|Reviews for Protecting You|
| MileyRowling chapter 39 . 11/7/2017
| MileyRowling chapter 38 . 11/1/2017
| Anon chapter 38 . 10/30/2017
Colour me hyped! Are we going to finally get Tyler ready for a life outside of prison and crime ? Fingers crossed!
| Anon chapter 37 . 10/24/2017
Well damn! It’s time too see if Tyler will be changed after all, or if he will escape the prison before the testing starts. I guess it would be best for him if he did stop wanting the rush of crime? But he’s resistant to that thought. Ah well, we shall see!
| zomblien89 chapter 37 . 10/20/2017
every chapter is captivating-i look forward to more!
| MileyRowling chapter 37 . 10/17/2017
Great update! I loved it!
| MileyRowling chapter 36 . 10/10/2017
| zippywings chapter 18 . 9/23/2017
In the first paragraph, you go through the extra trouble to tell us where everyone's sitting. You don't have to do that. We can find out who's at the table as you mention them, and we can find out where they're sitting as it becomes important. If we end up not needing to know any of this, then we can skip that part of the description.
Other than the last chapter, I don't remember mention of "The Superior." Is this some kind of main villain, or just somebody mentioned for world-building purposes? The introduction of the Superior at the time when Tyler comes home reinforces my thinking that Chapter 17 should be the first chapter in a second book. Seems like a new global conflict could be brewing here.
For the most part, the scene at dinner is fine. I think the conversation runs a tad long, and the exchange of words is a little too perfect-sounding for me to trust it, but it's still pretty good. The struggle that Tyler has with his dad keeps the tension alive, even if it comes across a bit cliche. I suppose if he has to fight with someone...
Oh, okay, the state of the room is better explained here. I find it weird that his mom would remember exactly how the room looked prior to the police ransacking it (to the point that Tyler would also recognize it as unchanged...and how would he remember the exact details after two years?). I'm glad you explained it. I still don't buy it. ;) Do they have photographic memory? Did someone take pictures before and after the police ransacking? Some explanations seem like they're in place as afterthoughts-something I'm guilty of in my own writing. These are the kinds of fixes we can reintegrate more naturally, once we learn what actually happens.
Tyler says things "coolly" too much.
Regarding Tyler's conversation with Charlie, it's got tension in it, which is good, but the revelation that she was seeing someone else has a mixed impression on me.
On the positive, it's believable that he would be upset over her not telling him...
On the negative, it's pretty lame of him to assume she'd stick around when he had a life sentence.
Was she really cheating on him?
Honestly, these questions don't matter. What matters is that this revelation should've come later, when things between them are better. Right now it feels like just one more thing to throw at him. It's impact isn't what you probably want it to be. Give them a season of happiness, and then throw the revelation at him. That'll hurt more, and cause his grief to be justified.
At any rate, this chapter is pretty good. I like the relational dynamics here.
| zippywings chapter 17 . 9/23/2017
Scene 1: I like how this section begins, with Tyler reentering his room for the first time and taking it in with wonder and/or skepticism. I was a little confused by the list of clients in his pants. Are these pants hanging in his room? Have the pockets seriously not been searched in the entire time he was away? I'd think his mom would've searched them prior to doing his laundry (if she does his laundry, though that's not evident, but there's no reason not to believe it, either), and based on his dad's reaction in earlier chapters, I wouldn't be surprised if HE didn't search the room for incriminating artifacts. And even if the parents would do no such thing, I'm sure the police probably would, unless the world in "Protecting You" is so far in the future that police no longer take out search warrants (except, I seem to recall that they did have a search warrant for the cave, or some other location, so...)
Anyway, I got off-topic, but the point is that I like the idea that he's having to reassimilate into a world that he probably feels disconnected from. I'd like to see more of that disconnect play out in all of his actions as he moves from his room down to the table across from his mom. What I would like to see a lot less of is casual conversation between him and his mom. A few lines of dialogue are okay, but the dialogue in this section is either too breezy or too tense, but not spoken at the right tenor for the situation. He should be feeling awkward being home again after nearly being transformed into an Aitu.
I do like how the section ends, though. That's the kind of awkwardness I'm talking about.
Scene 2: Honestly, I don't know what the point of this scene is. There's no movement here. Just two people talking to each other, and I'm not even sure what the end goal is for the scene. It's informative, sure, but what do I need to get from it to understand the story better? Scenes should convert from positive to negative, or negative to positive, or positive to really positive, or negative to really positive, or deliver an important piece of information that the story can't live without. Basically, the story needs to keep a momentum going, and this scene stalls it. We either need more, or it should be skipped.
Overall: I still like the idea that Tyler comes home and tries to reintegrate into society. I hope he learns something from his past bad choices! ...
| MileyRowling chapter 35 . 9/18/2017
Great update! I loved it!
| MileyRowling chapter 34 . 9/11/2017
| MileyRowling chapter 33 . 9/5/2017
| zomblien89 chapter 33 . 9/4/2017
wow...maybe Chris has a heart
| Anon chapter 33 . 9/3/2017
Wow, this story is intense and the situation seems to be constantly changing! I wonder what 'out' Chris and Tyler have in mind, or who Chris needs to get rid of. How will Harper feel after being ditched by Tyler? I have a suspicion the fire Tyler feels isn't just his craving for adrenaline, and maybe something more... we shall see!
| zomblien89 chapter 32 . 8/31/2017
so...what happened to him then? i sure would like to see more to this!