Wow. I love this so far. Your writing is superb and I'm intrigued by what will happen next. Memory loss is not easily handled but you're doing a great job so far. TY for reading my lowly one shot so that I happened onto your profile. I really enjoy this and am bookmarking it! More soon?!

This sounds very promising. The story is structured in a coherent way, and the doctor sounds like he actually is informed and not just reading out Wikipedia facts.

Good luck!

-Marina.

Like another reviewer, I enjoy the premise. There's a lot of potential here and I can't wait to see where you go with this. I noticed a few past to present tense switches that made it a bit confusing, but it didn't completely draw me out of the story.

The story itself is intriguing, and I like Jaylen's character. I won't judge Cinelli's character quite yet as we've only seen one side, but there seems like a lot of potential for her part. My favorite section is definitely the beginning portion, I find the sentences to flow together extremely well and creates a very good hook for the reader. The dialogue was also well written! Overall, I'm interested in what you'll bring to the table with future chapters. Keep it up!

Not a bad start. To be honest, I'm more interested in seeing how Jaylen will recover from his amnesia, rather than fixing his relationship with Cinelli. And I'm not sure if I like her, I found her kind of annoying. Probably, because she was drunk, so her personality may be different in the later chapters. I do like how you kept the narration from Jaylen's POV interesting to read. You really get a feel for his character, unlike some stories. Aside from Cinelli, I don't have any complains and I found this written better than your other story. Nice work.

I really like the idea/premise for this story, and as far as this intro goes, it did not disappoint. You do a very good job establishing your main character's voice, and providing detailed descriptions of the people and environments without going overboard. I'm interested in seeing how the interaction between Jaylen and his supposed girlfriend goes!

If there's one problem I find with this, though, it's the fact that you tend to randomly fluctuate between past and present tense - sometimes even in mid-sentence. As far as examples go, there are too many to count, but one major one involves the first two micro-paragraphs, which are written in present tense, but then the intro switches to past tense right afterwards. I'd suggest choosing one tense and sticking with it.

Aside from that, this is some solid work, and I encourage you to continue with it! I hope this review was helpful!