|Reviews for What If?|
| Sharon Valentine chapter 1 . 1/19/2018
I am NOT a gamer but I enjoyed the story. Nicely done!
| alltheeagles chapter 4 . 9/29/2017
It's a sad story, there's no denying that, but I still find beauty in the description of the nobility of the ones who lost their lives. You don't have to be a hero to have a beautiful human spirit. I got choked up reading this, yes, and goosepimply too, so you can take that, my friend, as a sign of really good writing!
| Prime Jeremy chapter 4 . 9/29/2017
I hope they never see war again, but they probably will.
| Prime Jeremy chapter 3 . 9/29/2017
I think they are going to die.
| Prime Jeremy chapter 2 . 9/29/2017
Oh, I'm sure there will be worse.
| Prime Jeremy chapter 1 . 9/29/2017
I hope he finds it again
| LorrahBear chapter 1 . 7/12/2017
This is interesting (I love my games too!), but I don't know that this belongs here. It seems like it would be better placed on FanFiction instead of FictionPress.
Watch your punctuation around dialogue, but this was easy to visualize. Nice job.
| alltheeagles chapter 3 . 7/10/2017
Why'd the pikemen go into the water? Did the game's AI send them there? Anyway, in a close-range fight of archers against pikemen I'd definitely bet on the latter. See, I've learned some basic strategy, haha! Why do you talk about technologically advanced barbarians? I'd hardly consider pikes as high technology!
| alltheeagles chapter 2 . 3/18/2017
I'm not sure how having Kota die was a closure, but well he got to go doing what he really, really, wanted to! I do admire how you can visualise fight scenes and describe them cleanly, so that even an ignoramus like me can follow how things are unfolding.
I'm not up to speed on the whole Star Wars tale so there are certain things I don't really get, like am I right to understand that Galen was once a fugitive who blinded his teacher? Something tells me I need a whole lot of background knowledge to figure that one out...
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 3/18/2017
...as hard and as twisted as the roots of the trees... that's a really nice turn of phrase, and if he'd been done in by a sylvan then that would really be poetic justice! :)
I'm not a gamer, as you well know, so I won't pretend I know much about the technical side of things. I can see that you put a lot of effort into the writing (and no doubt playing) of the scene, but I would say that if you're writing this as a novel-style piece then you could do with more details because that's what readers usually want, so that they can immerse themselves in the world that you're creating. E.g. instead of a straightforward 'The dwarf warden, Faren, drew his axe' it'd be more like 'Faren drew his axe. The weapon was as outlandishly large as his stature was brow-raisingly-and some would say, comically-short. Faren was, indeed, small, even for a dwarf, but what he lacked in size he more than made up for in ferocity, as the number of notches in his axe handle affirmed. One for every life he'd ever taken, and he would soon be running out of handle on which to keep his records.