|Reviews for Dessa|
| The Warrior Poet chapter 8 . 9/11
I had a feeling there was something iffy about the teacher. It seems he killed Sy's parents, or that is how I read it at least.
Cabil returns home at an opportune time, but the teacher doesn't seem intimidated in the least. The guy was definitely getting creepy on the couch. I am surprised that Sy doesn't seem to be overly perturbed by the conversation, the 'F' on her marks seems to disturb her much more than Professor Creep.
I do hope that Sy can begin to cut Cabil a break, as she is now facing another threat and Narus is no longer around to help protect her. Then again, based on what we saw earlier with her transformation she seems fully capable of protecting herself.
| The Warrior Poet chapter 7 . 9/11
Definitely a disturbing set of events in the story, as we have the demon pair exposed.
The battle scene was pretty good, Kammeryn's mech arm-gun seems like a cool bit of technology. Cabil doesn't do much in this chapter (except Kammeryn) and is lucky that he got "stuck" with her as he would probably not have had a chance against Junior otherwise. The sex scene borders more on cringeworthy than sexy for me, but that is personal preference. Are we meant to assume that Kammeryn passes out because of how intense the sex is? If so, that seems a bit odd.
Cabil noticing the wound on Kammeryn seems significant, and now I am wondering if she is the assassin from earlier in the story.
| thejammin78 chapter 8 . 9/11
Oh Cabil and his temper, he's a grumpy one haha, I can relate to that! I'm getting a funny feeling about Seiger, I might be misreading but I'm getting a dodgy feeling about a teacher getting all funky with a student.
Glad to see Narus and Syreene reconnect, my two favourite characters so good to see them friends again.
All in all a good chapter to come back to the main story after Cabil's side quest. I'll definitely get the rest of the story on kindle/whatever when you release it, make sure you let me know when it's out!
| BradytheJust chapter 8 . 9/10
Wow, quite a lot of things to keep me ready for the next book!
You are an amazing writer and everything from your characters, to settings, to the conflicts, and inner turmoils of the characters... boy was it great!
Dessa was a joy of a story to read, and thank you for sharing it! Please keep it up and I can't wait to see what happens in book two!
| The Warrior Poet chapter 6 . 9/8
I like the two changes of scenery we have here.
Khorgathe, especially, seems very well described. I liked these sentences of description; they convey the sense of the place very well.
"Tall copper constructs and stone decorative domiciles outlined the vast streets. Towering tube chimneys expelled clouds of thick remnants of Ghryzite. Overhead, spires and pipes masked by the dense milky fog, mech-winged riders hovering beneath rocket lines;"
I found it interesting that Cabil is basically on a first-name basis with the prince and princess, and the fact that there seems to be some history between him and the princess, or maybe just attraction. I hope we get to delve into that a little more before the end of the story.
The farm is obviously hiding some dark secrets, but I am a little curious as to why Cabil went along so easily. He suspects that the councilman is trying to kill him, why would he walk so easily into what could be a trap? I suppose one thing you could say about Cabil is he may be confident to a fault.
Interested to see what happens.
| The Warrior Poet chapter 5 . 9/5
Some nice little tidbits of worldbuilding in this chapter. Good job at restraining yourself and resisting the temptation to tell instead of showing.
A good scene here between Cabil and Syreene. I like how they have apparently switched roles with Cabil being the one lecturing Syreene. I can also see the battle within Cabil between being a concerned parent figure and possibly a jealous love interest.
The new teacher seems to be an interesting development, I am fairly sure he will end up being something more than what he seems.
| BradytheJust chapter 7 . 9/5
First off, you did a good job with the romance scene. It was tasteful, fun to read, and fit well with the story. It'll definatly be helping me out when I write my romance scenes.
The demon in the town with Juinor and Marcie was scary but not unexpected... I hate quiet towns. The battle scene was well done, and I can't wait to read more!
| The Warrior Poet chapter 4 . 9/3
I am a bit confused by how Cabil and Narus find Syreene. They are heading to Syreene's friend's house, and in the next scene they find her in the dungeon with no apparent explanation of how. Then, we jump to the next morning and Syreene's first practice with Narus. Maybe this information was left out on purpose (revealed later in the story?) or maybe I am missing something.
The exchange between Zyda and Cabil was interesting -I didn't miss the double entendre involving fists...Zyda is a naughty girl. She apparently knows that playing on his sexual frustration is a good way of tormenting him.
There is some good tension between Kess/Narus and Syreene, also. Syreene attending the practices (apparently without Cabil's knowledge) is a good way to introduce more conflict between Cabil and Narus. I am looking forward to seeing how that plays out.
| Alexander chapter 8 . 9/1
Now that's not right
| The Warrior Poet chapter 3 . 9/1
Its very dark and twisting down this rabbit hole!
I am now left wondering if the vampiric entity in the beginning of chapter 1 was actually Narus. Syreene's back story came as a complete surprise -I did not see that coming. I am completely lost, but not necessarily in a bad way. A complex story indeed.
I don't know what to make of Narus's feelings for Syreene. Fatherly? Romantic? Its hard to say. He first cares for her as a child but she is grown now, right? No matter what the case may be, Narus is quite an interesting character for being a vampire/werebeast/cannibal. I am even a little more interested in him than in Cabil.
| DogGoesMoo chapter 7 . 9/1
Whoa, this was one action packed chapter! From a questionable love scene to violent altercation with Junior. Though I do wonder who is this 'Lost cause' woman. Maybe she'll make an appearance later in the story?
he noticed the door slightly [agar,] - [ajar?]
"You'll pay for what you did to [junior]!" - (not sure about the convention but prior to this junior was capatalized)
| DogGoesMoo chapter 6 . 9/1
This looks like quite the eerie mission. And if Im reading this correctly, The Wallers arent as kind as they appear to be. Although I wish you worked in the details of the mission (unless I missed that). Im guessing they are there specifically to investigate the Wallers.
| Darth Zannacross chapter 8 . 8/31
Well, this was a intense chapter of confrontations in many ways. Nice she was able to reach out to Kess before he left, at least we got a better idea on what his struggles have been.
Cabil is clearly going through a lot to, still he's kind of over the edge being a dick to Seiger. He, at that point did not do anything to prove his intentions were creepy so if by the chance he was just being helpful Cabil was being paranoid. Well, I'm sure a few chapters down the line he's going to turn out to be a hetai demon or something but still, Cabli's relationship with his sister feels, controlling, this could get toxic without a breakthrough soon I guess.
Well, we will see, but, not on this site? Arg, did not realize you were not going to post the whole story here, a shame as, I'm curious on where this will go.
I admit, I don't quite know what kind of final verdict to give this story, it keeps swinging from romance heavy to monster fighting, I admit Cabli is kind of a jackass even if he has his reasons, we will see where it goes from here some day I guess. Either way hope to hear more from you, keep up the great work and till next time.
| shika-paprika chapter 8 . 8/31
Finally, a chapter more focused on Syreene. It was interesting to see Cabil in different scenarios, but I'll still find Syreene the more enjoyable of the two. Wasn't expecting the 8 Mile reference near the beginning, lol. Good timing on Cabil's part to stop the teacher from doing anything crude to his sister, but I wouldn't be surprised if his first impression affects his perception of his student. Didn't notice any errors, except for one. You forgot a "k" in "She ran, never looking bac." Overall, nice work.
| The Warrior Poet chapter 2 . 8/31
It's never explicitly stated, but it seems like Cabil just had a sexual dream about his adoptive sister. If that is the case you definitely have a unique love triangle set up here once you add in the priest. The dream sequence is very well written, by the way. Cabil's feelings of sexual frustration and lust are tangible. One thing that also occurred to me is the possibility that the assassin has somehow accessed Cabil's dreams and is using them to torment him.
Some interesting exposition here as we learn that Cabil has a target on his back. It seems the war with the demons isn't the only war with which Cabil has to concern himself. The local leadership is gunning for him.