|Reviews for The Unfamiliar Familiar: The Grimstone Quest|
| Anonymous chapter 1 . 8/10/2017
What is this? Do you have commitment issues? I know so many more writers who upload fucking daily what are you some twelve year old who spends half their time watching secret porn? Get your shit together this ain't even good
| Aisha Hayat chapter 1 . 7/11/2017
Great story legit this has the same setup as but still super cool and what about your other account? Write some Fairy Tail fanfic please!
| MattMatterMattest chapter 1 . 7/2/2017
I agree with LorrahBear's review. In addition, be sure to include some events in which Lydia demonstrates the qualities you describe. Maybe have her interact with teachers or bullies in a way that shows her switching personalities, and then show "a bad thing happening to them" like you describe.
On the plus side, you've done a great job building empathy with Lydia. Definitely try to show what goes on at this school (if that's what it is), how the teachers act, why Lydia was sent there in the first place, etc. Maybe you're already working on all that. I guess I'll see whenever you add more. :)
Keep at it!
| LorrahBear chapter 1 . 7/2/2017
There is a small typo in the synopsis (an extra space and comma sequence) that you may want to correct.
The sudden transition in the end of the third paragraph to the fourth paragraph where you suddenly directly address the reader, as well as switch styles of description in the chapter is jarring. You should also spell out the word "twelve".;
This has the potential to be really solid. Keep working and proofreading; best of luck!