|Reviews for Sovereign: Dominion|
| Matheos86 chapter 3 . 1/15/2018
Again I must say, you have a way with language. Your writing style is outright impressive. I did not notice a single boring or repetitive dialogue or action tag. The descriptions are continually engaging, including the surroundings, despite the bleak citadel interior where there isn't much to describe. But what there was (I guess also the bleakness itself), you described exhaustively, without overdoing or straining it. The flow and pacing is pretty much impeccable. Technically, I feel this chapter goes even one step further from the previous one, which was wonderful.
Characterization is thorough and consistent, descriptions and dialogue playing an even role in it. A lot of that is done through the way they interact, and that is portrayed convincingly. Honestly, my favorite interaction was actually Graves' conversation with Syrosk in the halls after he noticed his uneven gait. So little said, yet so much showed through the way they talked. Abundance of subtext. Just delicious. I have to know the other two candidates better to form my opinon on them. For now, Graves is still my favorite. There were some moments that cracked me up. „Bet that hurt“ got me laughing out loud, yet it wasn't feeling out of place.
In the end, I must say I love that Syrosk guy. I love that he is of a darker complexion, and how he is self-aware of his struggle in a pragmatic way, which especially comes out when he offers to the three Sovereigns a new kind of Dominion society. I enjoyed how he emphasized the differences in that new order of things, e.g. „My boss is Magister Kelric of the Ministry of Economics. Not my 'master'. My boss.“ And then the whole thing about no more backstabbing, no more power plays. One can sense frustration with such m.o. and the will to create something more sustainable. Yes, there is a SW's Sith reimagining background to it, but you effectively translated the issues into another setting.
In short, the story is continuing in a superb way.
| Skull chapter 1 . 9/25/2017
Strong opening. :] Strong writing.
| Matheos86 chapter 2 . 9/4/2017
Truly one of the best pieces I have read so far. I will start with the world building (since it is my fav part of fiction writing). In two words: very convincing. Your descriptions of the setting are detailed yet not superfluous, conveying the atmosphere with extraordinary ease, whether it is the tavern, streets and cityscape, or the citadel and its surroundings. It is both so well devised and well described that I wish a movie could be made about it. Yes, the world looks so good and gives such impression of coherence it could easily start a new unique franchise. Truth be told, one could see that SW was the starting point, in that it mixes tradition with modernity and magic with technology. However, you steered it in a totally fresh trajectory, spicing it with a more earthy and vintage taste and thus giving birth to a verily new fantastic world. And this world isn't conveyed only by physical descriptions, but by a fine prologue and historical introduction that is not a paragraph too long or too short, but just about right to give a framework.
The writing is superb, highly enjoyable, takes reader in with ease. Style is quite in line with the 'rigid decadence and shining darkness' aesthetic of the Sovereign-driven imperium. Such good choice of words, both rigid and artistic, dark and warm, descriptions flowing with grace. That said, the only objection I have is: you seem to overuse the verb 'to grace'. It is welcome for a few times, but then it seems a little redundant, in some places even inappropriate (e.g. to denote the presence of grit in the voice, scars on the face, or terrifying war vehicles/devices in the city). I may be missing a creative choice, though – you may be overusing it on purpose to convey a certain message or picture (maybe that 'shining darkness' aesthetic that could connect grit, scars and war with grace?).
Protagonist is very intriguing and engages the reader – it incites hope that he could be the one seeing through the imperial eccentricities and irrelevancies of class divides. I am very interested what happens with him. Especially after reading the smart ending, „The Citadel was a familiar place, as it was to any member of the Sovereign Order. But the particulars of meetings within remained a mystery to even the most seasoned member. All one could do was step inside, and hope for the best.“
Overall, I cannot but give my highest appraisal of this chapter. Looking forward to read further.
| STAT chapter 7 . 6/19/2017
Loving this shit imo, because it feels like Executors might actually live on and hit 31 chapters. I kid, I kid. But in all seriousness, this is more or less the same, and yet different from the chapter it was adapted from. Gone is the sci-fi weaponry and settings, and now replaced with more fantasy and influence of the 1910s, 1920s, and even the early 1930s, which add a unique flavor to the setting and time-period of this world. I enjoy how pragmatic Asher is, how strong Fay is as a Sovereign, and just how much of a tank Graves is. That, and the introduction of future conflict via a skiff holding Templars, and just, ughhh, I could go on for hours about this. Nice work Osetto, 11/10, another great story that needs to be its own novel.
| Mr. Salt and Pepper chapter 3 . 5/24/2017
"Syrosk," he bluntly replied. "But you'll come to know me as Executor Zero."
Kids check their closets for the bogeyman, the bogeyman checks his closet for Syrosk.
"They weren't normal Sovereigns," Syrosk declared.
You gonna do Sovereign: No Lords, No Masters? :D
I didn't bother tagging in the review thread because I knew I would be ABSOLUTELY USELESS for a proper constructive review like the rules request. I'm not a constructive guy by nature. :(
Alright, the most obvious thing is this is straight out of Executors of Logistics, and since I LOVE that story, I LOVE this one. The problem is, that blinds me to any possible things that might be improved, because I'm basically just fangirling at this point.
The only thing I have is this. Where is this world in terms of technology? Synthetic clothing is a newer technology than WW2 I think, so that means they've got some serious technological advancements. Does magic assist machine, making this stuff possible? Or is this just the most modern fantasy story ever? :P
Everything being called a ministry brings me back to 1984. You have a gift for secretive bureaucratic governments, you should write a dystopian future sometime, even as a oneshot. :D
10/10 ~ Waiting for the cool stuff, till then, fangirling out.
| Mr. Salt and Pepper chapter 2 . 5/23/2017
Oh boy, a tasty Os story, too bad there's no Jresh. :P
I'm going to assume you're looking for constructive criticism and not just reaction, so I'll do my best to review everything I notice.
"And wherever Sovereign and Templar met, the very ground shook beneath the clash of their might."
I love this, the whole paragraph, there is a distinct feel of the reality of an invading army. Anyone trying to hide from the onslaught would definitely feel the battle being raged on the streets, and you captured that.
"A ring that was no ring, but a doorway."
That sounds like some stupidly powerful magic, a shame the Templars have nothing like that. I kind of wonder why the Federation was losing so badly BEFORE the portals, were they not expecting an attack like this? (I skimmed the prologue, if you explained this, apologies.)
The idea of a battle-fortress flying through magical power is foshing awesome, and I'm totally gonna steal that if I ever write a fantasy story. :P
"...typical gray mundanity that comprised most Imperial architecture."
Alright, this might be wrong, so ignore if needed. In all the stories I've read of yours, there is a side with colorful self-expression, and a side with boring military colors and precision, and the dull boring side is almost always the victor. You write it beautifully, but I think it's a trope you rely on in most of your stories. It isn't bad, it doesn't jar me from the story, just something I noticed.
"We freakin' won, man! We beat those Federy bastards!"
You totally stole this from Executors of Logistics, I can already tell Grave's will be my favorite character. One of these days, you're gonna introduce the badass without a barfight. :P
"Society breaks down when the lines between classes begin to blur."
I LOVE this. There's a special place in my heart for stories that really understand people in difference economic or power classes. It's obvious those that use magic would be superior, even nobility almost, compared to commoners. And this hints at something more. Superiors distance themselves from the peasants so the peasants can't see just how similar they are to each other. That sort of dangerous thinking is what causes revolts.
"and even so grand a structure could not escape the Imperial need for utilitarian designs."
Dangerous things happen when you mix style with politics with the military. I'm assuming the military has total control, otherwise a politician would have definitely complained about the housing arrangements by now. There's a reason politics and the military usually stay separated, I'm looking forward to see how you mix oil and water in future chapters.
I like this story, I can tell it's a fantasy version of the Old Republic, but I still REALLY like this story. The reference to it taking weeks to travel back instead of just using portals again intrigues me. So the creature that created the portals wasn't strong enough to do it twice or maintain it till the fight was over, so that's good to know. I'm guessing that magical ability faaaaaar exceeds Force ability, though that's just a guess. I still wonder about the Federation, no doubt you have plans for them, even under occupation.
Well, now I have to read the next chapter, wonderful story Os. :D