Reviews for It's Dead, Man
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
Air Rey
2011-02-10

Your descriptions are well made. Although I find it hard to actually picture out your images, the images tie well with your theme.

The rhythm is good. Each line conveys an emotion basing on on your rhythm. Great!

Your use of language is well-balanced. Each line features good language that pretty much characterizes the people you described.

Very nice!
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
Passing PM comments
2010-12-24

"It's a cream-puff porcelain doll{

trying on Jimmy Choo's

before she goes to protest

the local organic vegan market closing down

because some jackass got sick off the day-old tofu."

-XD Wow!

"We ain't got no revolution.

All we are is light and noise pollution."

-THAT'S THE BEST.

"It's this mashup they like to call hipster;

even when the hipsters don't think they're hipsters

because being hipster isn't hipster;

so you can't say you're hipster if you wanna be hipster

and it ain't hip to be a hipster."

-The nail's head. You hit it XD
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
rust phoenix
2010-12-22

Love the rhythm and imagery to this piece. Excellent job setting the tone and keeping it consistent. I think this would sound amazing spoken out loud.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
Adonnen Estenniel
2010-12-12

Congratulations on winning the November Review Marathon!

I really liked how you described each of the different personas, in a sort of disillusioned tone that made these people seem real and not like some glamorous hero or heroine. Nicely done on that part.

The second to last paragraph was very nice, especially. I liked your play on words and the constant repeating of 'hipster'. I think that had a great effect on the piece.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
Acanthoid Android
2010-12-11

Brutal, but effective view of social revolution, or lack there of. The use of harsh language lends itself to the subject and gives it a strong voice. Though, ironically, isn't this just another complaint (albeit a well written one, with some very strong images- like having "seen the entier world in one hit"-) that doesn't bring society any closer to social change?
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
InkyPink
2010-12-02

Hey, no, I always return :) But I apologise in advance if this is a little scrambled as I am rather sleepy at this moment...

This is a great piece! It has this fantastic rhythm that fades in and out - sort of like an old radio, which for the subject matter is perfect. "It's a blue-collar punk / with a grudge against the world" - what a beat! And this one, most of all: "It's RAINbowhead gyRAting to the HEARTbeat of the CLUB". I mean, I could totally dance to that line.

I'm not sure about the hipster verse. It made me laugh, because it's so true :D "so you can't say you're hipster if you wanna be hipster

and it ain't hip to be a hipster..." I can't decide whether or not the jokiness fits in with the tone of the rest of the poem - regretful, ironic, bitter. I do like the verse, I'm just not sure whether it works here.

You have managed to play on an amazing range of emotions throughout. At first, comic - almost slyly poking fun at the "old" generation clinging deperately to what they once had and can't admit is gone - a gruesome sort of spectacle, even. From the second verse it gets gradually darker and more violent - forget false teeth and hip replacements, these are angry punks still trying to raise revolution, stir up rebellion - and who cannot face the fact that - well, the title says it all - "it's dead, man".

You've managed to form an unusual, subtle and highly effective double viewpoint. Reading this, for me at least, it began as though I was an onlooker laughing at the modern antics of these ex punks and rockers who are just making idiots of themselves, and then, without realising it, there is this subtle shift and sudden it's like I'm seeing through a window into these people's heads (and it's a scary world in there), and then you take on the voice of the punks themselves. Locked in the past, recognising the fall but wanting to deny it - and, in effect, turning up the volume to block out everything new. This verse in particular highlights this shift -

It's a drugged up shithead

who's singing Nirvana like it's a holy sermon;

face turning blue as he wonders how low he's finally fallen

after shooting up that sweet electric current

that makes grunge seem all the more real.

- but there are other points when the same thing happens.

The ending - well, I did cringe a little at such a graphic metaphor, but that is a personal thing as I get squeamish at too-strong language. But I can appreciate that it works for this. Apart from that, the ending really wraps the whole thing up - putting everything into the modern perspective and underlining the whole message of the piece, that these guys have ended up in deep problems, have lost it all and just ended up broke and pathetic in these eyes of the rest of the world. It's pretty heartbreaking stuff really, and I do feel bad reading it! It makes me seriously hope I'm not going to end up like that, and there is definitely a lesson to be learned from this. Let stuff go and be ready for change!
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
Indigo Masquerade
2010-11-30

'It's a cool cat'

The begining of that stanza threw off the rythym of this for me. The other stanzas began with longer lines and this one just threw me off. I'm sure you could extend that line without it losing its meaning.

'It's a cream-puff porcelain doll' That's beautiful. I get this image of this pale, skinny blonde girl with pink painted fingernails. Love it.

The last stanza is my favourite. It makes me think 'we grown-ups have better things to be worrying about these days'. This whole poem is nostalgic for a silly, carefree time that's long gone now.

And the last line? Perfection. Seeing what my country's government is doing at the moment, I really want to show this poem to them. And immagrate.

From The Roadhouse.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
Narq
2010-11-29

Love this love this love this.

I reckon you're one of hte best poets I've seen on FP.

The voice in this is so distinctive but it seems so effortless from you!

Also, the words are all so strong. I reckon there's not a word out of place there!

Narq.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
Dreamers-Requiem
2010-10-10

Wow. Just...wow. This is a great poem, the imagery works really well and I like the contradictions you use throughout, really helps the piece stick in your help. I especially loved the hipster stanza, it's got elements of comedy in it that, again, makes you remember it. I love how it sort of gives you something to think about and ponder over - such as [We ain't got no revolution.] Great piece, very in-your-face. Loved it.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
sophiesix
2010-09-24

Awesome. Brililant imagery, great balance between funky rythm and real world language, evolving perfectly for each 'character'. It's so, like, today ;) I was wondering what the it's was/were, but hey, it kept that narative tension up until you just didn't care anymore coz teh poem had caught you in its rip tide and swept you away. Just Awesome.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
lookingwest
2010-09-22

So...I have a poetry slam I'm supposed to be a part of tomorrow, and I have no poems as of yet, but this DEFINITELY got me in the mood to write them, XD. I, of course, loved it. I didn't say anything the first day you posted it when everyone was quoting on SkyOT, so I apologize for that, because I had read it but I was saving my comments for a review that duh, it's amazing, this is such a cool poem, etc. etc. hahaha

Alright, so, down to business. I love how you start the first stanza being "in-your-face", I mean the word "Viagra" I think really catches people's attention-no matter who you are, haha. And I love the image of this "ex-rocker" because it's definitley evoking images of those washed up famous people.

Throughout the poem, I love your constant tie to the pop culture, the way you drop all these names and references, such as "Vicious" and "Walmart", both in the same second stanza-I would never have thought to see those two names together.

Loved the image of the "cream-puff porcelain doll", that was wonderfully constructed right thar! And I'm pretty sure I know half of the people in this poem, and so this is just so liberating to read, XD. Those dirty hipsters.

As Dee concluded (I think it was Dee), "singing Nirvana like it's a holy sermon" sounds like every boy in my high school. I also agree with that statement, though they also had a deep obsession for The Red Hot Chili Peppers. -_- Loved the image of the "sweet electric current". You've divided your stanzas really well, and the line breaks are working smoothly too.

Favorite line of the fifth stanza was the way you ended it with "man"-that would read SO well when spoken aloud, it was just the *perfect* place for it.

Sixth stanza is poem gold. Set up the scene, elaborated, gave detail, the images were popping out like crazy, and the way you referenced the color was just right. I liked the focus on the color here.

And finally, the seventh stanza, pushing it all out. It's brilliant. I think I'm not the only one who thinks this is the coolest poem stanza since...a long effing time. XD. Really, I think I'm now going to favorite this due to this stanza. I just want to quote this to people. O_O

I almost think the seventh stanza could flip with the last, and sort of sum everything up and be a real punch in the face for the ending, but I also liked the harshness of the last line in the eighth with "licking our own shit" *shudders*, that's a pretty intense image. It also comes with smell and taste too D: But of course, well placed and well played.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
Xibalba Blooms
2010-09-21

Damn. So raw and honest.

I love the flow of this; it's just so honest. Wise. An observation on the fucked up, the mundane and the desperate. A realization that Generation Y has no generation.

The hipsters stanza made me laugh. Gotta love those hipsters.

Everything was great, but the last stanza has to be my favorite.

"We ain't got no revolution.

All we are is light and noise pollution.

We're too busy digging ourselves outta debt;

with the creditors on our back, weighing us down

till our noses are deep in the ground

and we're licking our own shit."

Yeah, we're lost.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
ZyggyGirl
2010-09-20

The sad thing is, these people really do exist. Well done with the imagery.

At first, the part about hipsters seems like gibberish, but once you take a close look at it, it makes perfect sense. I loved it.

You put things into words simply, but with great accuracy.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
berley
2010-09-19

I. Loved. It.

This poem was an almost morbid look at the stereotypes of people in our sick, sad world. These type of people really do exist and everyone can relate to at least one of the stanzas somehow. I have met the dead beads, the ravers, the dumb girls, the vegans, the Wal-Mart losers, the drug addicts, and the dirty old men.

I especially liked the last stanza. Very nice.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2016
DarkHawk14
2010-09-19

I think this is a good poem about life in today's society. It kind of had a mocking attitude toward it in my opinion that was very well executed without being overdone. I especially liked the second to last paragraph, I thought it was really potent.

Keep up the good work.

~DarkHawk14 from the Roadhouse. Payback via 'Requiem of Darkness, Dirge of Night' would eb much appreciated when you get the chance. :)
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