fudgyvmp
2010-09-19

very definitive of society, the old guy int eh first verse sounds like the male version of my grandma, except she was an accoutant

xenolith
2010-09-19

I really liked this. To me it felt like you were placing each of these stereotypes in their own sections, picking apart the characteristics and mocking them, then in that last stanza uniting everyone under this harsh light. Truth? Hmm.

'because some jackass got sick off the day-old tofu.'

- I almost feel like it should be 'sick on', not 'off'.

'who's singing Nirvana like it's a holy sermon;'

- I know that feeling haha. Love the next line though, 'as he wonders how low he's finally fallen', that's so great, says heaps about this one.

'It's rainbowhead gyrating to the heartbeat of the club;'

- This stanza was my favourite. I liked the use of 'heartbeat' instead of beat, and the 'neon-painted kid' and his big pupils. And seeing the world in one hit - emphasis on hit! Like it's some kind of bad drug. Love it. I want to live in that line!

Nice one here, Liana. You gave me a lot to think about this morning ;)

YasuRan
2010-09-19

The scary thing is how much of this is true...

'It's a drugged up shithead

who's singing Nirvana like it's a holy sermon;'

'It's rainbowhead gyrating to the heartbeat of the club;

eyes flashing with the strobe lights'

Favorite lines right there. I like how they roll off my tongue like hard candy :). I can also picture each scene described in each stanza through your very creative word choice. 'Rainbowhead'? Will definitely at that to my list of verbal phrases, if you don't mind ;)