|Reviews for Tales from The Colony|
| lrhaboggle chapter 2 . 7/17
Good start to the story! I really liked all of your characters. Even though the story started right in the heart of the action, I could feel the chemistry between the three girls. And Marana is quite the little badass, isn't she? I love the old, "Cute character who can break five necks in a second while still being cute" trope. Good setup to the overall world as well, I can already see what the world is like from this one little chapter. I must say that it's far darker than my own future world, LOL. Good job!
| HuiLang chapter 2 . 8/12/2017
Chapters 1 through 5 here take a much darker turn from the satirical brochure in the previous chapter.
Basically, four prostitutes from a reputable place are captured by slavers who will be turned into prostitutes / sex slaves for someone else.
I think this would have been a more enjoyable piece if there was some of that Starship Troopers / Running Man humor injected into these chapters.
For characterization, I think you were fine with all of them except Dak. He didn't come across as believable. He's a slaver. He trades in flesh for profit. I find it hard to believe that he possessed some sense of "band of brothers honor" with his fallen teammates and desires to take it out on the prize. On top of that, Dak's cost Richard money before and he still lives. Given how this is like a Mad Max world, I'm surprised someone like Dak was alive in this scene. If Richard and Dak were to fight, it would be more convincing Dak is in a trial of position to take Richard's job so he can claim the bonus.
The plot is fine with this story-a journey plot given the brevity of the story and pacing was decent too as you had some build up between the prostitutes, they're attacked, and the slavers get murdered in turn.
Marana comes across as a whole River Tam from Serenity since she's young, agile, and utterly vicious.
However, Deloris should realize that Marana isn't a ticket for security with Harlen, but a ticket to get out of the prostitute business to begin with. I know if I had a bad ass like Marana on my team, I've quit my occupation and strike it out somewhere I wouldn't have to whore myself out for someone else's profit.
Overall, nice story, fix the grammar issues and rework Dak. I would strongly suggest to interject more of the dystopian atmosphere from the brochure into the story.
Keep up the good work!
| HuiLang chapter 1 . 8/12/2017
Chapter 1 is a complete satire and nod to Starship Troopers, Escape from L.A., and Death Race (2008 version).
There's grammar issues with this story, but I don't review for grammar. Suffice it to say, you should go back through your entire story and pay attention to your contractions especially.
Chapter 1 reads like a prologue, it sets a scene and provides us a little bit backstory about what has happened to the U.S. pretty much turned into a dystopian Mad Max world; however, people can watch what goes on through pay-per-view or other media. Unfortunately, we don't see any direct interaction in the later chapters as this would have been an amusing dynamic to see such as the slavers getting murdered while there are floating cameras all about or a hologram of an obnoxious TV personality (like the reporter from the original 1970's Death Race) wants to conduct a live interview with the prostitutes. Or a break to commercials in between scenes.
| moontattoo chapter 2 . 7/30/2017
This is such an original idea, I love it. I love your style of writing, it feels very natural and engaging, I found the scenes with Deloris, Sasha and Marana especially good and loved the contrasting personalities. Keep up the great work!