|Reviews for MK ULTRA|
| Mislav chapter 1 . 3/3
Very interesting, intense and disturbing story. You described Lisa's confusion and fear at the beginning so well. And she was most worried about her daughter... Pierre seemed like such a sweet, well-intended old man. To think that they killed him just for trying to help Lisa... so sad. That ending was chilling. The revelation was horrifying. So many brainwashed, as children, just so those monsters could abuse them in the worst ways and make them obey their every command. I felt so sorry for Lisa. The fact that the key word still worked after all those years was especially creepy. The way the Alpha made her say goodbye to her daughter first was heartbreaking. To think that, in the end, those bastards didn't even kill her but made her commit suicide... The last line was very impactful. Keep up the great work. You are very talented. I wouldn't mind reading a sequel to this, but it works pretty well on its own too.
| Katie Grey chapter 1 . 6/12/2017
Wow... I'm a bit speechless, actually.
This story moved REALLY fast. I barely had time to process what was happening before the chapter was over and done with. It went from a mysterious trance to a flashback to some stuff that I could barely wrap my head around before it was over and she had killed herself.
Sometimes, moving quickly can help fuel a story. Sometimes, it can leave the reader and confused. In this case, it was a bit of both. I kind of just want to stare at the ceiling and think about it, but I also don't...
I do wish that you had explained a bit more about this Alpha Omega stuff. It just happened, but I don't really know anything about it. I would definitely like to know more about this whole thing. What actually happened to Lisa?
I understand that you're most likely not going to continue this, but if you do or if you write a prequel or something, I'll definitely read it.
| Henry Palmetto chapter 1 . 4/28/2017
You pack a lot in under five thousand words: this is a very plot-oriented story, but it doesn't become too sidetracked, and it retains much of its pacing throughout. That being said, this story should be half its current length. The section that starts the story up to "Two Weeks Later" can be cut-it establishes nothing save that the protagonist has a daughter and suffers from bad dreams. The exchange with the hypnotist dawdles: he talks an awful lot about his backstory, the details of which are mostly unnecessary. Her vision of the church is really where the story begins: I would even suggest everything prior to this be cut, and the scene with the hypnotist further condensed. The stranger's appearance at the end is entirely random and doesn't make much sense to me. I also don't understand why the story ends with her suicide. The beginning and the scene with the hypnotist make me to believe that this will be a story about the protagonist's overcoming some childhood trauma: by the end, this plot has been discarded and instead she has stumbled upon the center of an enormous brainwashing conspiracy. This plot seems better suited for a thriller of longer length rather than a short story. The writing is strong, although it tends to the melodramatic, and many of the details you could do without. Overall, an entertaining piece: thank you for the read!
| Francoist chapter 1 . 4/25/2017
Reviewing as I go along
First things first, before you get the the ‘two days later’ it might be an idea to go into more detail about the trance issues she’s having. As a reader you can’t help but wonder what the trance issues are. Normally this is met with curiosity, however the ‘two days later’ bit sort of hits you in the face with still no answer. Also you may want to give people a heads-up that another language is used at some point in this story. (One way to deal with this could be to suggest readers have google translate nearby. One way to negate that could be to say “Qui est juste mon amie” said Pierre which Lisa, recalling her French days knew meant…(whatever it means). I always feel using another language livens up a book so keep doing it, you just sort of kick yourself when you happen upon readers who don’t know the language and therefore get thrown off by it. Some may know what it means, but sometimes writing for the least knowledgeable reader is best. Again I must say the same thing about a fuge trance. I even tried looking it up and didn’t find anything. Unless you plan to explain something for what it is, it might be better to use simple every-day language that readers understand. Are you possibly trying to say sleep walking? Great stuff when it comes to the hypnotising! Easy to read and quite enticing too. Unlike your lead up to ‘two days later’, your lead up to ‘the next day’ is much much better. You can’t help but serge ahead to see what could be “far more sinister then she could even imagine.” I was going to jump in and add you should warn people about the nudity and language, but then I noticed your correct rating so all good there. I would however suggest that you warn people this is a one-shot. It’s sad to know that it is because it gets really good towards the end. You can’t help but wonder what the girl goes through, though a reader could assume she ends up like her mom. All in all this is fascinating read, well done!