|Reviews for 4 kingdoms: Witches|
| KH777 chapter 5 . 12/6/2017
This is a good story so far, I like the nice fantasy setting. Though, I would recommend using stronger wording to make your story more engaging. Instead of using "not good" use "horrible" or "disastrous."
| LydieBerry chapter 2 . 12/4/2017
This chapter is an interesting start for the story. The princess-kidnapped-by-dragon is definitely a well-known trope at this point, but I'm happy to see that you spiced up things a bit by adding two princes. :)
The descriptions still feel like you are stating facts, rather than telling a story. You could prevent this by adding in more dialogue where it fits, for example a character says "And how is the little bride-to-be doing?" or something along those lines, and have Rose either express her true feelings if she's talking to a character she trusts with that info, or having her say a generic response while describing what she truly thinks. This would establish two things at once: One, we would know her backstory, two, we would know the two characters' relationship. Dialogues make a story more dynamic and easy to read.
When you simply must describe an event, like the dragon's attack, try to use shorter sentences.
So, the two brothers' tale begins. I'm waiting to see their characteristics unfold and clash as they head to save the princess. :)
| LydieBerry chapter 1 . 12/4/2017
I know prologues are used to set up the the atmosphere and history of the world, but this just seemed a bit too dry, like not actually reading a story, but having someone quickly sum up one they've read somewhere else. For this story, if I were you, I would either have a couple chapters dedicated to set up the history of the land with more details if it's going to be crucial to know from the get go, or I'd slowly sprinkle it into the main story when it becomes relevant.
Also, as of right now, this origin story feels very clichéd, because of the generalization of the groups involved. If you look at people in real life, it's never as easy as group one good, group two bad. I highly doubt that if one person would start to wreak havoc in the world others would blindly follow. It is also much more interesting for the reader if they can see and understand the inner workings of such groups. What is their goal? How do they want to reach this goal? etc.
I am sorry if this came off as too harsh, I'm just giving you my honest opinion.