|Reviews for Protecting You|
| zomblien89 chapter 33 . 9/4/2017
wow...maybe Chris has a heart
| Anon chapter 33 . 9/3/2017
Wow, this story is intense and the situation seems to be constantly changing! I wonder what 'out' Chris and Tyler have in mind, or who Chris needs to get rid of. How will Harper feel after being ditched by Tyler? I have a suspicion the fire Tyler feels isn't just his craving for adrenaline, and maybe something more... we shall see!
| zomblien89 chapter 32 . 8/31/2017
so...what happened to him then? i sure would like to see more to this!
| zomblien89 chapter 22 . 8/31/2017
every chapter has been very interesting/captivating-and i know the rest will be as well!
| MileyRowling chapter 32 . 8/30/2017
Nice one! I really enjoyed it!
| MileyRowling chapter 31 . 8/22/2017
| MileyRowling chapter 30 . 8/7/2017
| MileyRowling chapter 29 . 7/31/2017
| zippywings chapter 16 . 7/26/2017
I like this chapter. It's quiet after all of the chaos in the previous chapters (or what could look like chaos with more action detailing the events), and I can sense the story moving in a new direction. Each scene is contained enough that I can appreciate what's happening without getting bogged down by unnecessary conversation points or set dressing or anything like that. The message is clear: Tyler has some hope. I know that hope won't last long, but I'm glad he's got some. This gives him a chance to grow a little as a character.
As of now, this part of the story shifts the direction of the story, and I'm curious where it will go. My biggest concern with this after reading the last 15 chapters is that this will turn the whole thing into a completely different story, making me wonder if this should be the end of Part 1 or the beginning of Part 2 for a possible trilogy. Because the first 15 chapters are setting up Tyler's situation, it's too early to tell what actually should happen next, especially if you consider that the previous 15 were largely backstory. But they are also tonally different than what this seems to set up, so it might be worth developing the first 15 as its own story with more detail and action helping the conflict along. That question will be better answered later in the reading.
But I don't have much to say about this chapter. Maybe some of the dialogue can be trimmed a little to keep it moving a touch faster, but it's not a big deal. Good job.
| MileyRowling chapter 28 . 7/24/2017
| MileyRowling chapter 27 . 7/19/2017
| MileyRowling chapter 26 . 7/10/2017
| MileyRowling chapter 25 . 7/5/2017
| MileyRowling chapter 24 . 6/20/2017
| Guest chapter 15 . 6/2/2017
Wait, so Alice is his lawyer? Shouldn't she not be aiding and abetting his escape then? Now I'm confused.
Okay, so let's back up here for a second. The cops surround him. Kylie is the one who turns him in. But, when did they see each other? I know that he calls her before he gets to town, but he doesn't actually see her, right? In the chapter before, he goes home to see her, but his dad is there, so he doesn't go in. How does she know he's there then? Did I miss something?
The other thing about the first part of the chapter is that there's no surprise here. We think the cops are coming. He thinks the cops are coming. And then the cops...they come. Whee? I think it's more suspenseful if he gets away, gets out of town, hides out for another week, catches his breath, and THEN gets caught because people were keeping track of his movements since he was spotted at the hospital (by his mother) and questions begat new questions that would lead to his capture in the one place he thinks he's safe.
The number one rule of suspense is to flip the reader's expectation, but keep it believable.
About Tyler's adrenaline, the reader is left to assume that the thrill is what kept him acting so illegally. That's fine, but what about his life makes that necessary? Is it possible to show that thrill taking form in the earlier chapters, giving him cause to keep doing it, and not just this perceived necessity that the reader is led to believe in the beginning?
Regarding his cold feelings toward Kylie-why doesn't he forgive her? Didn't he want to get caught? Shouldn't he be thanking her for breaking him out of the downward cycle he knew he had fallen into? Or is this more proof that he's emotions driven and not logic driven?
It's still heartbreaking, though. The snapshot of her reaction is strong enough to convey what she must be feeling by his reaction.
His view of Biffy is important. Knowing Biffy's crime and feeling indifferently about it is far more powerful than Tyler simply explaining that he feels dead inside. The details matter here, and this is a great place to show it.
Alice knew him for three years? Why didn't she try to stop his life of crime before it started? Maybe I'm forgetting the timeline though. I do think it's funny that Tyler is criticizing her ethics as a lawyer for wanting him to run to Mexico. I was thinking the same thing. :)
Watch your verb tense. "When my parents HAD first CAME to see me..." Should be "had come."
"The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife." Google that phrase and see how often it appears.
The last section is okay for the most part. I'm curious why the reality of dying fuels him now and not before. The explanation is given in a line, and not really shown. I think it's important to show the critical moments of a character's change of heart, not simply to explain them.
I'm glad we're finally caught up to the present. My idea of what this story is and should be may be different than where it's ready to go. I can talk more about that when I get to the final chapter, but I think reader expectation of the plot is important because you'll want to make sure it ends in a place appropriate to where it begins, and fifteen chapters of summary is a long stretch if the real story is just now beginning. But I'll table that discussion for later.