|Reviews for Across The Homeless Tides|
| Dlombardi chapter 1 . 1/16/2017
Nice intro , as in the first couple paragraphs. Really liked how it wasn't too dense, still left a bit of room for the reader to imagine what actually transpired.
Your first scene was a bar, but the innards of the bar weren't really described in the intro. For bar scenes, (or any scene actually) it's important to give a little taste of the ambiance to the reader. Yes, you did say it was loose, not as tense as before, people were loud, which all help, but was it light? Dark? (within the bar, noting the time of day could help too, but as long as you shed the tone inside your scene, you're good)
Was the bar worker the bartender?
The dialogue in your story was really well written! Will is so stubborn, but an interesting character. As for Jaime, I wonder what her intentions are? Helping a complete stranger like that? We will see :)
A tip though: After a nice whip of action, I was expecting a cliffhanger. Those are great for first chapters. Keep the reader wanting to see more. What happens to Will? Well right now he's beaten up. He's going to get patched up most likely. Not much of a page flipper, BUT the fact that you added Jaime could lead me to believe something may brew in the next chapter. So that was a good touch.