|Reviews for Yesterday's Toys|
| Filosofieke chapter 2 . 11/6/2017
Suspenseful! Two possible love interests for the main character at only two chapters in. That way, I'll get round science for sure.
Being eaten...by what? Obviously she will know. I kind of want to know her name now.
| Filosofieke chapter 1 . 11/6/2017
I like the start. I don't know them main character, but obviously some heartbreak is involved!
Science fiction has never been my thing, I think since I'm such a nature lover, and often science fictional environments are lacking there (not always though) but when a little bit of Romance is involved it will get me a long way.
I especially like the 'your lines are longer..." part a beautiful description of how people grow up.
| RainbowPearls chapter 2 . 11/6/2017
Wait a second, this fic is re write isn't it?
I mean, it seems to be that fic, "Haunting the Forgotten".
| RainbowPearls chapter 1 . 11/6/2017
Quite a short chap, perhaps it was just the introduction. But from what I've gathered, I could feel the tentative, tensed and shock mess of the narrator and perhaps she doesn't want to believe about him being the one she us thinking.
I look ahead for the next chapter.
| Jaya Avendel chapter 4 . 11/3/2017
"Your death will sustain the Golden One to stand against the Dragoul. Your life will strengthen the Golden One against the dark ones and keep the colony safe"
Those are powerful words right there.
Jayyeas's eagerness to be eaten it quite amusing. She seems to me a bit impatient, but also willing to sacrifice herself for the ones she loves.
Looking forward to more!
| BradytheJust chapter 3 . 10/31/2017
As much as I dislike short chapters, I really liked this one. :)
I've had friendships where it's been "You and me against the world... with you there to keep me from getting killed." so I know what they are feeling.
You've really gotten me into the character's head and I love that from you! Keep it up my friend!
| TriploblasticSkies chapter 3 . 10/29/2017
So is this the same person standing there in the previous chapter?
This chapter was easier to read. Also I liked it better. Had a lyrical ring to it, in some sense.
The best part would be the familiarity which is clear in their narratives. So now I'm hooked.
I like the strong portrayal of the female lead. (She is really female this time, right? Or are you tricking us again?) Fiery girls are my weak points.
Okay, waiting for the next one! Good luck. (Hope you're taking care of yourself.)
| TriploblasticSkies chapter 2 . 10/29/2017
"The smell of dust dominated at first: a dry, lifeless smell of abandonment that clogged her nostrils and polluted her lungs with every breath."
I found these lines beautiful. Smell of abandonment? Genius.
So I was just scrolling in search of something fresh to keep myself distracted - and stumbled upon this at the best time.
I'll carry on with the assumption that I am almost at that stage where I can understand your writing properly without doing it injustice. Since it keeps on improving.
Other than the obviously beautiful writing style, I'd say I like whatever little I'm seeing of the characters. The 'wanting only one' is my favourite. I like how you included the stammering part, since kids can be such jerks, and it needs to be included. Is the colony thing like those in bees? Just curious. Also, confused about the whole 'eating' thing. Is it really 'eating', like cannibalism, or something else?
I'm glad I have a chance to read this story at a comfortable pace since this version has just started. God knows I regret missing out on what happened to Freyl and others. Anyways. This looks promising. Shall go read the next chapter.
Oh and I believe somewhere in the middle of the chapter there's a missing word in the beginning of the sentence or maybe a punctuation mistake.
Take care, my nefarious poison wielder.
| Neo Rulez chapter 3 . 10/28/2017
You really got me hook I love it 33
| Jaya Avendel chapter 3 . 10/28/2017
I love the train of thought. It is perfect for the mindset of the thinker. Slightly morose but with plenty of observation at the same time.
| Neo Rulez chapter 2 . 10/23/2017
This is interesting . I cannot wait to read more
| Neo Rulez chapter 1 . 10/23/2017
Short but sweet! I love It! 3
| BradytheJust chapter 2 . 10/23/2017
First, the first paragraph.
I really got into this character's head from the moment I got started with this story, and I almost felt tied down and the fear of being in the dark.
I like the way you showed both her thoughts and the present, and I think you should keep it as it is. Who needs italics?
I can't wait to keep reading!
| BradytheJust chapter 1 . 10/23/2017
Ten Wiwits... I bet they are cute!
Still Eagles, I think I can confidently say that I'll love this story because you're such a great writer, and I'm looking forward to this rewrite. :)
| Jaya Avendel chapter 2 . 10/22/2017
The darkness was perfect, unbroken, relentless in its conquest. It flowed over her and enveloped her, filling every crevice of her skin, lapping at the entrance of every recess, threatening to invade even the inner sanctuaries of her being . . .
I stand in awe of that line. It is perfect and immediately drew me in. The whole chapter was engaging.