|Reviews for Horizon|
| Chronic Guardian chapter 1 . 8/2/2017
Eevee taking on the crazy world of abstract poetry? Count me excited!
Okay, so... you're use of truncated grammar (e.g. "Clouds dance the sky") gives both a primal "beneath the modern" and new age "beyond the constructed" feel. Nice job touching both ends of the spectrum with one stroke!
This first stanza seems to be about putting meaning over a blank slate. However, your use of terms like "vapor" and "chalk" seem to imply that the "array", the construction, will be wiped away before long. Interesting little turn there, especially since you're using natural elements to symbolize human construction. Kind of like a "as written in nature, so is written in us" sort of message. Am I right?
The following stanza's all seem to build on that division of the superficial control that never truly reaches into the true blue of the vast natural sky. The mighty oversoul against the desperate individual floundering for agency.
Of course, I'm not the best at deciphering poetry, so maybe I should leave this alone...
If nothing else, it's nice and thought provoking, and that's what poetry is supposed to be, right? Good job on getting something original out there. Keep it up kid, you're almost done.
| Aviantei chapter 1 . 7/13/2017
Look at that, Eevee! I made it to the poem. Huzzah!
I do like the images and the chalkboard metaphor in this one. You build a slow steady rhythm that flows together nicely.
My biggest suggestion is that you don't need to have punctuation at the end of each line-line breaks in poetry already imply a sense of pause to them. At the least, you I'd say the rhythm you're trying to establish would stay in tact without the ellipses. The add a fading quality to the lines that I don't think you quite need.
Overall, thanks for the look at your poetry. I don't write original poetry much either, but it's nice to dabble in once in a while.
And I will see you when you post the next shot! Til then,