down at her icing covered clothes, then wiped the icing off her cheek with her arm, before licking it.
Still good so far. The chapters seem rather short though, but then, you didn't have a lot of time to write this out, so that's fine.
| Quilliam chapter 1 . 10/16/2016
It is I, Quill :D
Anyways, you haven't gotten very far, but it's intriguing as far as it goes. I'm interested to see where this goes!
| The Final Conduit chapter 1 . 10/16/2016
Very interesting so far (even if you haven't gotten into the meat of the plot yet).
Hopefully you get around to doing this completely.
Until then, I'll be waiting for an update from you.