|Reviews for Done Like Dinner|
| CheddarBrat789 chapter 14 . 9/21
So now we have yet another opponent here, in the form of Dijon. As far as this one goes, I can't say I'm a fan of this character archetype, but you managed to write him in a way that didn't make him come off as annoying. And given his lust for revenge and his team-up with Honey at the end, I can only assume he's gonna be yet another villain. Speaking of the team-up, it's also interesting to see some more subplots start to emerge instead of just being one singular story from beginning to end.
I also really like how Jack and Rosemary seem to have some sort of relationship going on. Could they have had an affair at some point while they were alive? Could Sage and Colby possibly be siblings as a consequence? Seeing how you tend to gear your work more towards younger audiences, I doubt it would be quite that dark, but still.
The other things I liked about the previous chapters still hold up here, and I couldn't really find any complaints in this particular one. Once again, a fun read.
| josh1650 chapter 1 . 9/15
This review is For chapter 1.
I will start off with what a cool idea! I cook for a living, and i like fighting so this story had me interested from. I really liked the way the commentators talked it felt very real.
i Liked the attitude of the Colby, he just jumps to cooking when his uncle dad asks and seems to really enjoy cooking. Its also great that he his named after cheese :-)
I really like sungglepuss he reminds me of Yoruichi from bleach for some reason. I hope to find out more backstory about who he was before he was a cat, and how he got turned in to one.
Look forward to reading more when i get some time
| CheddarBrat789 chapter 12 . 9/8
I really like the direction this story is going, and it's nice to see some more continuity here, compared to the more episodic feel that I get from your other work. I also really like the idea of there being other talking animals besides Mr. Snugglepuss, and it's funny how almost nobody is fazed by this. I'm hoping to see a bit more of this world's lore in future chapters, specifically regarding the whole "people being turned into animals" thing.
For the food fight scenes, they're definitely an improvement over the one in the first chapter, in that there's more emphasis on action instead of outside commentary. It would be nice to see Colby try and enter an actual tournament at some point, but seeing how this is based on anime (a medium in which the plot typically moves rather slowly), I can understand the pacing. I also enjoyed seeing how he slowly grows stronger as he fights more and more people, learning a new tactic each time.
As for the characters we've seen since the first two chapters I reviewed, they're all memorable, and I hope to see more of them. My favorite would probably be Cane, because he has the best combination of backstory and personality. It was also neat to see him being raised by a gay couple. I've hardly ever seen a story on this site that included a gay couple and didn't feature smut, so kudos on that. My second favorite would most likely be Heath, because he actually seems to pose a threat to Colby. Honey kind of annoyed me, but that was most likely intentional.
As for complaints, I really don't have any. The writing mechanics were good, and I can't find any issues concerning the plot. So overall, good work!
(P.S. I would've returned the favor in a more timely fashion, but let's just say there were some personal things I had to take care of over the past week, and only today did I have the time to come back online. I truly apologize for the wait).
| God Speaking chapter 1 . 9/8
The plot is so creative, at first I was getting vibes from numerous cooking anime but you added unique twists to it to keep it interesting. I already like the characters, you have the stupid, overly-enthusiastic main character and a talking animal. Although i think the Uncle Dad wouldn't be playing a big role in future chapters, the brief interactions between him and Colby was refreshing; it's just so fun to see contrasting personalities interacting.
Also, I think opening the story up with an action sequence is a good idea. Although I think you should've emphasized on the action itself and not rely on the narrators' dialogue. I suppose this is still better than an exposition dump but still.
Overall, you've got a good thing going on here with tremendous potential and extensive room for character development. I think I'll read the next chapter.
| Mr. Raleigh D chapter 1 . 9/7
This story is extremely fun to read. Colby reminds me clearly of Chowder, the animated cartoon show from Cartoon Network (until it was sadly canceled in 2010 unfortunately). He's a boy who dreams of becoming a food-fighter, to which I can assume it's a food-style of boxing somewhat lol. Not only thatr, but this Uncle Dad, he seems like a washed up champion of the sport and a straight narccisitic asshat at best who cares about nothing but eating and watching TV. Clearly the characteristics of a former superstar who had fallen on hard times.
Not only that but this story is a CLEAR reminder of the movie REEL STEELE starring Hugh Jackman and some kid and it clearly shows here.
I'm guessing that the cat, Mr. Snugglepuss (LOL - just LOL) happened to be another champion I suspect who happened to be a legendary food-fighter or something. I don't know.
I don't have anything to complain about - at least not so far though.
I'm familiar (at least in part) of shonen though. Buuuuut, not as much. LOL. I may need to update my anime watching.
Anyway, great job on this first chapter.
| Dlombardi chapter 8 . 8/31
I couldn't envision the way Colby took the news of his father being murdered. He did seem heated, but then he shifted to an arrogant air which didn't make any sense to me. After years of not knowing what happened to your father, and to find out he was murdered? Shouldn't your blood boil? Shouldn't you be pent up with rage? I felt like he shouldn't have asked for a food fight, I felt like he should have just taken it. I know Colby isn't completely hot headed but, it's his father... to be exact, his father's murder; and the son of the man who did it was standing right in front of him!
Another note, a particular sentence read funny to me; now I'm paraphrasing: 'the sooner I can figure out why people didn't like him, the sooner I can figure out how he died.' I don't know, it just felt like Colby knew something he shouldn't have, like maybe you as the narrator slipped him a hint of why he may have died; because why would Colby assume/link his death to people not liking him?
Aside from some non-technical stuff, this was a good read. I liked how Colby was more open with his emotions in the very end, and how Sage helped to comfort him.
| Dlombardi chapter 7 . 8/23
Wow, I can definitely see how Honey could be annoying; not much of a snob fan myself. I like how you expressed her laugh the way you did; it really helped in picturing how irritating it was while reading it.
I noticed you stuck to active voice, and it played well in your favor; very clean edit. I didn't find any huge grammatical errors that popped out at me. I liked the brawl between the two girls and was really rooting for Sage to win. Maybe next time!
| Dlombardi chapter 6 . 8/10
I think the first line would work better as Sunday/day instead of Sundays/days (makes it seem like more than one day of the week)
That boy is obsessed with curry! And that cheese curry bread sounds good. Maybe wasn't such a good idea reading this on an empty stomach. I'm sure I said it last chapter too, just watch out for your passive voice and active voice switching; stick to one voice, preferably active. It reads smoother.
I like what you did with the 4th wall break towards the end (is that the right term?)
| Dlombardi chapter 5 . 8/5
Ah, a fight scene! I liked this one better than the first chapter's.
Nice chapter, a few tips:
My apologies for not pointing this out sooner, I was recently told this as well (my chapters were riddled with them). Switching between passive and active voice doesn't read well. A few isn't bad, but when there's too much it makes the writing seem unorganized. Example: "It was closed one Sunday afternoon" passive voice
Revise to: "It closed one Sunday afternoon." active voice.
If you edit around the word 'was' (implying passive voice) you'll notice the sentences read better and are more direct. Personally I was told to not overuse that word, but I never really understood why until my readers kept pointing it out. Like, (passive voice? the flip is that?) It forces you to tell a story rather than showing it, if that makes sense.
Other than that, nice chapter
Funny how we both have that awkward/hilarious bath scene :p
| Dlombardi chapter 4 . 7/26
That father reminds me of Bob Pataki from Hey Armold. He seems to himself and a bit brute, or harsh, rough around the edges, but inside he is able to be warm, but doesn't want anyone knowing like it's a weakness or something. I was hoping the ending had a cliffhanger of sorts, maybe that's just me waiting to see Colby developing his character too. Maybe this is just a side step chapter though (a chapter not really focused on the plot) and it's purpose was to show us how Colbys persona reacts to different scenarios.
| Dlombardi chapter 3 . 7/25
Ah, I see you've added line breaks! It really does help the reader breathe out, recompose, and settle into the next scene. Really served your story right. In a physical book, I'm sure you've seen centered dashes or centered symbols catering to the same idea.
I kinda chuckled when Colby said that... his father died... from eating incredible curry x.x
I kinda figured Sage was also bullied, but I wouldn't have guessed it was because of her weight. Also her mother's death was so sudden, felt bad for the girl. Interesting chapter nonetheless; I do agree with a previous review; they could call him something other than hobo. The feeling has washed out at this point. It only scarcely popped up here though, so that's good.
| Dlombardi chapter 2 . 7/24
The first thing that caught my eye was a sentence chop; in the first line 'To signify that the day was about to come to an end.' wouldn't be a stand alone sentence, you can add a comma before it, or even rephrase the whole sentence to "Today was nearing its end, the once blue sky fading into a soft lavender."
The boy got stamina, walking barefoot for four hrs straight; tales of endurance! This chapter was fast; I do like the idea of him crashing above a restaurant, but don't see any substance in the relationship between the family and their backstory. I thought once Colby was settled in, a little history would reveal itself. Maybe you'll get into that in the next chapter.
I don't think salt would sting mosquito bites, but the exchange was still humorous.
I notice you focus heavily on dialogue; there is a lot of characters to this chapter in particular, but don't forget your scene settings!
| Dlombardi chapter 1 . 7/22
I kinda figured this might be in the realm of anime given the two weren't fazed by a talking cat! Then I read the author note, confirming it was an inspiration.
One thing that stood out first with Colby was his dialect. He grew up to be a teenager, but he still talked as if he's a kid. I wanna say it's because he's so grounded at home, doesn't really interact with the world, has like this strict regiment, so he never really got the chance to develop mentally.
Describe the scenery: a good way to draw in your readers is to set the stage for them. I do like the fact that you included commentary, which did help with the action, but don't forget to create the world your characters are in.
I was actually expecting a longer first fight; a bit more action for fight one of your story. It's good that you noted trademark moves, but the fight was over before it began. If you had an intention to revise this, I would add more depth.
I like how the names of characters are food related Good start
| Kanisha the great chapter 3 . 7/20
I'm really like sage and Colby, the cat is good, and the chapter is great
| Kanisha the great chapter 2 . 7/20
Alright, here's something,father that act all mainly with no emotions, yeah not a fan of those. The sons i'm not a fan of either.
The daughter, I'm kind of liking.
Will and the cat are my favorite characters.
It's okay, but the way the father was treating will, didn't really make me want to read this more.
But, I get why you put in her, not everybody is kind and soft.
But, the 'hobo' thing is getting old, real fast