Reviews for Big Sleep
LittleAlchemist chapter 1 . 6/2/2017
Chilling and great job! So this is brief but it has the potential to be something great if you continue. Or if you write something else similar to this you have the writing talent to pull it off. The descriptiveness and talent with words is one of your best qualities in writing, in my opinion. I loved how you described space and the palace on Olympus Mons, which is a mountain on Mars I think but maybe it's also a mythical place of the Greek Gods? You should consider writing something fantasy like this about gods and people, I think it'd be great. The ending was very dramatic. The God of Dreams made all of humanity fall asleep in an instant, causing collisions and explosions and failed surgeries everywhere. As well as computer game rages and it's fun to think of what else. You could actually make this story part-comedy if you continued on with this and write everything that went wrong. I'm not going to be critical cause I don't see a flaw and I know people like to always improve but I think there's a point where people just get nit-picky and I can't see a way in which this could've been written better. It's a small excerpt-y thing but creative and enjoyable to read. Good work!
Sychronergy chapter 1 . 6/2/2017
Hmmmmmm. I like the idea this piece presents. Powerful, divine beings that rise above humanity and span multiple universes at once. I like the suspense, I like the promise of a real nightmare - one more nightmarish than everyone falling asleep and planes plummeting from the sky. I like the theme of *wrath*; this theme of anger that isn't quite anger - the voice is detached and barely human.


I feel like this piece needs more. More ~unearthly~ description to really hammer in how divine and superhuman those beings are. I feel like you'd do better to not tell us the antagonist is Morpheus, the God of Dreams. I feel like letting him be this genderless, undefined, omnipotent being will make him so much more ominous. The "sleeeeeeep" (not precise with the number of 'e's) also carries a bit of a too-obvious dun-dun-dun effect that is a tiny bit comical. Annnd, lastly, the last part needs more chaos and destruction :D Airplanes plummeting from the sky packs a punch, but you need more than one punch and the rest of your imagery is not that strong. Like; soldiers falling asleep over corpses and weapons, planes plummeting smoking debris of splintered cars? Just a few words!