|Reviews for Hunter|
| DogGoesMoo chapter 2 . 1/12
Okay. That was another action packed chapter. I like the style of writing a whole fairly complete story in a chapter. Its almost like watching an episode. I know from experience that writing like this results in long chapters but it can't be helped.
And you introduced Katie's family here. Damn, Maria is cold towards her twin and the whole mystery of why they're after the crystals and why Katie was not let in on the plan adds another layer of mystery.
The second battle with the half-droid at the end was a little questionable. I don't understand how he got a nuclear bomb (he's a genuis so maybe he created it) and unless Hunter is really strong I don't see how he threw the bomb high enough to have it explode harmlessly after Katie shot at it. Oh well, details I guess.
However, doing this caused another jolt of pain [to] shoot through his head...
However, I might [have] went a little too fast, because the blade eventually slipped out of my hands as it flew towards Katie.
Kevin found himself [too] weak to get up
Sarah said before she hung and [consider using 'before' instead of 'and,?] [looked] down at Kevin's unconscious body.
Another interesting chapter, let's see what the next one holds.
| DogGoesMoo chapter 1 . 1/11
This is quite interesting so far. A young modern Samurai in training helping an alien to find 4 powerful crystals of energy. And the fight with the droid was fun, it was like an action cartoon playing in my head. I like the complexity of Katie fighting her own family to get the crystals. I wonder what all that is about. And the police woman droid thing was genuis. Initially I just thought this woman was a psycho person but she was the enemy.
The first complaint I have is the breaks, the (Meanwhile) or (Moments Later) things. Sometimes they were unnecessary and only broke the flow of the story. Like when you introduced Hunter and then you used the break thing before describing his training or when Hunter decided to take a walk and then used it again while he was walking. In those places (and a few more) I felt you shouldn't have used it. And how they locate these crystals is also unrealistic. Either the city they are in is very very very small or Katie and Hunter are very very very lucky because their method so far involves one of them suggesting a place and then they'll look for a crystal at that place. And my last issue is the introduction of Sarah. The author introduces her not the character and we know too little about her. I guess you might want to keep who she is a mystery but the way she was introduced was not well done.
...it made contact with the pursuing ship in all
chained zap.) - I don't really understand this sentence.
(I then charged at the dummies as I started
slicing them. Sometimes I'd leap in the air and
slash a dummy in a downward attack, then I'd
also throw my sword like a boomerang as it
sliced through another dummy and lastly, I held
my sword in one hand as I slashed the last
dummy repeatedly until it was reduced to
pieces.) - This doesn't describe a single fluid motion of the samurai cutting down training dummies but more of a list of moves the samurai would employ to cut dummies, I don't know if that's what you were aiming for but if it is, I suggest you don't do that.
Alright that's all for now, on to the next!