|Reviews for Forbidden Room|
| BradytheJust chapter 3 . 10/31/2017
Oh, family drama! :O
You've really let the personalities of the four family members shine, and it makes a chapter about family dinner interesting to read! I hope everything gets to be okay!
Great job my friend, and keep it up!
| BradytheJust chapter 2 . 10/31/2017
Ah the 'Mom' determination, I know it well! Seriously, they cannot be stopped!
You've described the apartment very well, to the point where I'll take it if they don't want it! :D And I can also understand the pain of losing friends that you could see every day, so I'm in the character's heads.
Also, I want a dessert from "Cherry on Top!"
| BradytheJust chapter 1 . 10/27/2017
Well, you managed to get me caring about the characters and their predicament from the get-go. I can already see sources of conflict arising.
Now, who was that shadow? I can't wait for the next chapter!
| TheLastChapter chapter 1 . 10/27/2017
Seems like a good start and ending it on a mystery note, will make us want to read more.
Might want to watch the verbs, 'There were only four houses, actually'
Reads easier with out 'actually'
' I peered out of the car window, anxiously'
If you must include the verb try, Anxiously I peered out of the car window.
Or better still use context. She peered out of the car window with a worried look while tapping her fingers on her knee.
Someone said; I don't remember who, and it wasn't me, that an exciting story was one where they removed all the boring bits.
I'm not saying it's not interesting because it is, but you might compress some of the detail and move it along a bit more.
Hope this might help and not hinder, have fun writing whatever interests you.