|Reviews for Bitchcraft|
| Vedant A chapter 19 . 2/10
Damn, that's cold
| EnemyNumber1 chapter 17 . 2/8
Really enjoying the updates! I live for scandal, drama and too tight skinny jeans haha.
| EnemyNumber1 chapter 1 . 1/27
Seems like cliche, self deprecating narrative from a headstrong female character. It's good. I think the cover art could be more mature given the subject matters discussed within like dressing sexy when underage, shoplifting, and stealing boyfriends from friends, kissing without verbal consent, etc... It reminds me mostly of Gossip Girl which can become repetitive and negative so just be sure to protect the integrity and purpose of your main character so she can come out on top, or really play into the drama to create new and exciting visuals within a world that's been explored by literature and TV so many times. Seems like it was a lot of fun to write and I applaud the effort but I would also suggest giving your Chapters titles, to bring in more personality and creativity to your character as well. She should have an original, omnipresent presences within the story, so I feel like being conscious of that everywhere is important. I'm excited to see what you do with this. Good luck! Keep writing~
| lizardbreath914 chapter 4 . 1/22
Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up
Man, Marigold really is terrible. I know that's what I've insinuated previously, but for real she's terrible. Lying, playing to Jazzy's insecurities, judging her underwear. It's great. She's deliciously evil.
I like that she has professional grade business cards for her clique. It's a great touch.
I'm making a prediction now: the only reason she wants Jazzy in the group is because she has a flower name. Am I onto something?
Nine out of ten on this one.
| lizardbreath914 chapter 3 . 1/22
Today’s featured track: Fergalicious.
I didn’t mention this last chapter, but I like that Holly has a little personality beyond “bubbly blond.” It’s subtle, and I don’t know if you meant to do that, but there are little cues in her behavior that make me think she’s trying to follow Marigold’s lead. Maybe that’s just because she’s not the protagonist.
This chapter: Violet. Oh man, Violet. I’m glad she’s trying to work on coming out of the closet just a little bit. That’s a hard step. It was hard for me. It was hard for my friends. Coming out for the first time to your crush and her friend when you’re not ready for the rest of the school to know? Rookie move, girl. Even if you have dirt on her, that's mutually assured destruction.
I’ll admit, I don’t entirely understand Violet’s feelings towards Holly and Marigold. Maybe because I can’t recall feeling that way about anyone. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. The important part is that she’s consistent with her love-hate stance, and she is so far.
That dialogue is very high school. Mwah. That’s a spicy meatball. Every time someone makes an insult, it doesn’t really have anything to do with the issue at hand. Comebacks aren’t quite comebacks. You feel like they’re saying angry things because they started this conversation feeling angry, and that’s how they intend to finish it. It’s terrible, and therefore perfect.
Gonna give this one a ten out of ten.
| lizardbreath914 chapter 2 . 1/22
Fun fact: I listened "Milkshake" while reading and it felt very appropriate.
Once again Marigold's narration is really what makes this a delight. Now we get more of her quest for adulthood to go with it, and it's just as fun. Now that I'm past puberty, this resonates.
My parents were very socially conservative and that rubbed off on me hardcore. I was pretty prudish in high school, so I was actually very unhappy with my first bra. But I remember other girls my age getting excited about these cute new panties they got with lace on the edges. I also remember how catty the environment was. Boys and girls. Everyone had something mean to say about at least one person, and no one was safe. That locker room scene was spot on.
I snickered at "butt floss" because I'm immature.
GLAM is exactly the kind of acronym I would expect from a high school clique. I like that they aren't introduced with the word "clique" because that's not how any of the girls would view their friend group. And I always appreciate when stories trust the audience to intuit what is happening by leaving appropriate clues. Really brings the world to life
I can't think of any criticisms for this chapter, but I'm sure I'll wake up in a cold sweat when I realized you missed a period somewhere.
This one gets a ten out of ten.
| lizardbreath914 chapter 1 . 1/22
Wow. I have some pretty high praise for this. First off: Marigold. I love her. She's so multidimensional. She's duplicitous, but I understand why she doesn't like her image being molded for her. She's a snob, but she's aware. She's sensible enough to not be offended by the existence of thongs, even if she's willing to lie about it. She wants to be a cover girl, but with the end goal of becoming a business owner. She's oozing with charisma and snide commentary in every sentence. She's easily the best element here, making her the best protagonist for this story.
Criticism-wise (and it is a small criticism), the bit where she describes her family's mansion could be shortened. After the first few sentences I said, "Yep the Lavenders are rich people," which is what the rest of the paragraph said anyway. But it's not like it's a long paragraph, so it doesn't matter that much and it only feels like a minor distraction.
Nine out of ten. I love.
| Vedant A chapter 11 . 1/11
Love it! I really wonder how they're gonna top this off?
| DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE chapter 1 . 11/24/2017
Well you certainly have an interesting set up. People with wealth are very often viewed as snobs who only care about money, so it is nice to see a different outlook on it.
It was structured well, and I didn't spot any painful errors in grammar or spelling (I think that's because I'm hungover from yesterday lol), so good on that point.
Now this is the part where the constructive criticism comes in. It's a little difficult to connect with the character if we can't see their thoughts in situations. I recommend adding them as much as possible, for not only does it make the chapters longer, but it makes the character more interesting.
And finally, there's an issue with the title. All titles must be rated K, or someone can report it. This is coming from someone who has been unfortunate enough to have stories deleted in the past from a similar situation, so I try and give this warning if I see this kind of violation. Not because I have a vendetta against you or your work, but because I hate seeing stories get taken down for something that is a relatively easy fix. Good luck.