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Hello~!
Finally got the time to sit and read for a bit, so I decided to check out your work! And, much to my enjoyment, I couldn't seem to stop reading once I started.
You have a real knack for creating wonderful, likable, believable characters, and I absolutely love that! Their dialogue is so fun and fresh, I wouldn't mind just reading them all banter back and forth for hours.

I truly enjoy how much thought you put into the magical aspects of the story, as well. Most people's ideas of magic, power, and other things are relatively bland, so your take on it is highly refreshing.
Aside from one or two typos I spotted, all of your descriptions are easily visualized and effectively pulled me into this fascinating world. Plus, most, if not all, of your action scenes had me on the edge of my seat. Your ability to create suspense is just wonderful.

I'm greatly looking forward to seeing where this story ends up going, and can't wait to see you weave more amazingly written magic with your fantastic cast of characters. Keep up the absolutely fabulous work!

~Setsuna

Pretty good story. I like how you describe things such as how the healing magic works. There are a few typos through out such as you used the word waste for waist. My mind has a way of autocorrecting things so it is hard to catch things. It's hard to write a long review, until I have read the entire story. I'll keep reading.
~Sir Scott

I feel awkward about reviewing this because I keep repeating the same praise in every chapter. Interesting developments as always, good dialogue as always, etc. What was particularly noteworthy in this chapter was the horror of the trap dead guards - just captured that creepy feeling perfectly.

This is so cool! The magic aspect is so well thought out and just incredibly written. The story is captivating and I can't wait to read more!

Interesting story. A few tips!
Try to use active voice, I spotted a few passive words when reading. One or two isn't bad, but if you have several you would need to readjust the wording. I like the magical aspect to the story, but bear in mind your scene descriptions. It didn't seem the environment changed, so if you just added a brief description of where your characters are, then it should suffice for the reader. Also I found 'power' to be vague (although it's hard cause there isn't too many variations to it), maybe customize the idea of power?

I like how you use alliterations, I do that myself :) Also kudos for the POV choice.

I really enjoyed this chapter. Esti is such a likeable character; fierce, determined, with just the right mix of pride and humbleness. It is such a compelling read. There's a great mix of drama, and I love how not all of it is fight-centric, as my own stories tend to be. When Esti is fighting to save Yesera's life while trying not to succumb to her own fatigue, it is just as engaging as swordplay. I am sure it's possible for a healer to burnout before stabilizing a patient and lose them, and I can feel that desperation in her actions.

I did notice a typo or two but forgot to note them as I read, they didn't deter from the writing though. My only real beef was the sudden ending. It felt cut off, like there was more to give. Maybe it's just my own desire to read more, but I did feel like it stopped in an awkward spot.

Overall, terrific as usual!

I'm glad I waited to read this chapter, because I have some very strong opinions about it!

First of all, healing houses are off limits in war (in my opinion) so I was just as shocked as Esti that someone would attack a healing house and then plant a trap to target her specifically! Whoever is behind this needs to die... painfully!

Secondly I love Samuel, he's the type of man you want on your side in a fight. Go break some bones!

Thirdly, this chapter kept me on the edge of my seat and is one of the best you've ever written. Wonderful job! :)

As always, an excellent read. The tension throughout was spot on.

Great peppering of the senses throughout as well, weaving in the slightest hints of scents and sounds. Many often neglect this, but you had enough to bring it to life without being overbearing.

And what a great hook the end of the chapter is!

Thanks for sharing. :)

You don't update often, but I absolutely love it when you do. The plotting is top-notch and you keep dropping us clues so we can try and figure out where this is going. Well, I guess the attack has something to do with the man who escaped and the warning he gave about his whole tribe being in some kind of trouble. Maybe they're being forced into service to get Esti to somebody who wants her because she's gonna power his scheme for world domination. How's that?

So I finally had some time to sit down and read through all eight chapters and, I think the story you’ve put together is absolutely excellent. In my opinion I think you’ve done a great job at developing your characters and establishing a well structured mystery that has, so far, kept me intrigued since the start.

Sure, there are plenty of typos and plenty of those mid-sentence tempo changes/stutters which are, of course, a common result of quick edits or rephrasing done on the fly. I won’t bother pointing out any of these mistakes as they are all typical hiccups and I’m sure you’ll have no problem getting them ironed out on your own.

I’m really diggin’ Rose. I’m not sure how else to explain it but, for some reason, her character just makes sense to me. Out of all the characters in your story, she’s the one I can see the most clearly. I believe I also have a nice solid image of Jasper, but in his case, I'd say that’s more due to how well you’ve portrayed him just through his dialogue alone. Just one thing I’d like to mention though. I think you could commit a little more to his ill-educated “street speak”. Throughout his dialogue there are many points that feel a bit like having a conversation with someone whose accent keeps fading in and out. But apart from that minor detail, I’d say he’s a perfect example of how to introduce and fully form a character through dialogue and mannerisms rather than the traditional and more common methods of outright telling the reader what color his hair is or what clothing he’s wearing. Moreover, I’d say he’s a great preview of your skill as a writer and, what we, as readers, can expect to see more of as both you and your story develops.

Honestly I wish I had more time to hit on every point that caught my attention. However, I suspect this review is already approaching the threshold for being excessively long so I’m going to try and end this quickly.

I enjoyed reading your story. My only request would be that you add more world to your world. At the moment, (I’m sure I’m exaggerating a little) each scene we visit feels a bit disconnected from the previous location; almost like scene changes during a stage play. Nevertheless, this is a brilliant piece of work and I hope you keep it going. Good luck!

great ch

nice ;)

This is very interesting, though I recommend that you look back through and smooth out a few edges.

I'm ABSOLUTELY LOVING this! There are occasional typos, but otherwise, excellent writing, good level of description, I like the dialogue, and an interesting world to be put in! I would like to commend you on your ability to actually make me go from chapter 1-4 without even remembering I've clicked the button to the next chapter! I'm loving this, can't wait to continue reading it!

Continue Writing/Reading, ;)

-Zane Nassour