Reviews for Chasing Time 。
Goonipers chapter 5 . 7/7/2018
I didn't like Geoff at all saying d***ie and fat lesbian. Did he have to meet him? I would've preferred if he'd been portrayed differently.

I like your style, and your story apart from the odd bit like above. I like that Cody turned out to be a gay, with a Muslim friend. I think I need to read the next Cody chapter to make my mind up.
Goonipers chapter 4 . 7/7/2018
Jake seems kinda dangerous, the way you portray him. I'm glad you have him as not liking gay culture, and I hope he comes round. He's also a character of colour and I don't want him to be negative.
Goonipers chapter 2 . 7/7/2018
Poor Safiya.
Goonipers chapter 1 . 7/7/2018
Four hours his lips were pursed?! Four hours?! I can't do it for more than 10 seconds without laughing! Can you show how he's irritated instead of just writing '(p***y irritated)' next time? I also wanted to get the jist of Cody's note earlier.

I like how you describe the town while driving, and the fruitbats. Cody's note was a weird font in my browser. And I laughed that he took the TV with him.

Nice that you included Safiya with a white protag. Well done!
Imperious chapter 5 . 3/3/2018
Oh damn, you really get the sense of worry Travis has about the missing family member. At this point, we readers know a little bit more about Cody, so we know that Cody isn't dead. I'm not really sure where you're going with the shaved head bit, but I'm looking forward to where the story goes! I liked how you fleshed out every character, even the minor ones, giving us a good sense of the community, and how everyone reacts to each other.
Imperious chapter 4 . 3/3/2018
This chapter was intense. We get a very good idea of who Jake is, and our first insight as to why Cody ran away. I really don't like the hints of abuse (Jake tickling/poking Cody and Cody was not allowed to be annoyed; Cody was not allowed to do the same back.) and I find myself emotionally invested for Cody's well-being. Well done :) It was interesting that Cody was the first to approach Jake in the club given his previous descriptions of being shy. Guess alcohol performs wonders :P
Imperious chapter 3 . 3/3/2018
Oh no, I just realised I thought the main protagonist was a girl in my last review. Sorry about that. I liked the side detail of Travis trying to go out with a girl, which seemed irrelevant initially, but later contrasted beautifully with the knowledge that Cody is gay. Your descriptions are amazing, as usual, so I'll stop talking about them in future reviews. It was interesting seeing Safiya's way of connecting the dots, from the Cody she knew, to the Cody who ran away.
Imperious chapter 2 . 3/3/2018
Oh wow, the maths class was very relatable. I really enjoyed this chapter and I'm intrigued by Cody's secret. I liked Safiya as a character; again, your advantage is definitely in sculpting out the tiny details. One thing that could perhaps be changed is that this chapter is from Cody's point of view. It was a little strange that Cody would not tell us about this huge secret of his, even from the privacy of his mind. Perhaps the perspective could be changed to another person, or let us in on the secret! :D
Imperious chapter 1 . 3/3/2018
Whoa this was very interesting. I liked the description of the scene at the start as it really brings the reader into the story, makes the story real.

So far, I'm liking the mystery of the plot as well. It gives the main protagonist a goal, something to motivate her; and it allows us, the readers, to follow the story easily.
YasuRan chapter 4 . 12/5/2017
Wow, what a revelation. Jake comes off as incredibly manipulative, though from Cody's perspective, he seems like a lost, embittered soul who's so at odds with his sexuality that it's seriously messed him up. It really makes me feel for Cody, who comes across as so logical and understanding, yet still so naive, especially given his age.

I think you've done a great job with building this emotional connection with the reader and the narrators. As in, I really feel for Cody and now understand why he might've done what he did and that in turn makes me root for his safe return to his family.
YasuRan chapter 3 . 12/5/2017
Ah-ha, so my hunch concerning Cody's sexuality proved to be correct. It's an interesting twist that it was revealed this early in the story, but I think this would allow plot growth of another kind: how long had Cody been hiding it? What's Travis going to make of this revelation? And, most important, how will this lead to where and why Cody's disappearance.

A very interesting note to leave us readers on at the end. It's hinted that Travis would have been more accepting of Cody than the latter realized and that adds a layer of poignancy to the tragedy. I wonder how this plays out from Cody's perspective in upcoming chapters.
YasuRan chapter 2 . 12/4/2017
I really liked how you wrote Cody here. It felt very relatable for a teenager, especially with the way he keeps his secret to himself and let it eat him up from the inside, overwhelming him to the point where he's perceived as lazy and apathetic by the adults around him. That description of his parents questioning if he'd done his homework was something I could personally relate to while growing up.

It seems that you're hinting at the secret with these brief mentions of Jake and how it'd go against Safiya's beliefs. I do like that it's not completely revealed, so that we have more reason to continue on this journey to find out exactly what it is.
YasuRan chapter 1 . 12/4/2017
An interesting start, right in the middle of a mystery. Maybe it's the true crime fan in me, but I usually find unexplained disappearances an intriguing plot device in literature. That and the narrator being the disappearer's brother adds a personal layer to the mix, which makes me curious as to what might occur next.

The pacing felt nice and realistic. Travis' responses to his parents and hometown felt real, as if he was getting accustomized to familiar, though far from beloved, territory. The introductions of side characters - Safiya and Maddison - was also well placed and sets up their future appearances in the story appropriately.
LorrahBear chapter 1 . 7/2/2017
The story really gets stronger towards the end of the chapter. The beginning section, especially the first paragraph, feels overdone. Too you're trying to fight your own natural style. When you kick that away and really hit your stride, it's not only much more enjoyable, flow wise, but much clearer as well. Easier to visualize.

Your main character doesn't feel very likable, but he does get bonus points for coming home...I guess. His brother's gone missing!

The police in your story are ridiculous. An underage boy is a missing person, no matter if they leave a runaway note or not!

I hope you continue writing.
Electrumwriter chapter 1 . 6/3/2017
Your prose is very lucid and flows well and I think you get the mood of understated melancholy right.

At the start, I really like the way the red desert is likened to a Martian landscape. Cool. Quite a contrast with yellow beaches and green-blue water.

Travis certainly seems clear headed. His questions about Cody are all the right ones and it contrasts to the parents. It is revealing about his character, just like the fact that he did not want his dad to shoulder the entire costs of the second hand car.
I like the acknowledgement of the real world – that DVD rental is becoming obsolete. I suppose one way they could try to improve custom is to get rid of all the bureaucracy that was a part of renting video tapes in the era of video rental.

It is a good build up of mystery at the end. That terse note that does not appear to be in Cody’s style and the matter of Safiya. Are they clues or red herrings?
17 | Page 1 2 Next »