|Reviews for Gucci Prison|
| Mislav chapter 1 . 5/16
Quite disturbing, sad and thought-provoking story. You captured the protagonist's thoughts, despair and self-loathing really well. I really felt sorry for him, despite the awful crimes he committed. Good job with the prison setting too. Prison really is Hell, and you can easily end up on the bottom, no matter how tough or feared you were on the outside. Spending 23 hours a day in a cell sounds absolutely terrifying. This part was especially poignant: "There were times when I felt dread, shame, impossible longing. Now all I feel is an aching hollowness, a cruel sense of respite for the outside world. I used to lie awake at night, drenched in sweat from the stifling heat and wish there was still a death penalty in this state. A short walk down a dim corridor, a gurney fitted with restraints, a slip of the syringe into the vein and it's goodbye world. Those dark impulses gradually changed to a begrudging acceptance and from then on I spent my nights in the dreamless sleep of the condemned." The last line really got to me. Keep up the great work. I really like reading your stories.
| Electrumwriter chapter 1 . 8/23/2017
I commend this piece for its unflinching acknowledgement of what is wrong with the whole concept of prison. Shove really dreadful characters into close confines with those they can overpower and what’ll happen…? Doesn’t take a detective to work it out. The whole mentality that inmates are below the law is absolutely wrong, but at least there are those in the US who acknowledge it.
That the narrator had wished for the death penalty is perhaps too poignant for comfort. What if an 18 year old boy were chucked into prison for a misdemeanour, was taken advantage of by men who were monsters and either died or committed suicide afterwards… would it have been less inhumane to have used the death penalty to begin with?
With Dre, perhaps explain more what it was about him that intimidated the other thugs so much? Whole gangs of them were afraid of him? Why?
| LittleAlchemist chapter 1 . 6/2/2017
Wow this was great! So as soon as I saw you were up next in the review game I was delighted because I've read your stuff before and knew this would be great, and you didn't disappoint! I think maybe the gay stuff was meant to be edgy, meant to creep the readers out a bit, but I love gay stuff so I just liked this even more! Mwahaha! So anyway, one of the things I loved was the tone. It stays the same, dark and sad. I have a good feel for your character and you don't seem to lose him anywhere. The dialogue is constant and keeps the same feel. I was very interested in your main character and with Dre and how you described their relationship. As well as their misdeeds. One thing I don't like... this will be hard, cause I'm not much of a cherry-picker and this looks perfect to me, but if I try to find something... I get this is a short piece but if it were longer I'd like to see more snippets of prison life and more characters aside from the two. So there's my thing. Great job on this!
| Sychronergy chapter 1 . 6/2/2017
Interesting little piece. To start? I think this is a most powerful voice. For some reason, I heard part of the piece almost like a rap song. Your words kind of *rings* in my head. Mm, I love every word :D This is one of those short, concise pieces that packs a whole ton of emotions, conflicts and anxieties. I like the shift in perspective - ten years is a long time and how the nameless protagonist (you know the voice is strong when you don't notice that the protagonist doesn't have a name until much, much later, heh) change his view of himself is - fascinating. Makes me think, this existential depression would certainly be amplified in a prison. The monotony, the rapes (I'm surprised you didn't mention the scents, heh) Certainly an inspiring piece!
The only nit I have is - lockdown twenty four out of twenty five hours of the day? The overall tone of your piece gives me the impression that it's set in modern world, our world (from the perspective of a black man/inmate) - if the 25 hour day is to demonstrate a lost of touch with reality, I feel like that aspect needs a bit more building up. :P