|Reviews for Untitled|
| LorrahBear chapter 1 . 7/13/2017
This could be a solid story. I wish I had more of an impression of your main character (the boy). With what you've given me so far, he seems remarkably unlikable, and also a poor packer.
My biggest suggestion would be to ensure that your paragraphs and sentence flows are situated so that they have focus. Don't follow up a mention of subject a with a description of subject b without first letting the reader know we are switching subjects.
I hope you continue to write.