Reviews for A Raven and an Eagle – A Forbidden High School Romance
Marina x Machina chapter 18 . 11/11/2017
Yeah that's a pretty chilling experience.
I'd side with Daniel in this case. I mean, not everyone knows how to forage for berries and eat stinging nettles, but I imagine I'm preaching to the converted. Either way...hope Sam will be okay.
Marina x Machina chapter 17 . 11/5/2017
Appreciate how Dan respects Sam's food choices.

Stuff that feels a little awkward:
"Exotic" is kind of my least favorite word. Usually it denotes a very superficial attraction with not the same emotional depth as the relationship that Dan and Sam have - he clearly likes her as an entire person and doesn't relegate her to a sexual fantasy. You can try "esoteric," or "old soul," or "nonconformist," or "maverick" as replacements if you prefer.
"Friend zone" is a term whose nature has changed over time and can occasionally be a little uncomfortable, just like "red pill, blue pill" because of reddit. In the past it may have meant "not comfortable with romantic relations, so maybe we can stay how we are as good friends" but nowadays it has come to be associated with "a special kind of limbo where you can't have sex with the girl you feel entitled to." Therefore I caution the use of it. Not to say that Jorg's feelings are bad as it seems like he genuinely likes her and isn't trying to guilt trip her into dating him and I don't think he thinks he's entitled to her. It's just that the term has come to grow a stigma you may want to know about.

Overall, though, I do like the small details - Daya's henna hair dye, the aloe vera, the agave syrup, sleeping on the couch. I really appreciate the small stuff and how it contributes, and how Sam and Dan are indeed very compatible and functional. Good stuff.
Marina x Machina chapter 16 . 11/5/2017
Thanks, Sadie.
Wow. Um.
Good detail on Amy being released under supervision from the hospital. Was a little worried that'd be a plothole but no need to.
Yeah, Amy needs to get her shit together and maybe not lash out at other people. Hope Sam will be okay.
Also I guess I should've known Evanescence would show up eventually. What next, My Chemical Romance?
Marina x Machina chapter 15 . 11/5/2017
Aw, the part with Trey was cute.
Black roses from Turkey? Dan, what the heck?

Main complaint would be that the description of Sam's dress is a little male gaze-y. You could also say it's "form-fitting" or or that it "accentuates curves" if you prefer.

Other than that, cute chapter. And yes, spot-on goth references and of course there was Lord Byron because of course this is a romantic story why not.
Marina x Machina chapter 14 . 11/5/2017
Well. That was. Um.

...My favorite part was Dan looking forward to being a soccer mom. Like yes, please. Can we get more of that?
Marina x Machina chapter 13 . 11/5/2017
This chapter was also packed with a lot of depth. Oof!
I really like the characterization of Amy and how, instead of a plothole-filled scene with just the two of them and no authority figures, there are actually supervising adults and people recognize that Amy needs serious medical attention and a different kind of help. Appreciate the heck out of that. You really do feel bad for Amy, but you don't feel like she's a cookie cutter character - I especially the parts where she finally worked out the courage to dump her ex and has grown to rely on Dan. You know she's not the one, but she has some other parts to her that could work if she fixed some things up.
I also really love Dan's speech where he says he will go with her, but only out of support as a friend, because this is his way of caring. It's just perfect. Especially where he realizes she does need to put herself back together and move on. Normally the solution in stories is just "lol fuck u bitch" and the fact that Amy is treated with such respect makes me happy.
And of course, unexpected ending but very heartwarming.
Marina x Machina chapter 12 . 11/5/2017
Sadie's backstory could be incorporated a little more smoothly, but I really liked the inclusion of it, especially given the relevance. Maybe you could have Sadie just respond and seem to give up on the topic too quickly, and in later chapters act secretive or show up late to school because she walked instead of riding with her mother, or have her be stressed out because she's worried about her mother, or have someone ask her about her scarf and why she always wears one in hot weather and have her get defensive, up until she reveals it. But overall I am glad to see some representation and kudos for deciding to include it.

I also appreciate that both Sam and Dan (instead of just Dan) told Ned to shut up, this way they feel more like team Sam and Dan more so than Dan and his girlfriend. While it's kind of depressing, it also feels more realistic that Amy is acting suicidal and truly adds depth to show she's not just a vapid cheerleader bitch, she might actually have real life issues and reasons for being a bad partner.

Minor gripe: Though I liked Sam and Dan acting in unison to yell at Ned, Dan later thinks "Now, the battle is over. Dan is her boyfriend now." It makes sense for Dan to feel like he has to compete with Ned, but overall, he should know that Sam isn't really something you win.

I did, however, like when said "Your wings are showing again." Wonder if this is referring to Sam coming out of her shell and calling out Ned righteously and demonstrating the ability to stand up for herself despite being more introverted.
Marina x Machina chapter 11 . 11/5/2017
This was cute.
I'd feel weird about the nose ring personally but I like how Dan just unquestioningly takes it like "Sweet! A token from the fair damsel!" Speaks volumes about how he genuinely doesn't have any inner prejudices or judgmental preconceptions about Sam.
I also liked the talk about Dan being popular, but not necessarily feeling comfortable with getting intimate, and how there's no slut-shaming but the fact they're on the same level makes it easier for them to connect. Well done.
Marina x Machina chapter 10 . 11/5/2017
I appreciate how you added some characterization and complexity to Dan's relationship with Amy. Most authors would just leave it at "jock cheerleader who's a twofaced bitch lol" but I like how you described Amy's situation and the guilt of feeling like he should be the guy to change her fortune around and the disconnect in their interests.
Rebecca Lee chapter 1 . 10/7/2017
Hi Ghodges,
You have a very smooth style of writing. The flow works well, it's believable, and it holds interest. If you are interested, we'd love to work with you. We offer a variety of services ranging from publishing assistance to developmental and line editing. (First 1000 words are free for an editing sample)
If you are interested now, or later on (I know you say you are posting throughout the year) down the road, I hope you will consider us.
Marina x Machina chapter 9 . 9/13/2017
Lol. I still have my first crush's only gift to me...a pencil. Also my corsage is in the freezer, if Mom hasn't thrown it own. Shhh, keep that last part on the down low.

If I were to complain about anything (and really there's not much to comment about, since Sam and Dan demonstrate a very functional and rational relationship) it would be when Sam said "I shouldn't be encouraging you too much." Not that I wouldn't picture her saying it due to her personality, but Sam hasn't really done anything that could be taken as teasing/baiting Dan, plus she shouldn't be blaming and reprimanding herself for declining sex. Other than that, good job.

-Marina.
MoodyQueen chapter 1 . 9/6/2017
This is one of the first Goth and Jock story that has good grammar and an interesting plot. Does this story actually takes place in 2006? If so, that is cool.
Marina x Machina chapter 8 . 8/27/2017
It's nice that Dan is cool with Sam wearing whatever.
It's good that in this case, Sam's Mom did talk to her and knows she does like Dan, though in other cases it might not be too good for her Mom to butt in and say "Yes, she's coming! She's just pretending to say no." My best friend was just recently caught in that same exact situation which just made for a unhealthy relationship.
On an unrelated topic, I wonder if Billy Joel's kid ever sang the chorus to "My Life" back at him whenever they got in trouble. There's even a line in Alexa Ray Joel's song "Notice Me" (which has a cute Nozaki-Kun AMV of it) where she sings "Make my dad wanna ground me, honey!"
Imagine running for your life from an angry dad Billy Joel cause his daughter is your girlfriend. And then the next day as the police questions him because your house burned down he keeps on replying "We didn't start the fire~!"
Okay enough dumb random thought about Billy Joel.
Good luck.
Marina x Machina chapter 7 . 8/19/2017
Ur verse is real tight bro.
Marina x Machina chapter 6 . 8/13/2017
I kind of like Daya, though maybe that's caused I'm a fan of the song Backbeat.
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