Reviews for Fur and Silver (Revised edition) |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Glad Sion and Berwyn hit it off to work together without to much hassle, sounds like they are going to need it to rescue Julia in one piece. Well, learned enough about Sion to root for him to catch a break, we will see if he can keep his head and his heart for the remainder of the story. |
![]() ![]() ![]() This is a good chapter where we learned what happened to the castle. Julia is in big trouble and I wonder how long she will resist before breaking down from the mental torture he is inflicting her. |
![]() ![]() ![]() We roll back time to cover some old fashion princess rescuing. Well, these Princess guards's seem only sightly more competent then the Toads in Mario...doh. Nero and Klaus are putting Julia in a tight spot...hopefully she can be rescued before things get to dire. |
![]() ![]() ![]() This is a nice chapter to introduce the two characters. I like the duel between the Werewolf and Berwyn. They are little about the characters yet, but we know enough to make the two of them interrestings. |
![]() ![]() ![]() ( gets hit by confetti cannon...gets back up.) Hey there Just, saw Fur and sliver's revised addition and figured I'd give it a shot. Werewolves always make things either fun or intense and that's proving to be the case for Berwyn, showing off his skills besting this wild dog here. Also showing he has a heart as he tries to see what's causing his target's pain. Should be a fun ride, keep up the good work and till next time. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Thank you for writing this wonderful story! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Thank goodness, the trio lived, I thought one of them might die, thanks! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Deadeye seemed so badass, Necro must have more tricks up his sleeve, thanks! |
![]() ![]() ![]() I thought the bell rang because of vampires, but an evil mage is worse, this is good, thanks! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Love the story |
![]() ![]() ![]() Remember that sidekick that I mentioned last chapter? How's this for a crazy idea? Julia and Sion have a baby and then for some reason they have to hide the child or he/she runs away (cause he/she feels ashamed of being 'cursed') and they either decide to make Berwyn the guardian or he accidentally becomes the child's caretaker? They'd have adventures all over, while trying to find a cure for the condition. What do you think? |
![]() ![]() ![]() The ending is just as melancholic as I remember it. I don't know why I'm feeling so sorry for the defeated baddies. Oh well, it'd be unrealistic to have a happily ever after ending in which EVERYONE gets what they want, cause life just isn't like that. Berwyn (sorry I keep spelling his name wrong) is a very thoughtful character - it'd be interesting to have more one-shots about him. Especially if you give him a super-sunny sidekick who'll drive him crazy with cheerfulness (hint, hint) |
![]() ![]() ![]() Necro is doing a Captain Obvious there with "my creature are vanishing and my bandits have been defeated" My suggestion would be "You think you've won, eh, little girl? Defeated my creatures? Taken away my bandits? You think I have nothing left?" Just an editing note: the punctuation for some of the dialogue lines need work, like "We go in there," and "Or monsters themselves," |
![]() ![]() ![]() Not much to say here, except maybe you need to check on the italics, cause it isn't completely regular, some inner thoughts are italics but some are not. I might add a small suggestion - this exchange after the bears and elves appear: "They're not our friends," Brewyn said, keeping his eyes on the group. "I know," the other man replied, "You can tell by their eyes." Typos: if I could turn into, whoSE ears |
![]() ![]() ![]() Here's a suggestion for explaining how Berwyn decides to trust Sion - he could have some elfin sense or magic to tell whether a person is telling the truth, or he could have some kind of magical item like an amulet or crystal that does the job. Or he could even have a pet! A magical truth-sensing squirrel with armour - how adorable would that be? |