|Reviews for The Wishing Tree|
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 17 . 10/5
PLEASE DONT KILL THE DOG.
I somehow missed that Melissa was the one who broke it off.
| hanuman1702 chapter 3 . 10/3
Really enjoying it so far. I suggest that you an em dash when you're interrupting the story. Like at this part: But by then it was too late-
And then continue with the story. I hope that makes sense. :D
| hanuman1702 chapter 2 . 10/3
I adore your writing! You have such a unique style :D
Just a few things that I want to critique on:
1. I was confused about how the snake could reproduce. I thought it had been sterilised.
2. “In that town, there was snakes” — “was” to “were”
| hanuman1702 chapter 1 . 10/1
Helloo! I absolutely ADORE your writing! The buildup was very nicely done. At first, I was a bit concerned that there was a lot telling rather than showing. However, this changed over the chapter. You included wonderful descriptions and your writing style is unique.
Some sentence tweaks:
1. In the sentence, “…the sickly yellow sun is always smiling…”, I think you should change “is” to “was” since the rest of that paragraph is in past tense.
2. “If you were watching from above, it would look like waves” — I think you should change the second bit to something like “you would see waves”. Something about “it would look like” sounds jarring.
3. I’m not sure why “grandfather” needs to be capitalised in “There was the baby, the Grandfather…”
4. “…ripped out tangles of reddish black braid” — consider changing “braid” to “hair”
5. “The Wren complained…”, “…the Candy still on his shoulders”—I think you meant “Then Wren…” and “for the second, delete “the” :)
Sorry if I went a bit overboard with this.
| DeadPoolKnight chapter 16 . 9/21
Very creative with the wolf stuff.
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 16 . 9/20
Animals are hard to write! For the most part the wolf POV seemed good to me! But I would take out the part of "it has no claws etc, no wonder it's dead" since wolves don't use that kind of reasoning.
| clairisa23 chapter 8 . 9/14
I'm glad we've got to see The Tree again. I wonder whose coming to Candy's family for a visit. Her cousin seems very nervous I guess it's some important people. I like this chapter it kinda reminds me of the earlier one's where she loved to go outside. So Melissa is being nice that's a bit refreshing and I like the ending it fits with the mood at the end.
| clairisa23 chapter 7 . 9/14
This chapter is very short indeed. So Candy is being chased by the media. I guess Melissa decided on her own to publish something on Candy. I don't know why she dislikes Candy so much maybe she thinks she wasting her time. In this chapter you didn't indicate between the flashback and the present time.
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 15 . 9/14
I don't think you're terrible at dialogue. You're pretty good at conveying character's feelings and opinions with it.
This style is a bit different from previous chapters, but I like it. It's more straightforward I guess but it works.
| DeadPoolKnight chapter 15 . 9/14
great chapter again, they story just keeps getting bigger
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 14 . 9/8
[She checked the windows, only one was not intact.]
That should be a semicolon instead of a comma.
Please tell me you're not gonna kill the dog.T_T I'm nervous lol. You have a constant suspense going on that it always feels like someone might be about to die and so there can't be a dog without me being worried.
Julie says "hella!" Is she from California?
| DeadPoolKnight chapter 14 . 9/8
Good chapter, your story is getting good.
| clairisa23 chapter 6 . 9/6
This chapter is like a whirlwind to me if you don't keep up you mind get lost. That's because the technique you are using here are called stream of consciousness and third person point of view. Your in Candy's head but at the same time she's also telling the story but there's other characters as well but we see them through Candy. Maybe you should show us some emotion which she experiences when you flashback to the past instead of just telling us what is happening so we as readers can experience it with her. And can you write "off, of" in one sentence? It doesn't sound right. And lastly why is there so much hostility between the interviewer and Candy I'm starting to dislike her she doesn't show much empathy towards her. But so far it's a interesting chapter and different kind of storytelling.
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 13 . 9/1
[Melissa Warren starring as The Poor Unfortunate Soul.]
More Little Mermaid references, I see. Is this gonna be a recurring theme?
I'm glad you're having fun with this story and have been updating more lately. Hope you get some chances to write during school at least (just write in boring classes while pretending to take notes. :p)
Another short but sweet chapter.
| She Who Loves Pineapples II chapter 12 . 8/30
I must admit I didn't expect that about Hannah being Candy's grandma even though in hindsight it seems like I should have. And no I didn't think the part where the tree was talking was too long. It was actually really intriguing to realize the tree doesn't really have all the answers because I kind of did assume that at first. I also like how you tied the tree's speech into the interview theme.