|Reviews for Endark|
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 3 . 6/12/2017
I'm sorry to hear this won't be continued. It seemed really interesting but I understand the fear of plagiarism and everything; good luck with publishing!
| Barbados chapter 3 . 5/4/2017
| Barbados chapter 2 . 5/1/2017
I'm guessing this is from Arena's POV, but it's not established anywhere, so maybe not?
Hmmm, the final chapter only mentions seven siblings... so assuming Arena is the POV, then who and where is number nine? Also, was this an intentional omission? As in, perhaps no one really gives much thought of/to whoever sibling #9 is. That would be interesting.
Some fantastic imagery, such as the moon dying the vines blue.
Also some great character building bits, like Arena's desire to stand in front of an army, cape whipping in the wind, and be pretty much like her father.
All in all, it remains very intriguing and a good read. I'm looking forward to its continuation.
| AeroSakura chapter 2 . 4/28/2017
very well written I feel as if I've picked it right off of a bestseller shelf at the bookstore
| Barbados chapter 1 . 4/27/2017
So first off, the synopsis is spot on. Well done there.
I love that Malgrim (a horribly dark and twisted name) chose to name is daughter Arena. It has a feminine sound, but such a brutal connotation. It's perfect.
I enjoyed both the character of Malgrim and the character of Neil. There were some great lines that really helped illustrate their personalities, such as when Malgrim chose not to change the furniture because placing himself in that position was beneath him. I also liked how Malgrim didn't get a rise out of Neil despite his efforts.
The things that threw me: Commander isn't capitalized, as it should be if it's a title. Also, "combat on dragonback competition" sounds terribly unlikely as an event name, I fear. Too generic. If that is what it's called, however, then it too needs to be capitalized.
I was surprised to hear the office was also the sleeping quarters. Or maybe it's so lavish, that he has a bed in his office as well as a bedroom somewhere.
Lastly, I feel like the opening line needs shortening - removing the bit about the subordinate. It's a little more powerful without it, making a better hook, and the subordinate relationship gets established two lines later when Neil addresses Malgrim as "my lord".
I'll be back for more later, but I'm intrigued by the start of this. :)
| Lorne Shora chapter 2 . 4/25/2017
Yay! I'm really happy that you're starting this. I'm looking forward to the next chapters!
I'm a little confused as to who their father is. Or rather, I was. This is interesting. I wasn't expecting Arena to be his daughter. I'm getting a better, clearer idea of what this society is like now. Are they empires? Clans? Families? Why are they fighting President Graves? Are they fighting him? Maybe I should reread this.
I'm immediately interested in the other siblings. I love that last paragraph. It reveals a bit of them, and they sound... interesting, to say the least!
| AeroSakura chapter 1 . 4/21/2017
I really like where this is going and a female commander sounds badass! I wonder why this malgrim guy is so interested in making her commander! maybe they have a past? it's all very intriguing! can't wait to learn more about this world!
| PatrioticSwellow chapter 2 . 4/17/2017
Love the chapter. Oh yes... The blood knives have returned! Also wondering who these nine people are, other than Arena's and herself. Oh and Neil with those other people. Don't really see where this is headed though. This can be a good thing, you know, to make the reader want more of this, but don't overdo it. If we don't get answers quick enough, we could lose interest. I do sense some mission coming up though for Arena though, so this is good. Just be aware.
| FadingScreams chapter 1 . 4/13/2017
So far, so good. Look forward to reading more. :)
| PeachesForMe chapter 1 . 4/12/2017
This is well-written and overall a really great piece. Here are a few suggestions:
I would get rid of "across from him" in the first line, it takes away a little bit from the fact that she is his subordinate. Maybe there should also be a little more description so it isn't all dialogue. If that was the feel you were going for though, keep it!
I like this a lot. You don't give too much- or any, actually- backstory so it isn't like a typical first-chapter info dump. You put the reader right in the moment so they can focus on the action and get to know the characters before being concerned with their pasts. I hope you continue this!
P.S. Terms like "dragonback" give this a little bit of a classic fantasy feel and I'm hype!