|Reviews for Jack Simple|
| Jaya Avendel chapter 10 . 7/15/2017
Lovely story. The setting in which Eidna and Jack lived can be visualized clearly.
| Jaya Avendel chapter 3 . 7/15/2017
The last scene brought laughter to my lips!
| Jaya Avendel chapter 2 . 7/15/2017
Your characters are well portrayed.
| Gray W. Wolfe chapter 4 . 7/14/2017
I liked this chapter as we get the backstories for Eidna and Jack. I think it would have been better for Jack's backstory to be in dialogue so as to a feel of just what kind of hard times he had when he was younger.
The opening scene was great though and while abrupt with an accidental firing of the blunderbuss, it's idyllic in that Jack and Eidna get to b closer together. It's scenes like this that hones in the setting you're describing.
This line: "And this one will cause waking dreams," he said, pointing to a small colony of toadstools with red caps and white scales. "I don't recommend trying it." Perfect description of the fly agaric mushroom known for its hallucinogenic properties. It's either that or you described Super Mario's growth mushroom. ;)
Good ending to the chapter as well.
| Gray W. Wolfe chapter 3 . 7/12/2017
Ah, the way to a man's heart is truly through his stomach.
Eidna has him now which means she is trying to impress Jack if this is any indication of being based from history. I also enjoy the banter they share with each other as if they were fated to meet.
This is an enjoyable chapter. Eidna is now trying to impress Jack whereas we knew what Jack's thoughts were.
| Gray W. Wolfe chapter 2 . 7/11/2017
Nice exposition. Definitely tidbits of world-building through Jack's POV and I enjoy world-building. I like Eidna's attitude as well.
It's amusing to see how meticulous Jack is, but then distracted by thoughts of Eidna. I find it realistic of the common people of the 17th Century and I think you really provide the setting with Jack wearing a hunters tarpaulin (entwined with string no less), a buff coat, and the blunderbuss.
Buff coat though is two words, not one though.
I liked this chapter. While it didn't have much pacing or tension, you set the tone and provide a bit more background for Jack.
| Gray W. Wolfe chapter 1 . 7/10/2017
I like the world-building here and the use of some archaic words. I wish I read more fantasy in which novice readers do this as it helps their writing considerably.
You have a nice start for Jack and Eidna with Jack being the shrewd business man.
We'll see if Eidna manages to turn the tables on him.
| ToasterDanceParty chapter 6 . 6/8/2017
Very interesting turn of events.
| ToasterDanceParty chapter 1 . 6/8/2017
Like the story so far, like the little click these two characters had with their first interaction.
| AngryFerrets chapter 1 . 5/10/2017
This is actually a very intriguing start. The conversation is well laid out and engaging, amusing even at times. It shows some good chemistry and interaction between the characters although; it does seem to switch gears from irritated, to flirty, to annoyed. The quick emotional turns are sometimes hard to follow, not in that I don't recognize them but I don't know where they are coming from. People don't often go from annoyed to flirting in the span of a sentence.
However, the overall impression and feel of the opening chapter was refreshing and well done.
| jkleeberger22 chapter 1 . 4/23/2017
As much as I adore stories with warriors, princesses, and magic, this was pleasantly refreshing. I really like the character of Jack, and I think he is very well developed. It says a lot about him that he doesn't mind the nickname a lot of people would be offended by. Thanks for sharing!
| AlternatingCurrent chapter 1 . 4/20/2017
I enjoyed this line: "Stupid was paying for something that Mother Earth gave away for free."
Referring to the seasons as companions was a nice touch that fit the atmosphere of the story.
It's hard to see that Eidna changes so quickly from being exasperated to flirting with Jack when up to this point she has only been described as annoyed and wanting to get on with her errands. I would suggest adding in a little bit of suggestion of flirtation while they are bartering the price, otherwise it comes off as a little forced at the end. Also, it might add to the scene to have Jack's dog contribute to the interactions? Just a thought.
I like the clarification between simple and stupid, and how Jack doesn't mind his nickname. I am interested by your summary of showing the magic that resides within the mundane. A tall order, best of luck!
| Tom Frost chapter 1 . 4/20/2017
In a genre full of stories with grand scopes that fail they to sufficiently explore, this is a refreshing change of pace: A lovely conversation, well written and pleasently paced. I'm looking forward how this story develops.