|Reviews for Sterling|
| Sychronergy chapter 1 . 4/19/2017
Ooh, I do adore this non-linear, abstract sense of storytelling. I like how you open it with a voice message and it sort of gave me the feeling that I'm watching a movie.
The second part, the journal who is from someone who doesn't appear to be human (as he calls Alexander a human and finds being sick to be such a big deal) is just as interesting. I find it interesting that he begins with a very humanistic message about making sacrifices/looking out for those in need, yet goes on to suggest that he's not a human - gives me a kind of philosophical feel that maybe you're trying to say that kindness/selflessness is a universal trait, not exclusive to humans - or that maybe Luther encounter things that made him change his mind.
The transcript of a phone conversation also adds to that jarring feeling of your writing. I'm kind of thinking of a video game where you're supposed to go around and figure things out now.
Very good start (:
| martyr chapter 3 . 4/19/2017
This is very well written! You have an interesting technique of writing, I like it. Honestly, I feel like this belongs in a book, it's complex and I feel would be very successful. I'd love to see more.
| E.M. Grinstead chapter 3 . 4/13/2017
This is getting interesting...please keep going!
| JayJarvis chapter 3 . 4/12/2017
Another good one, but it would be nice if you could hold off the language.
| JayJarvis chapter 2 . 4/12/2017
Okay, so the overall thing is great, mostly because you've given us enough information not to feel lost but plenty of unanswered questions so we're interested. Keep that up.
Some advise, though. Make sure there is some reason why this guy keeps a journal, cause while it's a good thing to do but most people don't. It should be evident in either his personality or some obscure motive.
The only thing that bothered me was right at the end of two, when he's on the phone with Luther. It says neither of them spoke for a few minutes. Most people don't wait on the phone for a few minutes especially when they're supposed to be on the job. A long pause would suffice.
I'll be following your story from now on. Keep it up, and I'll try to continue to review every few chapters or so.
| Electrumwriter chapter 2 . 4/12/2017
Ah, this is definitely a contrasting approach to the previous chapter. The omniscient third person narrator. This is a challenging style to work with. I only ever attempt either first person on third person limited POV.
To start out with, I best liked the moment from Nola’s POV. It’s a realistic and tender touch that she observes and cares that Alex is stressed.
My guesses may miss the mark with Luther, but I can keep trying. The possibility is there that he is simply delusional. And really, any one of Alex’s guesses could be correct. I suppose Luther plays with Nola’s phone to repay her for reading his journal.
In the following scene the part I liked was whether Alex’s imagination seems to run away with him when he imagines Luther bearing tragic news. It helps with giving more of a sense of who Alex is.
There’s a possible lesson to be imparted from Luther’s antics. It’s great to be charitable to someone in need, but there also needs to be a mutual respect which Luther doesn’t get.
| Dlombardi chapter 2 . 4/11/2017
WHoA, a total shift!
Firstly, it seems you aren't taking sides in any of your character's POV, so you are strictly narrating. With that being said, I think your first chapter should be a prologue. This chapter would work so much better as your chapter one.
Watch out for starting your chapters with names; you can start off with something more engaging for the reader. Like, a slight (doesn't have to be lengthy at all) introduction to cozy the reader into the scene, give them a feel for the mood, ya know?
Now I thought I had Luther's persona semi down pact, but he said "Yay!" That completely threw me off! lol I thought maybe Nola texted him that to mess with him. He got comfortable quickly. Better second chapter, I would introduce more contents such as action, conflict, resolution, because this needs a bit more support to be a stand alone chapter. Also I couldn't help but feel you rushed the ending! Don't be afraid to add on. No limits!
| Dlombardi chapter 1 . 4/11/2017
I've actually never read a story with a transcript for an intro. It was very different! I was a bit pulled back and forth though between your characters' POV. At first it was Alex's, then Luther's, but it was his journal. To me it seems it went from third person, shifting to first (even though it was a journal entry), then again to third. The way it's written makes me believe these are artifacts waiting to be discovered, like clues.
If that's the idea, then it's definitely working. I feel like Luther isn't human himself, the way he noted how Alex was. So that was interesting. Definitely a lot of cliffhangers here, a lot of unanswered questions. I am curious as to why Alex would scoop him up and not call 911 from the corridor. Instead he took him in. May say something about his character.
Gonna read the next chapter for answers!
| forty-two dreams chapter 2 . 4/10/2017
There's something off about this alien. He seems very serious, but then he says things like 'Yay!' Wonder what his deal is.
| Electrumwriter chapter 1 . 4/7/2017
I quite like this approach to story telling. That of using as if real recordings and journal entries. Dracula was presented in that form and that certainly captured the public imagination at the time.
So the blurb was enough to tell us that it’s Alex who rescued the mysterious creature from the dumpster. His speech sounds very realistic and off the cuff. I would agree that his kind heartedness may very well get him into a lot of trouble.
As for Luther Sterling… I infer he’s from the future, a parallel universe or maybe off world, given he’s totally unprepared even for mundane diseases like ‘Flu. His stilted writing style contrasts with the conversations in the other sections.
So Nola’s willing to help him? I take it Alex has done stuff like this before. It’s fun trying to guess their relationship from the fragment of conversation. I think that Nola at least is a nurse, but we don’t know their relationship yet.
| CheddarBrat789 chapter 1 . 4/5/2017
I really enjoyed the mysterious and foreboding tone that this chapter gave off. I can't speak for other people, but I know I myself was instantly hooked the minute I started reading. Given how short this chapter was, I'm afraid I don't have much more to say on it, but it was definitely a good read, with no errors in terms of grammar or other writing mechanics.
If there's one thing I will suggest, though, it's to write the third section a bit differently (like maybe keep the dialogue, but add quotes and specify that the conversation is over the phone or something of the sort). It could be interpreted as a script, which is against the rules, and will be deleted if a mod finds it.
Other than that minor precaution, you've written an impressive start to this story, and I encourage you to continue with it.