|Reviews for Love On First Night|
| Richard S. O'Day chapter 7 . 10/23/2017
So, after like half a year I finally got around to finishing this story. yay
I very much liked it. The tone and pacing where consistent throughout, the characters felt pretty real, and the conflicts throughout the story did a great job of keeping my interest.
I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical problems.
While the ending may have been a little too cheesy for my liking, it's nice to see a happy ending for such a tragic character. A sad beginning gets a happy ending. A modern-day fairy tale.
| ChaowyBear21 chapter 7 . 9/20/2017
This was amazing. I like happy endings.
| ChaowyBear21 chapter 6 . 9/20/2017
The part where they made up made me happy. Yay!
| ChaowyBear21 chapter 5 . 9/20/2017
The end of this chapter made me frown...poor Roxanne :( that doll really did bring them together.
| ChaowyBear21 chapter 4 . 9/20/2017
Good chapter. Great writing. Liking this story so far.
| ChaowyBear21 chapter 3 . 9/20/2017
So far,story's good. When the end of the chapter mentioned the doll's complexion matching Trevor's,that made me wonder...
| ChaowyBear21 chapter 2 . 9/20/2017
Good chapter. Reading this,it made me go "awwww" when Trevor was being nice to Roxanne. Story's good so far. Can't wait to read more of this.
| ChaowyBear21 chapter 1 . 9/20/2017
Great prologue. The part where her parents died made me feel gloomy. I felt so bad for the protagonist. That one part where her grandmother threw her out of the house after she had an abortion made me go "Damn!" and I understand the grandma is pro-life and all but damn,throwing someone out of their home is sad.
I'm proud of the prologue either way. Good word choice and word flow. Very descriptive.
| Mrs. Awesomesauceness chapter 7 . 7/1/2017
I liked this story. I do think it's interesting that Roxy claimed to not hate the world and be a more positive, optimistic person because throughout the story, she held a sense of positivity and naive-ness. Even throughout the break-up, her knowing that she needed closure in the midst of feeling hopeless is pretty hopeful behavior. Anyways, I'm just saying that her negative emotions weren't as delved into in this story but it was still very creative and loving.
| Sorbonne chapter 7 . 5/28/2017
Hi There! I'm reviewing from The Bar, so here it is.
I've read all seven chapters of the story and overall I found it enjoyable. The first two read almost like vignettes. Your writing style is simplistic, which also means it's very easy to follow. However, if you look to expand this story past it's short-story form, it would be great if you could add sensory detail. What do things smell like? How does the energy on Bourbon Street feel? How does the protagonist truly feel about being a prostitute? I feel like there are so many chances to expand within many of the chapters.
For your sex scenes, they're entertaining to read. I would suggest if you want to make them more steamy, maybe describe how the orgasm feels, the feeling of being pressed skin to skin with someone,the nuances that make sex great. I also really, really appreciate the mostly safe sex practices you but in (using birth control, talking of cleanliness. Would be even better is they went STI testing together).
On this particular chapter, is was a nice wrap up of the story. It would be nice to know why she has chosen to be a lawyer. Is she fighting for sex industry rights? Was it something she excelled in previously at school? I think the aspect I have the most trouble with is her ending up infertile due to taking birth control so long. That is medically false, that taking the birth control pill extensively, over years will make you infertile. It will not. A woman is more likely to become infertile due to an untreated case of chlamydia.
Overall, I think the story is a fun read, mixing real life situations with a bit of mystical interference.
Hope this review is helpful!
| J.Kuzzey chapter 1 . 5/2/2017
Really good prologue. Definitely shows off what kind of writer you are. The pacing and tempo of your narration was pleasing and easy to follow. Obviously, this early in the story I can't comment on actual plot or characters, but I'm drawn in enough to read another chapter. I will say that you did a good job here giving us a snapshot of her past and how much she's been through, which I think will lend itself to better understanding her in the story. Nice job.
| Richard S. O'Day chapter 1 . 5/1/2017
I really like the story/fairy tale-esque vibe that comes through in the writing. It's a nice and lighthearted way to approach the rather dark and gloomy subject matter. You put in a great amount of detail in your writing without going overboard, a delicate line to walk and you seem to be doing it well.
One suggestion I would have is not to use brackets in fiction writing. It is too abrupt and formal for a narrative and can take one out of the immersion. I would suggest using italics, commas, dashes or some other type of punctuation instead. That would look far better and help the flow of the story.
Using rigatoni as a measure of size when talking about a murder/suicide in Little Italy might be a little too tongue in cheek. But that might just me being nit-picky :P
Overall, I enjoyed this prologue and will be reading more or this story!