|Reviews for Red Dawn|
| dmasterxd chapter 28 . 10/24/2018
It's been a while but glad to finally get back on this story. :) Seems like Taiki is going to have a bigger role in this arc so that's great. I absolutely his interactions with Tomoyo, they are so great, haha. Plus more Harumi too so double yay!
But Yuki's inner demon thing is still really worrying. And it seems like it only gets worse and worse by the chapter. Good chapter! Looking forward to seeing what happens next.
| Zeroalphamus chapter 4 . 9/26/2018
Anton seems like a cutie. So what if he's a ghost?
Though, the hair trigger enmity between Yuki and Asuka seems way too strong. Well, I guess that is to be seen as I catch up...
| Zeroalphamus chapter 3 . 9/26/2018
The teenager-angst is cute I have to admit. Asuka seems like a tough cookie, but she's still super innocent! Who are the Naotoris? And why would the govt come for them?
| Zeroalphamus chapter 2 . 9/26/2018
Okay, even though I saw it coming...freaky ending.
So, Asuka can see ghosts now? I think things will be heating up. Liked the intro to the family dynamics, tsuge sounds like a horror, and this Honda must be something especial.
Yuki seems like a delight; I ship the frenemy thing a LOT.
Lets see what happens next!
| Shang chapter 4 . 9/18/2018
Hmm... I know they weren't friendly from the offset, but the interaction between Asuka and Yuki at the end felt like an extreme shift for the worse. But than, lovers spat is a common thing, I hear :P
A pretty disturbing scene at the end; wonder what exactly that was all about.
By the way - wasn't Anton Volkov a name of Iron Man villain? ; If so, I wonder if there's a connection or if someone will at least point that out :D
A piece of advice: I was told that it's a stylistic mistake to have more than one person speak in the same paragraph. I used to write like that too, but I can see this could be confusing. Perhaps it's worth to watch out for that?
So far: neat story.
| Shang chapter 3 . 9/14/2018
Bah; everyone knows Asuka and Yuki are gonna end up together anyway, so why does the redhead bother to fight this? :P Evidentally she has no experience with romance stories :D
Plus, once she's rich, she can just pay Harumi off and everything is fine :D
The cafeteria mix-up caught me a bit by surprise; you could've turned it into a more "full-fledged" comedy scene, but it was fun none the less. Overall a fun chapter, though I still wonder what significance does the chained boy has... I mean his actual existance rarely comes up to the point I tend to forget he's there, but apparently he is. Curious ;)
| Nerissa-McC chapter 47 . 9/13/2018
Ow, ow, ow! :'( Poor Yuki, with those awful voices taunting him! And yikes, is that cloaked figure going to help him or is it another threat? And poor Asuka, meeting Sakura only to lose her again :(
| lirianstar chapter 47 . 9/12/2018
Black Lotus? Heir?
I think some momentous discoveries lies ahead. Given Asuka's appearance, is it safe to assume there was a forbidden romance between the black lotus heir [the one sakura is talking about] and a person from another lotus faction? One who betrayed her?
If so, is sakura confused between this asuka and the first heir when she talks of the warning she gave? I'm not certain, but it seems like yuki may be related to that* person...hence the strange connection between them.
Can't wait for more reveals!
| lirianstar chapter 46 . 9/8/2018
I think they both are about to recover their memories, and also the mystery of Yuki's past and connection to the Lotusus will come out.
The ending tho. Yikes. o.O
| Nerissa-McC chapter 46 . 9/8/2018
Yikes, Asuka seeing herself like that was creepy, and the decaying hands were even creepier! 0_0 Ow, poor Yuki! :( Suddenly I just want to give him a hug :(
| Shang chapter 2 . 9/2/2018
The chapter was good (though felt shorter than the previous) and it certainly pushes the story forward. I do enjoy your style of narration; reminds me a bit of how I wrote "Hideki's Harem" back in the day.
There was one moment which left me confused though: when doc Kobayashi was about to give Asuke her shot - from what I gathered she was still on her bed and I can't recall her getting up, so how did her legs became "wobbly" and she fell "face first"? It kinda seems like there are some words missing in that sentance as - I imagine - at that point the redhead jumped off her bed and than all of the above followed.
The last scene was a real 'gut punch' with its revelations. I had to re-read it as at first I didn't exactly get what went on, but now I assume Yuki saw the boy too yet, like Asuka, didn't realize he was a ghost.
Well, I still enjoy the tale and will be back for more later ;)
| Zeroalphamus chapter 1 . 8/31/2018
I'm finally getting round to reading this. :D
This was an interesting start.
Yuki and Asuka, nemesis or something completely different? I like the way a number of things were introduced; the history of the school, Asuka's surroundings and even her gruff character and how she interacts with others. The frenemy relationship between Yuki and heris pretty funny.
What happened to Asuka?
| Shang chapter 1 . 8/18/2018
hmm... honestly, I normally look for adventure -type stories, but with over 40 chapters I figured I should check this out; and I'm fairly glad that I did. While it isn't my usual read, your style of narration does bring out the tale's positive quality.
I like the tiny doses of humor here and there - they're not something that makes one laught out loud, but they do keep the reader loose so that he won't feel bored or tired in the more slow pieces of the story.
I think I like Asuka and Harumi; sound like a good pair, though I have a feeling the latter will be playing more of a secondary role as the story progress.
One thing that I noticed (and it seems to be a VERY common occurance on FictionPress, which is kinda starting to drive me crazy x.x) is that you - for the most part - refer to your characters by name only, which leads to repetition when you use the same word twice or more in a single paragraph. Generally I don't think it is a good way to proceed.
When you use the same word over and over again, it gives the impression of having limited vocabulary (something a writer should avoid); this gets worse when it applies to your own characters as it further makes one feel they don't have anything unique about them.
For example: you clearly established Asuka's hair color, which is probably rather unique, so why not, in stead of "Asuka", refer to her as a redhead outside of dialogue every once in a while? Not only will that make these characters feel more flesh-out, but it will avoid repetition, which has a tendency to bore/tire the readers.
Similarly, why use "Honda-senpai" in descriptions when it is a third-person narrative story? The suffix is commonly used in referrencing people by other people, but in this type of tale, the narrator is detached from the world, so it makes no sense for him/her to use "-senpai". After all you don't have him/her use "-chan" after Harumi.
That aside it is a solid start, even if not much can be said plot-wise yet. Good job.
| Nerissa-McC chapter 45 . 8/12/2018
Nonononono Asuka and Yuki can't die! They've just got to be all right! And yikes, those voices in Yuki's head give me the chills 0_0
| lirianstar chapter 45 . 8/11/2018
Okay - cliffhanger!
This part cemented what Asuka felt about Tomoyo. She does count her as a close friend (something I was afraid she was not going to realize)
Tsubasa is out to investigate and cause trouble for sure. I just hope nothing too* serious is going to happen.