|Reviews for A Hint of Magic|
| LDF chapter 1 . 9/9
I'll be a bit blunt: the story needs some work. The good thing though is that it's an easy fix. I'll show what's the most major bits.
[However, today, he came late to class with a dead look in his eyes, like he hadn't slept in days and spent most of that time crying. If anyone else noticed it, they didn't say anything, because they continued to ask him questions as usual and bother him about his homework.
High school students can be utterly savage. I shrugged, none of my business really, too much energy to ask about anyway.]
Yes, there are students that are this callous, but not the majority. If it's gotten to the point where Benji is openly crying and looks like shit, /someone/ would say something. A simple 'are you okay?' and not this weird lets-ignore-it-and-take-advantage-of-his-niceness. I agree that there are people like this, but they shouldn't make up 99.9 percent of the population. Especially the narrator. She comes off as really condescending and judgmental.
[I kept an eye on him during the period and wondered if he was even paying attention. I made sure my pencil took extra notes for him by casting a little "extra detail" spell on it. It wasn't any more work for me, so I figured I might as well.]
Why doesn't she just talk to him? Seriously, all of this just makes her come off as worse and worse.
[I pulled my wand out from under my shirt (we weren't supposed to have it on school premises) and quickly made magical copies of us. After telling me which class he was supposed to go to, I also made self-writing pencils for the copies and sent them ahead to class for us.]
What are the limits to magic? This sounds like it should be a lot harder than it is, because I can totally see everyone abusing it to skip classes. Are they sentient? Are these copies able to talk? What is this?
Really, this is just contrived. Just don't go to class. It shows that Molly is serious about his issues and she's willing to hear him out, and they could just go to the office and explain that Benji's been under the weather hence their absence. It doesn't need to be this complicated.