|Reviews for The New Kingdom|
| kittysgomeow chapter 6 . 10/25/2017
I really like what you did with the prologue and the story is progressing well. I am still pretty confused about how you are changing between perspectives, and some of the dialogue seems a little forced. I hope you can write more because I am starting to get hooked :)
| kittysgomeow chapter 1 . 9/27/2017
The introduction is very short I would probably expand it some more.
The formatting is also confusing you go from old English to regular English.
I would most likely describe the ridicules journey that took you through the wings of the castle and highlight the injustice of being a girl.
In the second chapter you say that there are girls in the ares cabin wouldn't the main character have tried out (and possibly failed) in that cabin? If the girls in the ares cabin have been claimed then you should say so.
you can't switch perspectives of a character every few pages, unless you switch every chapter of two and put the name of the character doing that part of the story by the title.
Other wise I really like it please keep working on it :)
| LilleeStateham01 chapter 1 . 9/22/2017
Please leave a review and tell me if I need to make any changes