|Reviews for A Warrior for Greece|
| MattMatterMattest chapter 1 . 7/21/2017
I have a few suggestions for grammar corrections. In the first paragraph, you could rearrange the third and fourth sentences in the following way: "I was walking in the woods, the trees forming a canopy around me. Suddenly, it started raining." I recommend this to make the ideas match better, since your current sentences make it seem like the ideas "trees forming a canopy" and "started raining" have some special significance together.
In the first paragraph, fifth sentence, I recommend rewriting this sentence as "At first it was a gentle pitter-patter, but soon it turned into an incessant, deafening rainstorm." As the sentence currently written, its grammar seems to indicate that 'pitter patter' is the thing that turns into a deafening rainstorm, and not the rain. This way, the sentence more clearly demonstrates the early gentleness of the rain, and more clearly contrasts it with the storm that it turns into.
In the second paragraph, second sentence, I recommend changing "as if" to "like". I would also recommend, in the fifth sentence, adding a comma after "almighty". As the sentence is currently written, someone could read the sentence and think that the boat was sent both by the "almighty" and "that". The comma makes the sentence more clearly communicate that the almighty sent the boat and that the almighty wants the character to return, and prevents the reader from stumbling over these ideas as they read.
That's all the editing I would recommend for this story for now. I only recommended grammatical changes though, I haven't thought about what could be added to the content of the story. If you have any questions about the changes I suggested, please let me know. :)
| Luna Abbot chapter 1 . 7/21/2017
A little bit hard to read in some places, but still the end was good!
It's an okay flash fiction. :)