|Reviews for My Stepmother's a Witch|
| Sychronergy chapter 1 . 3/5/2017
Ooh, I really like the beginning. You cleverly combined a classroom assignment with revealing background information about the protagonist and introduced a new character, Sarah. I also like this particular line: "old lady who seemed to have even more bracelets …Steffi did" - it's another one of those lines that kills two birds with one stone. I also love how you combine some creepy elements like a silver skeleton ornament with Johnny's innocent curiosity.
About that lurid green doll, though - - I personally will have more trouble sleeping if I had such a thing hanging over my bed, but that's just me, haha. I love how you describe it. One tiny thing is, by the time Johnny came home from school, went to the playground, visited the shop and ate food (presumably dinner) [you also mentioned that it was evening] - would there still be sunlight (the "rays of the sun streaming through the window…yellow glitter makeup")? Not sure if that's intentional in this world or what :P
Also, what a nice cliffhanger to end the story on! I love all the little things you explore, between a kid needing to accept a new step-mother, to the curious old shop to the innocent-seeming family time, to the creep factor of green doll and skeleton. Fascination amalgamation of interesting, curious things. Really love your writing!
| TheBeastlyPrincess chapter 1 . 2/7/2017
I like how different your writing style is in this story, this is clearly aimed at kids and it's great that you can change your writing style to suit your audience.
I like how you mention the sharp smell of her perfume, I think a child would definitely see it that way and it also gives us an idea of what her character is like, well done!
You write: "Johnny was interested.." This would sound better is it was a little less literal and maybe if you described his facial expression, or the way his eyes light up. Quite a lot of this chapter could do with some more descriptive detail to bring it to life.
You wrote: "Curios" it is spelt: "Curious"
Anyway, interesting start, you have some nice well developed characters and the makings of an interesting kids story! Good Luck!
| HybridStories31 chapter 1 . 2/5/2017
Very interesting start here. The way you portray the Johnny's thoughts and internal dialogue is very well done. You can see him struggling to make Steffi his mom even though part of him wants to. The way he transitions into caring about her and worrying for her safety was very well done too, if not a little fast paced.
I like the mystery clues in the chapter as well. Like the strange glitter on Steffi's face and her talk of magic.
One thing though during the scene when she goes off about the magic not working for barren women that just doesnt really make sense to me. It just seems like the rant came out of the blue with nothing to prompt it. She asked a question but instead of waiting for a response she went straight into a rant. Just seemed kind of off to me.
But otherwise a great start to the story.
| Timbo Slice chapter 1 . 2/1/2017
Hi there, first off I liked the relationship between Johnny and Steffi, you established a nice warm opening for them in the beginning with the family tree picture that does a good job of showing a child's natural reluctance to a new parent along with showing some history of their relationship. There was also nice dialogue between the two of them that came across as realistic and tender.
The use of subtle magic really helps to give the story a supernatural flair without being too obvious what it's about and this first chapter helped to set up more elements which in sure will be important to the story later like the cloaked figure and significance of the green bird feathers.
While I liked Johnny as a character it would be wise not to fall into the trap of writing from the experience of yourself as the author when it comes to writing from the perspective of a seven year old. Bothing too jarring though just some advice!
| shika-paprika chapter 3 . 1/27/2017
This story has a unique, but interesting plot. It has a little bit of Harry Potter vibe as I read this. I like how it switches from being a heartwarming tale about Johnny's growing bond with Steffi to a more mysterious, creepy vibe. I feel like this could be a little better if you added more detail, like in the first chapter where you mentioned Johnny loved Pinocchio. You could've explained why or what he loved about it.
| Zoicite23 chapter 2 . 1/23/2017
Another good chapter! I hadn't read this one before so I'm lucky, I get to review it now for the game. So much interesting stuff going on! I love the creepy magic vibe you have here, it's all very mysterious and eerie, it's amplified by the fact that we're seeing things through the eyes of a child and get that extra worry that not even he knows of the danger. When Johnny retreated back to his room to wait it felt like an appropriately-child thing to do. You'll need to make sure that you don't slip up, and keep monitoring Johnny's speech so that it's appropriate for his age. So far you seem to be doing well at this. I love your descriptions of the animals at the zoo, it was all very colourful. Especially the sting-rays. The magic is also exciting and subtle, not Harry-Potter-ish but very realistic in feel. The scene with Steffi freezing up at the eagle-feeding and the men discussing bird-related incidents in the paper make me even more curious about this mysterious bird-fiend. This is, again, an interesting concept for a story.
| Zoicite23 chapter 1 . 1/19/2017
Wow this was really well done! Congratulations. You know what, I'm gonna follow it. Just in case I feel like actively reading it later. Your style is very well done. It was creative and emotional. Johnny and Steffi are both interesting characters. The magic aspect is interesting and I sense that something else is going on... 'no white or grey magic can help a barren woman'. I was wondering while reading if Steffi was gonna go dark and sacrifice Johnny via black magic with that silver skeleton so she could have a baby xD She doesn't strike me as being that way though. The ending has me thinking... is Johnny in the astral plane? The little descriptions you gave to warp reality made me think so, the lights seeming dimmer and hallway longer, plus why would Johhny's Dad not wake up if a bird monster had broken into his room? This is an interesting concept for a story idea. A very young boy, I like how his way-of-speaking invades the dialogue but not in all the places, you still use the odd advanced word here and there. I don't know what to critique... I'm just not very critical when it comes to stories. Your grammar is perfect and it was interesting all the way through so... x)