Reviews for Dessa: The Spirit of Vengeance (Book One)
Sporktastic chapter 1 . 2/21/2018
I'm trying to work up a more comprehensive review, but there's one thing that keeps tripping me up: keshuess. It seems like a recreational drug roughly equivalent to pot, which soldiers are NOT allowed to imbibe. It's legal where I live, and military personnel still aren't allowed to use it. I'm not saying no solider has ever bent the rules, but to do drugs in broad daylight, in a public place, on a regular basis? That's the behavior of a wayward teen, not a soldier. If the internet and public libraries exist, so do urine tests.

I come from a military family, so not every reader would notice this or take it as seriously. But, seeing as I do, my advice would be A) have him drinking alcohol or using some kind of tobacco product instead; something his sister might frown on, but not something that would get him court-martialed. Or B) give some mention of how he gets away with it - he knows when the testing will be, he's bribing a lab tech - idk, something. In my opinion, Cabil needs some discipline to go with his weapons and powers; the keshuess thing is where I notice it the most.
dmasterxd chapter 2 . 1/14/2018
Cat Skull is crazy, hopefully Cabil can get his revenge eventually. Narsus seems pretty cool. You did a good job expanding on the relationship between Cabil and Syreene here. Cabil seems to either be having that dream a lot or is just plagued by varying ones. It explains his attitude though. Well if it’s a part of his own subconscious and he does actually have feelings for Syreene, I’m completely fine with that. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

Nice chapter!
Starart152 chapter 2 . 1/13/2018
This is a nice chapter when we see more about who Cabil and his sister are. There is also the complex relationship between them. Cabil is kind of a jerk, but it seems that it is more than an act to hide his vulnerability than really being a jerk to her.
TheCaffeinatedBookworm chapter 1 . 1/11/2018
Wow- what a strong and intense start! I'm really enjoying it so far and what I especially like about is your writing style. It's very descriptive, beautiful, and poetic, I felt that I was actually there. The characters are all well-developed, especially Syreene. I also love the mix of a fantasy world and modern day society. I noticed at one point that Cabil said "let big brother take a break, 'mkay?", was that a reference to South Park? I laughed when I read it and I'm a big South Park fan. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this story! Great work!
Jaya Avendel chapter 8 . 1/7/2018
I loved the character interactions you play around with and present so well. You do a particulaurly good job with Syreene but Cabil is still one of my favorites.

The teacher that showed up to talk with Syreene gave me bad feelings from the start; he has one of those auras that screamed bad to me. I think his name also gave me a warning.

It was interesting having Syreene giving an account of her early life and how her parents were killed.

Cabil walked in and literally threw Seiger out the door! He went up within minutes. It may have been an overreaction. But Syreene is right; she does have to see him every day. I wonder how that will play out?
meelieaaa chapter 2 . 1/6/2018
I Think this is a really great start to a potentially awesome story. I cannot wait to read more and see where this goes :)
LorrahBear chapter 1 . 12/20/2017
This feels heavy with description, to the point where (for me), it’s actually serving tonremove me from the scene rather than build it. I also had trouble getting a feel for when this was happening. The overall diction leans towards “dark ages” ish, but then things are described in ways like “strobe lights.” Perhaps the first and later sections differ in timeline, but even the first section had mixed messages, both in the narrators descriptions as well as the word choice of the speaker.

You’re clearly dedicated to this story, and I hope you continue. The above paragraph are my main suggestions and suggestions to reconsider.
The Warrior Poet chapter 8 . 9/11/2017
I had a feeling there was something iffy about the teacher. It seems he killed Sy's parents, or that is how I read it at least.

Cabil returns home at an opportune time, but the teacher doesn't seem intimidated in the least. The guy was definitely getting creepy on the couch. I am surprised that Sy doesn't seem to be overly perturbed by the conversation, the 'F' on her marks seems to disturb her much more than Professor Creep.

I do hope that Sy can begin to cut Cabil a break, as she is now facing another threat and Narus is no longer around to help protect her. Then again, based on what we saw earlier with her transformation she seems fully capable of protecting herself.
The Warrior Poet chapter 7 . 9/11/2017
Definitely a disturbing set of events in the story, as we have the demon pair exposed.

The battle scene was pretty good, Kammeryn's mech arm-gun seems like a cool bit of technology. Cabil doesn't do much in this chapter (except Kammeryn) and is lucky that he got "stuck" with her as he would probably not have had a chance against Junior otherwise. The sex scene borders more on cringeworthy than sexy for me, but that is personal preference. Are we meant to assume that Kammeryn passes out because of how intense the sex is? If so, that seems a bit odd.

Cabil noticing the wound on Kammeryn seems significant, and now I am wondering if she is the assassin from earlier in the story.
thejammin78 chapter 8 . 9/11/2017
Oh Cabil and his temper, he's a grumpy one haha, I can relate to that! I'm getting a funny feeling about Seiger, I might be misreading but I'm getting a dodgy feeling about a teacher getting all funky with a student.

Glad to see Narus and Syreene reconnect, my two favourite characters so good to see them friends again.

All in all a good chapter to come back to the main story after Cabil's side quest. I'll definitely get the rest of the story on kindle/whatever when you release it, make sure you let me know when it's out!
BradytheJust chapter 8 . 9/10/2017
Wow, quite a lot of things to keep me ready for the next book!

You are an amazing writer and everything from your characters, to settings, to the conflicts, and inner turmoils of the characters... boy was it great!

Dessa was a joy of a story to read, and thank you for sharing it! Please keep it up and I can't wait to see what happens in book two!
The Warrior Poet chapter 6 . 9/8/2017
I like the two changes of scenery we have here.

Khorgathe, especially, seems very well described. I liked these sentences of description; they convey the sense of the place very well.

"Tall copper constructs and stone decorative domiciles outlined the vast streets. Towering tube chimneys expelled clouds of thick remnants of Ghryzite. Overhead, spires and pipes masked by the dense milky fog, mech-winged riders hovering beneath rocket lines;"

I found it interesting that Cabil is basically on a first-name basis with the prince and princess, and the fact that there seems to be some history between him and the princess, or maybe just attraction. I hope we get to delve into that a little more before the end of the story.

The farm is obviously hiding some dark secrets, but I am a little curious as to why Cabil went along so easily. He suspects that the councilman is trying to kill him, why would he walk so easily into what could be a trap? I suppose one thing you could say about Cabil is he may be confident to a fault.

Interested to see what happens.
The Warrior Poet chapter 5 . 9/5/2017
Some nice little tidbits of worldbuilding in this chapter. Good job at restraining yourself and resisting the temptation to tell instead of showing.

A good scene here between Cabil and Syreene. I like how they have apparently switched roles with Cabil being the one lecturing Syreene. I can also see the battle within Cabil between being a concerned parent figure and possibly a jealous love interest.

The new teacher seems to be an interesting development, I am fairly sure he will end up being something more than what he seems.
BradytheJust chapter 7 . 9/5/2017

First off, you did a good job with the romance scene. It was tasteful, fun to read, and fit well with the story. It'll definatly be helping me out when I write my romance scenes.

The demon in the town with Juinor and Marcie was scary but not unexpected... I hate quiet towns. The battle scene was well done, and I can't wait to read more!
The Warrior Poet chapter 4 . 9/3/2017
I am a bit confused by how Cabil and Narus find Syreene. They are heading to Syreene's friend's house, and in the next scene they find her in the dungeon with no apparent explanation of how. Then, we jump to the next morning and Syreene's first practice with Narus. Maybe this information was left out on purpose (revealed later in the story?) or maybe I am missing something.

The exchange between Zyda and Cabil was interesting -I didn't miss the double entendre involving fists...Zyda is a naughty girl. She apparently knows that playing on his sexual frustration is a good way of tormenting him.

There is some good tension between Kess/Narus and Syreene, also. Syreene attending the practices (apparently without Cabil's knowledge) is a good way to introduce more conflict between Cabil and Narus. I am looking forward to seeing how that plays out.
131 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »