|Reviews for Sovereign: Beasts|
| Kam I Am chapter 7 . 4/30
Lot of great characterization to open up this chapter. Edith's full perspective on life comes into view here and it makes all that comes before all the more relatable. The same comes a little later on with Brenda, though like with her magic prowess it's only briefly touched on, with a follow-up to come later on I bet.
"I've the power the slay beasts..." , think the second "the" needs to be a to!
"Oh, I'm sure I'm sure", unless I'm misinterpreting something here, I think there should only be one "I'm sure" here.
Fun interactions as always, I hope this little band sticks together, Tavon seems like a good enough dude. Hopefully we get some resolution on his brother's condition at some point, not much time has passed but I'm pretty sure that dude has been knocked out for like three chapters now :p.
I was happy to see this was the end of part one too, a briefer arc than the ones seen in Ascension, but I think that's fitting given the material. The pace can still feel a little more subdued than one would traditionally expect, but it's your thing, and it works for the most part. There's promise for greater adventures to come, and I'm excited to see them :).
| Kam I Am chapter 6 . 4/30
With all the prologuing and characters introductions and beasties prior this chapter definitely felt like a fitting resolution, lot of good payoff. Tavis' condition continues to be a concern, and Tavon's anxiety over the whole thing makes him a pretty compelling character to follow.
Murtagh and Ewan seemingly only turned out to be a couple of lackeys, but I guess that kind of behavior is understandable in the line of work that they're in. I fully expect them to make a return at some point, if for no other reason than to be a thorn in the side of the duo. Brenda continues to be a standout, I like that we followed the story through Edith's eyes at first as a lot of the stuff Brenda is doing wouldn't be as impressive if we were aware of it from the beginning.
The bit on the Imperial were interesting, a lot of nice world-building and lore pieces snugging into place. While not a lot of forward progress was actually made this chapter was great for investing in the storyline, fingers crossed Tavis turns out alright.
| Kam I Am chapter 5 . 4/30
This chapter got into the action quick. There was definitely a sigh of relief when it was revealed nothing bad had happened to Edith and Tavis in the meantime. The hints at magic before he passed out were curious, there was definitely a not so subtle hint with Brenda about that in the previous chapter, and then here again too.
Murtagh and his partner are definitely rough around the edges, they've seemingly had to deal with a rougher hand in life. The whole werewolf thing was a valid point, even if it's clearly not what will happen in Tavis' case.
And yup, there's the magic reveal with Brenda, I'm sure it wasn't meant to be too big of a surprise, but it's nice I caught on to that early :p. The limits of magic established things pretty well, glad Brenda mentions using it more as a simple aid than a god-like Super Saiyan power. That line about magic turning people into monsters vs their line of work doing the same was also really nice. After being in the thick of a fight it was neat to get some perspective on how the world at large views their work.
I liked the piece of dialogue we ended on here with Edith and Brenda, once again reaffirming their dynamic and ending us with the potential of a conflict to propel the reader to the next chapter. I didn't necessarily mind the final paragraph, but I thought it could have done just as well without it, maybe just reducing it to the last few lines.
A description of the field post-battle was nice, but considering how recently everything just happened it felt kind of redundant.
| Kam I Am chapter 4 . 4/30
I don't always like when a chapter opens up with a bulk of description but this opening section here was perfect. You laid out the winged beast's power beautifully, felt like an epic intro to a video game boss fight.
Despite the complaints about his name, I liked how logical you established Murtagh as being, he quickly set himself apart as one of the more experienced of the group and that plays off well with Edith's pluckiness. Annnnnd speaking of being plucky, of course she would find a way to sneak away and attack the beast her self xD. Not necessarily for the best either.
It's Brenda who shines through the most here though. The situation with Tavis was pretty dire, her resolve kept the other character's strong, Edith and Tavon read practically like kids compared to her. I like how her and Murtagh are effectively the parents of the group, even with their own set of issues.
Another nice little cliffhanger for this chapter, here's hoping this one doesn't end up as life-threatening as the last.
| Kam I Am chapter 3 . 4/30
The intro was solid, a relatively slow lead-in, but it was a nice way of catching up after so long away. Once we got into the adventurer's actual task and all the interactions that followed I was pretty much sucked in. The chatter between all of them, Edith and Tavon's running around doing cart wheels and climbing trees xD, it was fun stuff, and an endearing way to introduce most of the group.
The shift between those four and Ewan and Murtagh built up a nice wedge between them, showing the different characterizations. As an aside, this isn't necessarily a criticism but I can't help but feel like Murtagh's a bit of an overused name for a fantasy-type story like this. The other names in the story are all relatively more common but in a more mundane style that you've already established with 'Brenda' and 'Edith', which makes 'Murtagh' stand out a bit more. From the other stories I've read I generally like the character's names you choose, but here I can't help but think of Outlander or those Eragon books when I read his :p. I know it's not an inherently fantasy-related name, but it is fairly uncommon in the real world, and with its presence in other similar stories it does kind of feel like it'd draw unwanted comparisons... All that for a character I'm unsure will be around all that much longer to begin with :p.
Brenda's speech at the end served as a nice breaking point, one that proved her experience and establishes her dynamic with Edith nicely.
A dynamic that's put to the test fairly quickly, I liked the little analysis they did of the building and trying to figure out what the beast was. By that last line it seems their prediction was spot-on.
| Way of the Void chapter 1 . 4/6
Tag! Wow. Gotta say I'm hooked from the start, you wield words like weapons. In one chapter you've laid out a wonderful mix of important info going forward, excitement to catch the reader's attention, and unanswered questions to keep them clicking for the next chapter. Looking forward to seeing more of these beasts and Fergal's fate, as well as more of the setting's political setup and magic system. Great work.
| lirianstar chapter 1 . 3/26
I really like the story's concept!
The writing style, the descriptions are all tasteful too.
Will be following this!
| Kam I Am chapter 2 . 1/15
Alright, let's jump into Beasts proper.
Heh, choosing partners, huh? This reminds me a lot of those opening chapters of Ascension with Halsten and Lorrik :p. Reading on the comparison runs all the truer, Edith's determination mirrors Lorrik's only pluckiness pretty well. These aren't their female stand-ins are they :p? Nah, Brenda's definitely got a sense of humor about herself, a little more than Halsten's ultra stoic sort of attitude at least - all this based off what I remember from part one, anyways :p.
"Kind of hard to do when no one's willing to give you a chance." Beasthunting/this mercenary stuff sure sounds like finding a real life entry-level job :p.
You'll notice that I don't have as many random bits to comment on as I usually do. I'd say that has more to do with this chapter's sense of flow than anything else. I felt compelled to read on, not that I don't usually, it's just this one had me pulling through until the end. Considering that this chapter amounted to a stroll in the city and a chat I'd say that's more a testament to your writing than anything else. I generally enjoy the prose, but this one had a real driving force behind it. At first I thought that was because of the shorter sentences that break things up, but I know those have always been present, so I don't really think it's that. There was just something really 'good' about this chapter that I can't put my finger on, it was a great opening without much of consequence necessarily happening. It's been awhile since I've read the prologue, but I almost wonder if it was really necessary? Beyond setting up the general threat of monsters out there I don't know if it'll be relevant again in the future. This chapter can more than carry the burden of being the stories introduction, since it is anyways ;p.
All that to say, I really like the chapter. Edith and Brenda have an entertaining if somewhat similar dynamic.
Btw, thanks for using 'buttresses' in a sentence and reminding me that it's a funny sounding word :p.
| Kam I Am chapter 1 . 10/17/2017
I seem determined to read the rest of the Sovereign works before returning to Ascension :p. This one's different than your other stuff, real different. I liked it. We're not in an academy or a courthouse this time, in fact we're in a different nation altogether. A world's being crafted here, like the preface notes up above, and I'm happy to see it being fleshed out.
As far as prologue's go, I thought this one was a lot different in structure to the other one's, and it's a welcome change. I liked that the world-building, scene-setting paragraphs at the beginning were brief, it laid out the foundation of Gheran, and contrasting it with the other more orderly nations was the best way to describe it in an effective manner.
Everything past that was to the point, simple, but in a good way. A city's being attacked, a wife and son, monsters, cool stuff. In the wrong hands this could be boring, but the strength of the descriptions kept things engaging throughout. The monster's descriptions at the end in particular really got me going.
The dialogue was brief, but effective. So much so that I wish we got more of it, considering this is a prologue I'm unaware of these characters are going to be relevant again at all, or maybe dead, their chances of survival don't seem very high to begin with :p. Guess we'll just have to find out.
I'm not sure if I'm understanding this sentence correctly "a devastation attack far surpassing any bombard.". Should devastation be devastating? Maybe bombard should be bombardment as well? I don't know, I just tripped over it as I was going along.
| Matheos86 chapter 1 . 9/18/2017
This is definitely different than the rest of the Sovereign stories. Though it's short and I don't have many impressions, it is intriguing. It somewhat reminds me of the beasts of Dxun/Onderon but I'm interested to see how these creatures are devised and how they function in the Sovereign world and storyline.
| ToasterDanceParty chapter 1 . 9/12/2017
Great start! I can't wait to see more of the two Guardsmen!