|Reviews for Victims Of The Cave|
| Electrumwriter chapter 1 . 4/17/2017
I’m actually in two minds about how much exposition about characters should be told at the beginning of a piece. For a brief one shot, I suppose the details of their physical appearance and their pecking order in the household have got to be told quickly, since there isn’t going to be time in such a short piece to convey it by other means.
Maybe mention the monsters under the bed thing at the beginning too, since as it is, it sort of comes out of nowhere at the end.
So Jason is definitely the leader and the instigator, that comes across clearly in the dialogue.
If you want allusions about tunnels and deadly contests that are either not girly or girly, try Deathtrap Dungeon (the 1980s game book) and the Hunger Games. The tunnels of Deathtrap Dungeon were even more horrendous than this network of caves the boys find.
The strongest part of the description is Mason’s first impression of the cave. Not just like entering another world, but also resembling the skeleton of a giant sea creature. That is a memorable moment. I like the crystal formations too, I’m like a magpie.
Where does the murderous machine come from? Perhaps it’s best that we don’t know. The place did look like a machine graveyard, so perhaps it is a zombie machine. But with the sudden of the human zombies, perhaps emphasise more that they are human cadavers – either way, it immediately makes the entire piece a lot more uncanny…